The question isn't "what are we going to do," the question is "what aren't we going to do?"
- Ferris, from "Ferris Bueller's Day Off"
That was exactly the problem. What wouldn't I do? I was part of a huge group of kids that hung out "around". We ran the streets. We'd meet by the church, or by the canal or the back of the park, or just ride our bikes aimlessly looking for our others friends.
We learned about drinking and drugs on the street. One of the girls had a big brother who'd always get us 2-liter bottles of wine coolers. We each had one to ourselves. We smoked pot too and a few times I remember it being laced with heroin or cocaine. A boyfriend of mine, then, dealt crack. He was 16. I drove him to the bad neighborhoods to sell and pick up. A couple of older boys who were brothers dealt pot. I was 16 and they took me with them so I could drive them to a neighboring state to pick up more. They had their driver licenses suspended, not sure why.
Sex was another lesson I wish I hadn't learned from this crowd of misfits. It started with a friend who was 14 too, and she told me about doing it with some guy. A week later she introduced me and told me I could do it with him too. I did. I had many boys in the next few years to follow and kept a list. My best friends did the same thing.
I wish I'd known about keeping myself clean then, mind, body, and soul. When I finally grew up and learned about morality, the regret started to set in. What had I done to myself? What a mess I was. I still feel deep remorse for that little girl of 14 who let herself be used for others to have pleasure. Who just went along because it seemed fun at the time. I really was a good girl, just lost. I think that's why God has been able to change my heart so easily. (tears.)
Now my goal is to reach kids so they don't do the same thing. I am a substitute teacher at a middle school and I try to encourage the kids in positive ways when I'm there. I asked a class last week during a discussion if they knew what the word "Morality" meant....cricket sounds could be heard. There is a lot of work to be done with today's youth.
PLEASE KEEP MY STORY ANONYMOUS. I'm not sure how much of my own story to share with the kids while I'm trying to encourage them and let them know I totally understand how they feel and I've been there/done that.
