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Letters From Listeners

I Never Had A Choice

When I was single, I was not a chick magnet, so I was easily pleased. As a result, I went out rarely and typically with bizarre people. I never asked myself, "should I be with this person?" My only concern was, "will she go out with me again?" So it wasn't heart, it was just desperation. I never felt I had the luxury of choice. Any choice was up to the woman.

I am now married to a woman who grew up in a bad environment. She was the 6th of 9 children. The first five, by one husband and the last 3 by second husband. My wife was born in the middle after an affair between her Mom and the shoe repair guy down the street. Her father never accepted her. When I met her she was coming off a divorce from 20-year marriage, with a 9-year-old son and a grown daughter. She was living on food stamps and 'government butter' as she called it. She had managed to get secretarial training and was able to survive in a job at local community college.

I figured she may go out with me. We dated for 22 years and we married in 2010. We decided that we should marry because of our age and the need to have each other to take care of us when illness or disability struck. In spite of all of it, she is still working at age 69 as an office administrator in the same job she has had for 30+ years. She loves her job and has a great boss. I retired at the end of 1997. We are both happy in our marriage and good for each other.

So head or heart? Or just 22 years of patience? 

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Tags: Bad Childhood-Good Life, Behavior, Choose Wisely-Treat Kindly, Marriage, Men's Point of View, Relationships, Relatives
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