Backtalk or sassing back at our home is rewarded with work. The more the arguing and sassing, the more jobs get piled on. If jobs are not completed, privileges are revoked. Period. Our children have learned it is NOT WORTH IT because we follow through. If they have time to be nasty, they have time to work. If they are pleasant and respectful, they are treated pleasantly and respectfully.
My husband and I also use kind verbiage towards each other, as children often model parents' behavior.
Another thing that has greatly helped our family is eliminating TV shows which, in the name of "comedy", promote disrespectful behavior towards parents, sarcasm, name-calling, and so forth. I have observed children who are exposed to these shows are adopting the behaviors because they see them as "acceptable". Nothing could be further from the truth. In real life, when people talk like that, no one laughs. No one thinks it's funny. Feelings are hurt, pain is caused, and relationships are damaged. REAL relationships are based on mutual respect and love for each other.