Hi Dr. Laura,
It's too late for our marriage - my wife has filed for divorce, but I wanted to put my two cents into why spouses turn down sex as I feel that it was a major factor in our marriage failing. The major issue we had was if my wife treated me with contempt or disapproval the last thing in the world I wanted was to be intimate with her. Which she turned into: "He doesn't want sex so there must be something wrong with you". She just never got it. We'd have fights over it and later I'd try to reason with her, but she always came back with "all guys want sex, no matter how poorly they're treated".
I tried to explain that certain physical changes had to occur before a man could perform and if he's not mentally in the game nothing was going to help. Another issue was in ten years she never initiated the lovemaking. I was told that was my job.
We have two wonderful boys who are now forced to live with separated parents due to this issue wrecking our marriage. I know it's too late for us, but if you could please stress how important it is for BOTH spouses in a marriage to work at showing affection. It's not the job of only one spouse.
Thanks,
Richard
