Dear Dr. Laura,
A few days ago, you took my call. I had wondered what to do about my foster mother's photo I had posted on facebook, because it infuriated my "Dad" as I called him. You told me to give up the fantasy because he is NOT my father. He is a sperm donor. You told me to honor my foster mother, even on "Father's Day."
I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart.
The first time I heard you I was in high school. My foster mother's neighbor used to drive me home from school and listen to you. I thought you were as incredible then as I think you are now.
As you said, you could probably write a book based on the short version of my life. The long version would be more like a library. I unfortunately have been through more than I would like to admit. Frankly, it is embarrassing. However, I came out on top. And I was not raised to be an optimist. My mother was a pessimist on top of being extremely abusive. The meth she used just exacerbated it. And the scary people that she exposed me to while using drugs came with hosts of other problems and scary situations. Sometimes I look back and think that I was destined to fail. It all seems very surreal. However I didn't fail.
I have a wonderful life with two beautiful children, the best (and most handsome) husband, in-laws who are incredible. I feel I owe a lot of that to you. There were times in my early twenties when I would fall into the victim mode because it was easier and because I could get away with acting like a jerk. But your sound advice on the radio always reminded me I had no excuses. I make my life what it is. Period.
Sometimes I still get jealous. My girlfriends will talk about spending time with their Mom or Dad, or doing "family" things. When you said I got my two beautiful children and a great husband instead of a Dad, a light bulb went on in my head. I never saw it like that. Sometimes I need reminding I am damn lucky I didn't turn into a statistic - - a loser like my parents, like a lot of people would have given my circumstances.
My foster mother was an amazing woman. She owned her own coffee roasting business and dedicated her free time to raising her animals from the pound, and to children who were dying of cancer. She exercised and was very in shape. Her boyfriend was about to ask her to marry her before she was murdered, and the day before she was murdered, I had decided to ask her to be there with me to deliver my baby when it was time. Looking back and listening to my call to you, it all seems perfectly clear. I refuse to let some man with insecurities over his bad parenting ruin the one good parent I got out of everything. My foster mother was like hitting the lottery, and my bio-dad wanted to take it all away so he wouldn't be reminded of his own faults.
Thank you.
M.
