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Personal Responsibility
IconWilliam Taylor, from a Washington, D.C. suburb, cheated on his wife.' How do I know that?' Because he held a sign near Tyson's Corner Mall that read:' "I cheated and this is my punishment."' He stayed out on the corner for most of the morning commute, creating quite a commotion.' He and his wife brokered the deal.' He figured he had to do what she asked in order to make things right.When Fox TV interviewed women, they all loved the idea.' The print version of the story appeared on www.foxnews.com and it was followed by a series of reader comments.' Some of the responses suggested that castration was the best punishment for infidelity.' One (obviously male) writer pointed out that women seem to enjoy publicly humiliating men, but would not tolerate the reverse for exactly the same situation.That is true.' Feminism's perspective is that no matter what a woman does, it is the man's fault, and whatever a man does is the man's fault.' Hypothetical example:' a man and woman rob a bank.' He's a bad guy, and she is duped, clouded by love, or dominated by his will.' She's a sad victim, instead of a co-conspirator.' Another example:' a married man has an affair which lasts two weeks.' He comes guilt-ridden to his wife and confesses.' He tells her he's been so emotionally and sexually ignored by her for ten years, that he just absolutely needed some feminine attention and affection.' She ignores everything that comes after the confession and spends her time punishing him and whining to all who will listen.Women rarely take responsibility for any negative relationship issues, and that's largely because of the feminist brainwashing which has made them see all men as Darth Vader.'Here's another point:' in the development of our country, being humiliated in the public square was a standard form of punishment -- remember "stocks" and "pillories" from American history class?' There is something positive to be said about this concept of punishment - for men or women.'When we lived in small communities, the power of shame was potent, and probably dissuaded many from inappropriate behavior of all sorts.' The thought of being embarrassed in public is horrendous to most people, since our reputations are everything in interpersonal relationships.I bet that a lot of spouses, seeing this fellow out there, will remember him when they consider straying.' Consider it a kind of prophylactic for infidelity. More >>

Tags: AdulteryDay CaredaycareInfidelityParentingPersonal ResponsibilitySocial IssuesValues
Tags: fearHealthMarriageMental HealthPersonal Responsibility
IconI usually spend little to no time at all on the "celebrity" sections of Internet news sites.' Frankly, I don't care what celebrities are doing, except in a performance for which I pay good money.' Every now and then, however, something comes to my attention that does make me want to comment.' This time, it's about actress Anne Heche.Apparently, Anne Heche went on the Late Show with David Letterman and ragged on her ex-husband.' She made fun of him collecting checks from her (as mandated by the court as spousal support) following their divorce.Tacky, mean, vindictive and very self-serving.Not long ago, I took a call from a woman who was complaining about her ex-shack-up honey's girlfriend, (the "homewrecker" as she called her).' Here's the gist of how that call went:Me:'Is this woman someone who took vows of fidelity to you?Caller:' NOMe: 'Is this man someone who took vows of fidelity to you?Caller:' NO.Me:'Is this man someone you simply shacked up with without a commitment?Caller:' YES.Me:'Did you decide to create two children in this insecure situation?Caller:' YESMe:'And you're mad at HER???While these two situations seem unrelated, they most certainly are related.' How?' When a person makes foolish decisions and then complains about the most typical, logical and predictable outcome, that is a person totally out of touch with the reality of life.' YOU make choices;' YOU should be willing to take responsibility for those choices and stop looking and acting as if you are an innocent victim of life's tidal waves.Anne Heche did a terrible thing to her ex-husband by humiliating him in public.' What did he do to earn that?' The court mandated the financial support.' I don't know the quality of choice she made in a husband, nor do I know what quality of wife she was.' All I see is that she is not classy, and that she takes no public responsibility for the demise of her marriage.Blaming everything and everyone else may be humorous if you do it on the Letterman show, but it doesn't speak to the truth (and ultimately, we all live with the truth).' She should have said nothing, or added "y'know, I have to take responsibility for my choices and actions here.' I don't like that a grown man is taking spousal support, but I have some responsibility for this marital fiasco too." Now THAT would be classy....and closer to the truth. More >>

