Your books saved my marriage and inspired this "rule" Dr. Laura, thank you. Thought you might be interested in my article.
The Dirtiest Word We DON'T Use
I don't say "No" in bed. Morning, noon, night if my hubby wants it, he gets it.
My husband and I have a "never say no" rule in our house (and in our truck, living room, backyard shed,...). As long as we have at least ten minutes of privacy, and one of us is in the mood, we get it on.
Ok, I'm exaggerating. Sometimes it is tough to find alone time, and we respect each other's space if sick, upset, or got very little sleep the night before. But, for the most part, "no" is a dirty word.
I'm sure some of you are thinking, "What if you don't feel like it?" Well, brace yourselves - we do it anyway! There are nights when one of us is amorous and the other is sleepy, cranky, or feeling gross but that sleepy, cranky, gross person still puts out. I'll tell you why:
Sex feels awesome! I have yet to regret making love with my husband. It might take effort sometimes, but if I summon up a little enthusiasm, I'm always left smiling. Is there a better way to feel energized, happy and attractive?
We love each other. My man is my favorite person in the world. But between our schedules, daughter's needs and other mood-killers, there isn't always time to connect. So if he wants my attention for 20 minutes before we fall asleep, I'm happy to show him just how fantastic I think he is. Even when feeling less than romantic, nothing reminds us how lucky we are quicker than knocking boots.
It's a pick-me-up like no other. After 1.5 kids (I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant with our second ), and 7 years together, I sometimes wonder what about me still turns my husband's head. Seeing how much he enjoys my body erases all doubts. Bumpin' it with my Honey makes me feel loved, beautiful, appreciated, validated, important and safe in his strong arms.
It's hard to be angry at the person who just rocked your world. Sure, we still argue, but now our fights are fewer, further between, and lack the mad passion that used to have us raging at each other. All that craziness is worked out in the boudoir now.
It's cruel to withhold affection from someone who you are responsible to. There's no one else that I, or my husband, can go to with sexual needs, so it's pretty mean not to happily meet them for each other. If our daughter needed comforting we'd hug her no matter how tired shouldn't spouses treat each other the same way?
Sometimes, you just don't know how badly you're needed. My husband's a Firefighter / EMT. His "bad days" are BAD, and he often keeps them to himself. On those days when he looks hell in the eyes and needs some TLC from the woman he'd die for, I won't risk being "not in the mood."
Rejection hurts! The only thing worse than being rejected? Being rejected while naked. Ouch.
For the times when "I love you" won't do. My husband isn't so good with the words; never has been, never will be. But his actions tell me loud and clear how much he adores me, and when his hands do the talking… well, who needs Shakespeare?
Of course, there's more to our relationship than sex; but when we're busy getting busy, everything else seems to fall into place a little neater. Some may think our "rule" is overly simplistic, insensitive, or even oppressive, but I sure don't feel oppressed. In fact, I feel pretty darn satisfied.
Here it is on my blog.