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04/25/2018
Dr. Laura:
I am a 60-year-old grandparent raising my ten-year-old grandson. I haven't heard many calls to you about this issue, so I want to offer some straight talk to anyone who takes this on. I would have liked to have known about this too.
First, your life completely changes, and you actually mourn the loss of your freedom, your time, and perhaps your retirement plans. However, my husband's life has not changed, so he still gets to act as "grandpa." I encourage it and dislike it at the same time.
You may have to deal with the parents of your grandchild. They probably hate each other, resent YOU, and have big problems themselves, which is why they don't have their child to begin with. Your marriage changes too, and it's more like when you first had your own kids. You must work through parenting differences again. It's easy to get more disconnected with your spouse, and if you don't recognize that and deal with it, your own marriage could break up. You resent the parents but can't express it because it just blows up in your face. Finally, you may feel powerless, frustrated, overwhelmed, exhausted, and hurt when what you're doing isn't appreciated.
I love my grandson, and I realize that I'm acting as his mother now. He deserves this chance at a stable, secure, and loving home, and he is thriving. For that, I'm very thankful and he has been worth the sacrifice. I know that for sure. Even so, I think those who are in this situation should prepare themselves first for all the emotional changes and challenges to come.
Jaclyn
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