My father is an alcoholic, as was his father and one sister. Going to my paternal grandparent's house was nothing short of a nightmare; both men getting drunk, arguing politics, etc., then a nightmare 30 mile ride home with a drunk driver. If I was lucky, he would pass out before the drive home so my mother could drive. (She is 5'7", he was 6'2" and you just DID NOT tell him he couldn't drive if he was drunk).
To this day, I cannot stand to watch scary movies or shows; I can't ride "scary" rides at fairs. I cannot bear the feeling of terror, even though it's supposed to be "fun". I think it's because I was so terrified during my childhood/adolescence.
I grew 6 inches during 6th grade. However, I was not able to get new clothes because money had to go for beer. You can imagine how nice the other kids were with my super flood-water pants. My father deliberately made me cry while driving me to my first high school choir concert (he admitted this later). How ashamed I was to go into the school and try to sing with my red face.
Every day at home was horrible if he was there. You never knew what was going to happen. I remember taking my sister and brother on walks to my maternal grandfather's house, over a mile away, at 10:00 pm to escape him. There are so many stories like this, I could go on for 30,000 characters, but who wants to read that?
I guess the most positive impact has been that, since I have been an adult and moved away, I have had basically no contact with him. My 19-year-old daughter only saw him once when she was 2 or 3. I just had to break away to become a healthy, happy person. When someone is an alcoholic, you interact with the alcohol, not the person, and it's not fun, exciting, or healthy. It has affected my sense of being loved, since I never felt like my father loved me. To this day, I really don't know if he does, since he was such a chronic liar and I find it impossible to believe him. It has driven a large rift between my sister and I, because she does not remember everything I do and doesn't understand why I don't want anything to do with him. It has hurt my whole family terribly in so many ways.
Elaine
