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Surrendering Myself To My Marriage

I am 54 and my husband is 49; we've been married for 17 years.  Currently, we're happy to take care of each other's needs, talk lovingly about the other in front of people, hug and kiss a lot, and thoroughly enjoy spending time together.  It wasn't always this way.

When we first married, I wanted to keep my last name, spend money the way I saw fit, carry on with my own schedule, and basically ignore his needs and desires.  I married him because he was another income.  During the first few years, there was tension, arguing, snarky-ness and an overall attitude that I called the shots at home.  My husband, however, never yelled at me.  He'd leave me alone rather than engage in a battle when I was clearly armed for it in volume and attitude.  The next day he would still say "I love you," and go to work to support me and our new, young son.  I gave him sex, but it wasn't making love.  I tested him on every level you can imagine, seeing what I could do that would make him leave.  My father abandoned me at the age of 10, and after the divorce, never looked back.  

I often wondered why this man wanted to put up with me, but he carried on with patience, kindness and commitment.  Six years into the marriage, I knew he wasn't going to leave and wasn't going to abandon me.  He loved me for who I was.  I didn't understand this because no one in my life had ever said that to me, let alone showed me with day-to-day actions.  I knew I had to improve the way I treated him.  So, I picked up "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands."  I began surrendering my protective armor and really opening up to him.  After 10 years of marriage, I finally let myself be totally vulnerable to him.  At this point, I offered myself to him body and soul.  I don't feel a bit used or not appreciated or loved.  This happy scenario could have gone in another direction.  It could have dissolved into a shattered mess had I let it.  

Your program and your books have and will continue to teach women that it is to THEIR benefit to treat and love men in the ways you explain.  I have no doubt you help mend and save many marriages and kids' lives.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.


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Tags: Attitude, Behavior, Character-Courage-Conscience, Choose Wisely-Treat Kindly, Divorce, Marriage, Personal Responsibility
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