If anyone could do 10 things to mess up her life, I have done more than that. I got married too young postponing my education, had babies right away, mismanaged money, divorced, remarried. You name it, I did it. I have so many regrets: I worked from day one as an executive assistant. I finally got my college degree at age 40, but it doesn't seem to have given me any advantages. I am very good at what I do and I receive a lot of praise for my work, but no real advancement. I work around incredibly accomplished women and I can't help but think what could have been for me.
However, my biggest regret is I put my children through day care, an absent father, an indifferent stepfather, the hell of my bad marriage and divorce, not to mention my exhaustion and stress, just to name a few. We were on our own the last few years of their high school and it was infinitely better and we got along so well and became very close. Most of the time, I am paralyzed by the guilt of what I put them through. I missed so much of their young lives while I worked at dead-end jobs and focused my attention on the wrong man trying desperately to get him to love me.
My sons are incredible young men, husbands and fathers. I have no doubt they love me and they have expressed they believe I did the best I could with bad circumstances. Still, I can't forgive myself and the pain is excruciating.