Tags: AttitudecompassionMarriagePersonal ResponsibilityValues
IconMice kept on a diet that is healthy (but absolutely no fun at all) in which their caloric intake was restricted to only 70% of what's considered "normal" lived 30 to 40% longer than the usual lifespan.' The only downside of this restriction was that the mice were less fertile than their non-restricted counterparts.'Most people can't restrict calories for long, so, according to the New York Times , scientists are trying to find a drug that tricks the body into thinking it's eating fewer calories.' The problem is that all of these restricted calorie experiments are done on captive mice, who are selected for quick breeding and who are fed on rich diets.' A low-calorie diet could be much closer to the diet that mice are adapted to in the wild, extending their life simply because it is much healthier for them.' Mice don't live that long, anyway.' Humans have a longer life span, and that extended duration of time on the planet leaves us more vulnerable to cancers.So, after 20 years of experimenting with caloric restriction on monkeys in captivity, studies found the monkeys were healthier (i.e., they had fewer incidents of diabetes, cancer, and heart disease), but their life span was not significantly longer.' Eating more prudently than we generally do, therefore, was good for quality of life, but not for quantity of life.And that's the point of my taking on this issue in the first place.' People call my radio program knowing they're probably going to die of some particular terminal disease they have.' They call me, because they're spending each day suffering emotionally over the realization that they will soon be dead.' My response to one woman in this situation was to wake up each morning and yell out loud: "Damn - I'm not dead!' Today, I'm gonna LIVE OUT LOUD!!!" The point of our being upset about death is the realization that we've lost all we value in life.' So, take each day that you're not dead to live life to the fullest.' Enjoy that day you're not dead.' Don't waste one precious moment of it.Come to think of it, that's good advice for everyone, since at different times, and at different rates, we're all terminal.' Don't waste one minute of life. More >>

Tags: AttitudeCharacter, Courage, ConscienceCharacter-Courage-ConscienceCommon SenseHealthMorals, Ethics, ValuesPersonal ResponsibilityPurposeValues
Tags: AttitudeCharacter, Courage, ConscienceCharacter-Courage-ConscienceCommon SenseHealthMorals, Ethics, ValuesPersonal ResponsibilityPurposeValues
Tags: Eat Less-Move MorePersonal ResponsibilityResponse To A CommentValuesYoga
IconEvery time a celebrity does something egregious (and only when they get caught doing it), they appear on Letterman (or previously on Leno) or some network morning show to self-flagellate as a method for gaining sympathy.' It's a rather standard public relations maneuver, and I usually find it to be an example of false contrition.There's a big difference between having remorse because you were caught, as opposed to before you were caught.' Most people just say "Sorry," because they were caught, and not because they have actual remorse for doing something wrong.' In other words, their "Sorry," actually means "Geez, I'm soooo sorry I was caught," which is vastly different from "Oh, I'm soooo sorry I hurt someone." This brings me to Michael Vick, who, with his own hands, perpetrated some of the most horrific torture of fighting dogs that I have ever heard about.' Frankly, it was hard to imagine the kind of dissociation from all compassion and emotion that goes into looking into the eyes of suffering animals, and enjoying watching the pain and enjoying having that much power over an agonized, terrified animal.' To me, that is sociopathic which is over the top in cruelty.' I would not like to see that person on the streets ever again.Vick is now out of jail, and has been on 60 Minutes to explain his behavior and to make the case for his repentance.' Repentance has four parts:' 1) taking responsibility for your actions (owning what you've done and giving no excuses or blaming others for your own actions), 2) feeling remorse (i.e., being truly regretful for the hurt caused), 3) repair (for example, going to the Humane Society and/or giving talks to change people's minds and hearts about how they treat animals - and, by the way, Vick has been doing that), and 4) no repeat behavior.' Those are the Four R's of Repentance.On 60 Minutes , Vick took total responsibility for his actions.' He was even pushed by James Brown, who asked: "Who do you blame for all of this?" Vick said, "I blame me." He didn't use the words "but..." or "it's just..." which I hear all too often on my radio program.' Instead, he just took responsibility.' He talked about his first experience watching dog fights at age 8, and, as a boy of 8, thought it was cool, fun, and exciting.' It was something a lot of men friends did together.'It was poignant when he pointed out that it was time for him to pay the price with jail time, he did that alone, because all his so-called "friends" were gone.' He said, "I deserve to lose the $130 million." He also admitted to being lazy and arrogant while at the Atlanta Falcons. It seems he took his prison time to really assess his own moral character and his life.' He spent 2 years in jail, and was suspended from playing football, and he lost all his sponsorship dollars and his reputation.'None of that really impresses me...not at all.' What does impress me is his statement that "football doesn't matter at all," because "...I should have [taken] the initiative to stop it all.' I didn't.' I didn't stop it at all." So, I'm okay with the Philadelphia Eagles giving him a job.' I think he's taken a right-hand turn onto the correct road toward being a decent human being.' I'm willing to stand out of his way and let him do just that. More >>

