I had only just begun your book The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands when I ran into a communication problem with my husband and wanted to be sad or angry, but stopped myself to reflect. I had just bought a new dress…you know the style where the waistline is just under the chest area and it can create sort of a "preggy" look. Well my husband and I had, just one month before, lost a baby late in the pregnancy. And although I was back in shape, I bought this dress. I thought it was pretty and stylish. My husband commented to me that it was ugly and he never wanted to see it again, then saying, didn't I think he wanted to see me "not looking pregnant for a change".
My feelings were very hurt and I thought he was mean, but I bit my tongue. I reflected and thought about his unsaid words. I realized that he had been strong for me during the loss of our baby, that he had been hurting just as much. But because he is my man and my knight and wanted to fix everything for me ( I learned that from your book) and this he couldn't fix, so therefore he felt helpless, that this lashing out at a dress that kind of makes a woman look pregnant ( although the trendy style at the time) was hurting him and he had no way to put that into words. So instead of whining and being sad, I sucked it up and put that dress at the bottom of a drawer and eventually gave it to Goodwill.
I forgot he was human too and that this loss was just as big for him, even though it wasn't in his body. And I remembered that he once told me it killed him to see me sad, especially when there was nothing he could do to change it. In conclusion, men can't always express their angst the same as women, but they feel and sometimes we women take their comments as mean to us when it really wasn't mean at all. Thanks for your book Dr. Laura.
~C.S.
