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Letters From Listeners

I Finally Get It: A Wall Will Not Change into a Door

Dr. Laura,

I want to thank you first and foremost for being a mother figure in my life! Although I will never meet you, you have impacted my life greatly. I am a die hard stay-at-home mother who is breaking the cycle of abuse passed to me. My kids do not have a day that goes by without being told they are loved and hugged.

I was raised by an extremely narcissistic mother who was neglectful and quite abusive. I took my two children this summer to spend a week with this woman (notice I won't call her my mother). It was horrendous! I had my sister telling me how in the will she gets all of 'Mom's' possessions when she dies. This woman has pitted all of her children against one another since we were young. I'm going to be okay without being left anything. It wasn't until my 'mom' had her neighbor kids over and hugged and kissed them telling them she loved them in front of my children that my kids got to witness firsthand how she throws her love and affection at others and not her own. They were very hurt and it hit me that I can no longer have my kids around this woman. These neighbor kids and their parents don't know the abuse my 'mother' inflicted on her own kids. They don't know my earliest memory is at the age of 3 where I was bound and gagged in rags wetting myself for an entire day by this nut job of a woman for something I didn't even do. My brother wrote on the wall that day not me. He's apologized to me over the years for blaming me, but he was older and so afraid of her wrath that he said it was me. You can only imagine the years of physical and emotional abuse this woman did to us. We were threatened with guns, knives, you name it!

These people don't change and you shouldn't allow them back in your lives. I'm going to be okay having been written out of her will because I won't kiss up to her and take the abuse any longer. My sister who was molested for over a year at the age of 5 by my 'mom's' church member deserves it more. When my sister told this crazy lady what was happening at the time she didn't do a thing. I could go on and write a novel, but I just wanted to let you know that I finally get it once and for all! You are right! She is a porcupine. You can knock on a wall all you want but it will never turn into a door. I'm amazed how many of us women are out there who have horrendous mothers. I've decided not to have her in my life anymore. In no way is it worth it to my children.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for continuing to be a moral guidance for all of us who came from such dysfunction!

Tags: Abuse, Character-Courage-Conscience, Character/Courage/Conscience, Morals/Ethics/Values, Personal Responsibility, Values
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