Tags: academicsEducationMoralsMorals, Ethics, ValuesParentingPersonal Responsibility
IconAntidepressant drug use in the United States doubled between 1998 and 2005, according to a report in The Archives of General Psychiatry.' But I'm telling you that there is no way in the world that the incidence of profound depression doubled in that same period.' No way.About 13 million people (or 6% of the population) were prescribed an antidepressant in 1996.' By 2006, that number rose to more than 27 million people.' Again, there's no way that the incidence of profound depression increased that much.'Try this number on for size:' more than 164 million prescriptions were written in 2008, totaling almost $10 BILLION in US sales.' Unlike the incidence of profound depression, I believe that the incidence of making money off prescriptions for depression did indeed double between 1996 and 2005.As a licensed psychotherapist, I can tell you with great candor that the psychological and pharmaceutical communities have a huge investment in income - plain and simple.' It's been amazing to me (and I have commented on this publicly for thirty years) how there are trends in diagnoses and grandiose treatments.' For a while, everyone was agoraphobic; then every adult claimed to have some level of ADD; then there was a trend toward multiple personality disorder.' Now, being bi-polar is the illness of choice, or so it seems.I'm going to state the obvious: yes , there are people clinically depressed to such a severe level that medicine might be the difference between life and suicide.' I have recommended interim treatment for people who seem to be suffering profoundly.However, this "doubling" issue is occurring for a number of reasons:' 1) trends in the psych industry; 2) money-making efforts by pharmaceutical companies (notice all the TV commercials); 3) the growing weakness of the American public to deal with frustrations and setbacks; 4) the social acceptance of copping to a mental illness to explain various personality/behavioral issues; 5) insurance companies not paying for psychotherapy (requiring high out-of-pocket expenses for treatment).' The bottom line?' Numerous studies show that therapy is as effective (if not more effective) than drug use alone.I've become more and more concerned about people trying to "cure" what is normal.' I've said this on my program many times:' being sad and deflated over job or love losses is normal ; having childhood disruptions in one's life is normal ; hanging on to them as an identity, attempt at attention, and as a cop-out for responsibilities is not accepting (and not enduring) what is normal .'A sixteen year old male called my radio program the other day.' He was sad that "the love of his life" dumped him, and he didn't see any future for himself.' I told him that what he was calling the "love of his life" at 16 was not what he would choose as the love of his life at 26.' I also told him that this adolescent "drama" was normal , and that he would go through it a number of times, before he truly recognized who would ultimately be the "love of his life."' His attitude lightened up as he began to understand what normal meant.' I told him to distract himself with sports (releasing powerful endorphins) and friends, without harping on his situation, and it would pass...until the next time.' That is just simply what life is like.We have people who can't take a joke, can't tolerate a difference of opinion (after George W. Bush was re-elected, a psychologist in my area published an article talking about the massive depression in his patients who were Democrats - I was stunned and horrified that people would seek therapy for an election disappointment), who call everything "harassment," who go through difficulties and say that the rest of their lives are "ruined" because of that event, who say they can't function anymore in life because somebody pushed them too close to their actual potential, and so on.'Frankly, I worry that Americans are getting spiritually and psychologically weaker - voluntarily - because victimhood is attractive, and because there is a group for every type of victim that will help them to prolong the suffering. More >>

