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Letters From Listeners

Taking a Stand

Dr Laura,

Let me preface by saying your wisdom and outlook have changed my life for the better. I have bought and read The Proper Care and feeding of Husbands and have passed it on to many friends. That book has saved a few marriages in my family. Thank you.

I am happily married to a US Marine who is currently deployed. I am his girlfriend and I love him more than anything in this world. Today I saw a post on one of the deployment Facebook pages I subscribe to and there was a post from a woman who was seeking advice because her husband had cheated on her.  He is now regretful and wants to work on the marriage when he gets home from deployment. She stated she is no longer in love with him and has a male friend she confides to and spends time with although they are "just friends". Not only that, she told her husband about this man. They have two small children and she is thinking of divorce. Me being me and having those beliefs you helped instill in me replied to the post. This is what I wrote...

"Be sweet. Go through the motions of being affectionate, attentive and loving. Keep doing it even when your head isn't in, because eventually it will be. Think back to the good times. Think back to when you would get yourself all dolled up and be excited to see him. If you go through the motions and get your mind set back to loving him, you will. Woman dictate the tempo. I agree counseling is necessary. But for now, put your best foot forward and support him."

Of course, I was blasted. So I then wrote...

"I am not going to apologize for believing in the sanctity of marriage. Cheating is hurtful and not ok, but I will not condone divorce when children are involved unless there is  abuse and/or drug use. Those are my beliefs. Most things are fixabe in a marriage. You just have to put in the work. Having "outside" influences only strain the marriage so those things need to be eliminated by both of them. Children are the ones who suffer the most with divorce and if it can be avoided, then it should be. Marriage is not all rainbows and unicorns. It is hard work. It is just as easy to fall back in love if you put forth the effort. Throwing in the towel should not be your first instinct. Fighting to keep your family together should be. If more people put in the effort, there would be less divorce."

Again I was blasted by the other wives who were quick to support divorce.

I have always been one to speak my mind and to stand up for my beliefs. But I wanted to thank you for making me a better wife and mother and for instilling the right beliefs about marriage and mothering in me. My life is wonderful. Although I miss my husband, I conduct myself as if he is right by my side at all times. He is the love of my life. Thank you!


Tags: children, Divorce, Marriage, Parenting
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