So I have been struggling lately with my marriage, and I feel like it is my fault. I am constantly looking for proof that my husband hates me even though I know he loves me and shows me every day by serving me and helping take care of our kids.
I couldn't understand what I was being so sensitive about until yesterday. While reading a parenting book, I finally got it. It was talking about how kids need to feel wanted or they will feel rejected and spend their lives rejecting society and themselves. I learned that in my own head I have been rejecting myself, telling myself I am not wanted and therefore looking for proof from my husband that I am not wanted. When I didn't find much proof from him, I tried to make up things by being extremely sensitive to everything he did and said.
Now I am practicing telling myself I am wanted and needed by my family and God. And as I learn to accept myself, I am also trying to teach my children they are wanted. I am excited to learn with my children the importance of being alive and needed for God's own purposes.
I know how I got my husband - I acted confident like there was something I could give him. I need to go back to taking my importance for granted. Then I don't need proof from him or others that I am wanted. And then I can spend my time serving my family instead of feeling sorry for myself.