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Letters From Listeners

Product of a Second Marriage

My father is my mother's second husband. She and her first husband divorced over 40 years ago after bringing two innocent children into the world, who are now in their 40s. I am a product of this second marriage.

I don't regret being born, but my childhood was stressful with the shadow of my mother's divorce hanging over all of us. I tried to make sense of what was going on by asking my mother why she and her first husband got divorced and she told me they "didn't love each other anymore." That scared me because I knew it was then possible she and my dad might not love each other someday. They fought a lot, especially about the older kids. My father was never really considered an authority when it came to my older siblings.

My older siblings are clearly damaged by their parent's divorce and subsequent remarriages. They never felt like they belonged or mattered. When I was very young, one of them told me he should never have been born. That upset me.  I went to my mother for some reassurance and hoped she would tell me my brother was an important part of our family. Instead she told me he was right and that neither of my older siblings should have been born.

Thank you for clearly and forcefully telling people about the additional hurt their children will experience when they decide to remarry and especially if they make new kids.


Tags: Divorce, Marriage, Parenting, Relatives, Second marriage, Siblings
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