Dear Dr. Laura,
I keep hearing more calls about husbands having affairs on their wives and what they should do about it and I'm getting frustrated that women haven't gotten a clue yet!...So I thought I would share my story with you.
My husband and I married when he was 22 and I was just 20. About 70% of my married family had already been divorced and on a 2nd or 3rd spouse on that day; including my parents, who divorced after 20 years of physical and mental abuse from my mother. My father raised my siblings and me (the oldest) so of course I knew how to take care of a family, right? Well, did my bubble get popped when our first 6 months were Horrible. Wasn't he just supposed to love and put up with me and my demands for how things should be and what he should be doing? We both worked and we grew farther and farther apart and I shut him out of anything sexual. And then some guy started to pay attention to me one day at work and feelings started to be there that shouldn't have been. I had an affair and my husband caught me with a letter the guy had written me one night. All of our emotional crap hit the ceiling that night and at the end of it, he turned to me in tears and said, "This is as much my fault as it is yours." WHAT!!! I thought...I was the one that messed up, I was the one who broke my vows to him, I did it, I hurt him, Me! As young as we were, He stood there knowing I had hurt him and broken our marriage and said it was his fault too.
WE talked with trusted couples in our lives and church. We looked at each other knowing we had this marriage this all wrong and wanted to fix it. WE wanted to make it last. We have now been married for 7 ½ years. We have a 5 year old boy and a 3 year old girl. This year has been rough for us. I have had 2 miscarriages since February and we are just physically and emotionally raw and empty. Things just seem to keep going wrong in our world. Bills are pouring in, and sometimes my husband has to work late. My family asks me "how do you know he is at work and not with someone else?" and I confidently tell them "This momma takes care of her man!" I have learned and take pride in caring for My MAN. He would swim through shark infested waters to get me a glass of lemonade. We aren't perfect all the time, but we are learning and excited to teach our children how to be married with our example. 7 ½ years is just the start for us...years of happiness and pain are ahead I know, but I welcome them standing by my husband and looking to God for the journey of a lifetime!
So I tell those women Stop pointing the finger at him and point it at yourself. What have you done to close him out?! Take pride in caring for your man! Start Now! Keep your family together. Your children will thank you.
Dr Laura, you have helped me more than you will ever know as a mom and a wife! Thank you! Keep on and keep shouting!
Gratefully,
A Dr. Laura adopted Daughter
