Hi Dr. Laura,
I listened to you years ago when my oldest was a toddler and then I lost track of you. Although I had heard your words, struggles ensued, 3 kids and 12 years later my marriage was in rough shape. I was staying home and homeschooling, but babydom and toddlerhood with three kids simultaneously took their toll. I wasn't wholeheartedly being my husband's girlfriend and we grew apart. He turned to porn and I became outwardly angry at first.
Then I found your podcast and I read your book, The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage." I kept up your suggestions of paying attention to him. He lied, he tried sneaking around, and through it all I was steadfast in just loving him. There were SO MANY days when I didn't want to rub his feet, greet him warmly, make his favorite meals or lovingly see him off in the morning.
After 5 months of loving him and telling him I wasn't going anywhere because we owed our children a peaceful home, he continued to be selfish and even mean so I didn't think anything would change. I thought the intimate part of my marriage was over. I had tried being sexy, being sweet, then I started teasing him. I found a screw in his shirt pocket one day. So even though intimacy was elusive for us, I approached him and while holding up the screw, said, "Hey wanna _____? After that I began leaving it in his shirt pocket, his jeans pocket or by his sink. I just told him it was something to think about because to me he was my fantasy. After two weeks of this silliness, I got the kind of change I never could've imagined. He now brings me gifts, does caring things, is complimentary, is helpful and is the envy of all of my friends. It took time, but I fully credit your ways and my resolve to see it through to my new happy life. I hope that all women have the courage to keep it up even when it doesn't feel worth it.