Premium Podcast Help Contact Dr. Laura Dr. Laura Designs Return to
Join Family Premium Login Family

Email of the Day

Please Be My Girlfriend, Again?


Dear Dr. Laura,

What follows is a note written to my wife this morning. 13 years ago she had a traumatic brain injury that has changed her and the dynamics of our marriage.  And I was diagnosed with early onset Parkinson's disease 6 years ago. And if that isn't enough, we just said goodbye to a precious and dearly loved 14-year-old son after a 9 month battle with bone cancer. Nonetheless, I strive to be my wife's boyfriend and long for her to be my girlfriend.

Dear “B:”

You said something last night before bed that concerns me. You said, as I heard it, that you resent me wanting you to read the book, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, so that I can be nurtured by you. If I heard you correctly, I have reason for concern. And quite simply I went to bed sad.

I am "all-in" in this marriage and I need it to grow and thrive. I know that this is a very difficult time, but I am right here with you. I am going nowhere. I know growth takes time and I understand that. But I want to, and need to, see we are taking baby steps in the direction of more intimacy. And yes, sex is a part, but only a small part!

Over the last 13 years, I have felt I lost my girlfriend. And sorry to bring it up, but the only time I saw you excited about being someone's girlfriend, I was not him. And this brings me back to the book. Every day I hear women on Dr. Laura's show calling in boasting they are their husband's girlfriends and talking about how that attitude has changed their husband and their marriage. I am both green with envy and sad I am not one of those men.

Honestly Love, many times I feel like a once-loved, but now discarded, pair of shoes at the back of your closet. I want to yell out, "See me.  Look at me! I am still beautiful! Remember how great we once looked together? Give me another try! Put me on with some different clothes and see how I look! And yes, I have some dust on and don't quite have the shine I once did, but with a little TLC (nurturing), you'll be surprised at how far we can go and how great we can look and feel together."

I am with you until the end, and I know you love me, but I am feeling much like those shoes and I would love to be your boyfriend.  I just can't do it without being taken out and polished on a more regular basis. And I would love it if you would like to be my girlfriend! I do love you….

Tags: Attitude, Cancer, Death of a child, Envy, Health, Stay-at-Home Mom, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands
< Back to Email of the Day Archives