Email of the Day

Dear Dr Laura, 

You are so correct when you say choose wisely and treat kindly. 

I've been married for 20 years to a good man, but neither of us were brought up with the skills or role models to properly set us up for a fulfilling marriage. As time went along and the trials of life took their toll, we each retreated from one another instead of recognizing we needed help. Ultimately, we were not treating kindly even though we had chosen wisely. I began being resentful and unkind, he became even further withdrawn. The cycle continued as we both remained set in our unhealthy patterns. 

I recently found out he had a one-time affair. Of course, I am devastated. But thankfully, your words were the first thing that resounded in my mind as I began to process and unravel what would have led to this. Simply, I wasn't being a good wife. I had been selfish instead of loving. I know I didn't deserve to have this happen, but I am convinced I didn't do the things I needed to do to affair proof my marriage. You are correct: choose wisely and treat kindly as even good people can end up feeling devalued enough in their relationship to make such serious mistakes. It is only now we are seeking help and treating each other with proper respect. It's a shame so much hurt had to occur to get to this place. 

I thank you for helping me through a trying time and please keep on keeping on as your messages could not be more needed. 

With much appreciation, 

Kim