Tags: ChildrenHealthMental HealthParentingPersonal Responsibility
IconA young, female graduate of Monroe College in the Bronx, New York, is suing the school for a total of $70,000 she contends is the amount she spent on getting a degree that promised her a job.'I looked up Monroe College on the Internet, and this is what I read: "Whether preparing for a career or simply needing a part-time job, the Monroe College Office of Career Advancement provides expert advice and valuable services to help you.' Every student at Monroe College has a Career Advisor, who provides one-on-one assistance with career decision-making, resume and letter writing, and job search strategies.' The Office of Career Advancement helps with career assessment, resume writing, job search and strategy, employer recruitment and placement, interviewing skills, and other job search guidance.' Registering with E-recruiting allows you to view online job listings, post a resume to the database, and access additional web-based career resources." I don't see a promise or guarantee or money-back offer .' The college cannot guarantee against the world's financial issues.' Also, we don't know how well she did in her courses, or how aggressively she worked on getting a position, or how inventive and persistent she's been in trying to get herself situated.I wondered also if she weren't making a public spectacle in order to bully the college into giving her back her money, as she is heavily in debt and living with her single mother (who is also living on meager resources).' I don't know her motive first hand.' I just wonder.It's getting more and more annoying that more and more people figure they're entitled to things just because they want them.' That's an adolescent view (which consists only of a narcissistic perception of the world), and it's supposed to mature in one's twenties.I'm sorry she's in debt, but she made that choice.' I'm sorry she's having a hard time getting a job right now.' Maybe she has to choose something to do which has nothing to do with her degree just to sustain herself and her mom through these rough times that millions of people are also dealing with.' I'm sorry she's mad, but nobody owes her a living.' I'm sorry the media sees fit to make a big deal of her actions without some judgment as to the worthiness of those actions.I'm not sorry I'm mentioning this, as I want to make sure that none of magnificent listening audience slips into this childish state of pouting and stamping feet when life doesn't go the way you planned or wanted.' If there is one thing to learn from this girl, it's that life doesn't guarantee anything but the opportunity, and she's wasting it by whining.' If I were an employer, I wouldn't hire her after reading about these antics.' I would want a more mature individual who does what she has to do to survive, and makes the best of it.' That's the kind of person to respect and support. More >>

Tags: EducationMorals, Ethics, ValuesPersonal ResponsibilityValues
IconA now 17-year-old boy from Thousand Oaks, California recently sailed, by himself, some 28,000 miles in one year on a 36-foot sailboat.' Zac Sunderland was 16 when he left Marina del Rey harbor in June, 2008.The Associated Press writer was a bit snarky, I think, when writing: "But the shaggy-haired Thousand Oaks native might not hold the record of being the youngest person to sail around the world alone for long.' British sailor Mike Perham is a few months younger than Sunderland, and is sailing a bigger, faster boat." If I were Zac's mother, this would have annoyed me.' I'm not his mother, but it annoys me .' Assuming she or he wants to keep a scrapbook commemorating his sailing exploits, what a snarky thing to have included. "A few months...a bigger, faster boat." So what?Here is a 16 (now 17) year old kid who, instead of partying, abusing drugs, alcohol or hanging out with silly girls, instead of spending hours on Facebook, MySpace, Twitter or whatever, instead of hanging in his room sullen, instead of causing trouble at school, instead of driving too fast in the car he shouldn't have been given in the first place, instead of a lot of typical teenage boy activities, took on a challenge that was to test his ability to discipline himself, live austerely, deal with unpredictable weather and seas, survive loneliness and fear, and fix equipment failures when warranted.Shoving up his nose in print that someone else trying it is younger and has a better boat, shows, in my opinion, a complete ignorance of the difficulties and challenges he had to face.' It is remarkable for such a young person to brave all the elements of wind and sea to take an incredible journey on his own.' I am sure he now has a healthy respect for nature, life and himself.' I am sure he won't hesitate to face many other challenges on land.' I am sure he won't be abusing himself or substances to get a "rush."' I am sure he's a fine young man who should be an inspiration to other teens.' You are never too young to have a dream and go for it.I'm sure his mom is very proud.' She should be! More >>

Tags: Character, Courage, ConscienceCharacter-Courage-ConscienceCourageFamily/Relationships - TeensHobbiesPersonal ResponsibilitySailingTeensValues
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