Dr. Laura
Dr. Laura, America's #1 Relationship Talk Radio Host
On: SiriusXM Triumph Channel 111
Call 1-800-DR LAURA (1-800-375-2872) 11am - 2pm PT
Personal Responsibility
05/13/2010
IconPeople are being murdered every day in the United States.' However, some of these murders capture the public's attention more than others.' Hugely fascinating and frightening has been the recent murder of the female Yale University graduate student, whose body was found stuffed into a wall in the Yale University biology lab on the day she was to be married.' Perhaps it was the imminent nuptials which made people more sympathetic, or perhaps it was that one is ultimately not safe anywhere that made people respond so viscerally to this particular news story.A 10 year old girl called me shortly after that story broke out, because she was now quite scared about everything.' Her fear only started, however, when she was in a movie theater bathroom stall and a woman came in, screaming and pounding on the doors, ostensibly looking for some other child.' Since that incident, my young caller had been scared.' Her mother was listening in when I validated this child's feelings by saying "You are perfectly correct in being scared.' It is true that there are bad people who are willing to hurt you and that you are sometimes not even safe in your own home." Paradoxically, that calmed her down!' Why?' Perhaps it seems to you that that comment would make her more upset.' Nope.' I validated her worst fears, and in doing so, helped her to put them in proper proportion.' If everyone is lying to you because of good intentions, you have to escalate to get them to confirm reality.' This child did not have to bounce off walls anymore.' Someone believed her that life is not completely safe.I continued by reminding her that she was becoming an adult.' Adults deal with truth, and the truth is that we are not always safe.' Adults need to be aware of that and, instead of just being freaked out about it,, they need to prepare for it:' locking the doors, watching who is near your car in a parking lot, learning some self-defense, being careful about where you go with people you don't know, and on and on.Evil is a part of life; danger is a part of life.' People need to know and respect that fact and be armed with information and reasonable plans to deal with these facts.'A little bit of paranoia is a good thing.' It keeps you prepared. Too much paranoia inhibits one from living life at all.'Don't hide the fact of evil and danger from your children.' Teach them how to recognize them and then what to do. More >>

Tags: Family/Relationships - ChildrenFearHealthMental HealthParentingPersonal Responsibility
PERMALINK | EMAIL | PRINT | RSS  Subscribe
Tags: Personal ResponsibilitySocial IssuesValues
PERMALINK | EMAIL | PRINT | RSS  Subscribe
05/13/2010
IconWhen I was in grade school one year, I got a few "D's" on my report card.' With a pen of contrasting color to the D, I made a line halfway across the letter from left to right, and turned the two D's into weird looking B's.' Much to my astonishment, my father noticed the alteration!' And, boy oh boy, I got punished.The following story ups the ante on my little escapade:' An 11 year old boy from Alabama didn't want to bring home his bad report card either.' So, he said that a man with a pistol snatched him after he left middle school, forced him into a beat-up car, and threatened to kill him.' He then explained that he escaped by jumping out of the car, but that he wasn't able to grab his book bag in which was (no surprise here)....the report card.' The police investigators were a bit suspicious when the boy was able to "escape" with his cumbersome band instrument, but not his soft, smaller book bag.'The boy ran to his grandfather's house, and admitted to lying.' The grandfather called the police to apologize.I mention this story because the issue of grades is important.' Grade inflation definitely exists -- and it's like telling a kid he's special just because he breathes regularly. It builds a false sense of competency and value which condemns a kid to fail in the future and be frustrated that his unconditional perfection hasn't quite panned out.'In addition, there's a lack of willingness to respect children who are able and willing to work hard and attain high grades and become valedictorians.' In fact, the acknowledgment of a valedictorian has been banned in some schools so the feelings of those less accomplished won't be hurt.'Then there are parents who want to see A's, even if their child is capable only of a C+.' I always tell parents that the teacher should let them know at their regular meetings whether or not their child is doing his or her best - that's the best -accomplishment.It's sad when parents don't know what's happening with their children's school work until report card day, and then the yelling starts.' Yes, this Alabama boy did the wrong thing, but he must have been (as I was) VERY scared about the consequences.' He's 11....11!!' If he's that scared,' then let's look at that first, and then help him to do his best.' Punishment for bad grades is not the way to go in this case.'Punishment for editing the D's or for lying to police?' Now that makes more sense. More >>

Tags: appreciateAttitudeEducationFamily/Relationships - ChildrenParentingPersonal ResponsibilitySchoolStressValues
PERMALINK | EMAIL | PRINT | RSS  Subscribe
Tags: Character, Courage, ConscienceCharacter-Courage-ConscienceChildrenParentingPersonal ResponsibilityValues
PERMALINK | EMAIL | PRINT | RSS  Subscribe
05/13/2010
IconWhen President Obama spoke to school children last week, he gave the kind of speech I would have given:' he emphasized that personal responsibility is the ticket to a life of success and a strong country.' He mentioned that all the equipment, books, and desks were all well and good, but useful only if students took the responsibility to work hard at their studies.I wish our courts (and the rest of the President's agenda) followed that concept of personal responsibility.' Not so.An Indiana court has ruled that a pizza shop must pay for a 340 pound employee's weight loss surgery in order to ensure the success of another operation for a back injury he suffered at work when he was accidentally struck in the back by a freezer door.' I wonder how much his girth was responsible for the accident.' I don't wonder how much his girth is responsible for the fact that the surgery for his back won't be undertaken until he reduces his weight first - no kidding!' But making the pizza shop employer responsible for paying for that weight loss surgery is not in keeping with the President's message of personal responsibility.The man was obese before he was hired.' If he hadn't been hired because of his weight, that would have been discrimination, and would have been illegal.' Employers are screwed no matter what they do to run a business and make a reasonable profit.This is not the only such case.' The most recent was in Oregon, where the state's Supreme Court ruled on August 27 that the state workers' compensation insurance must pay for gastric bypass surgery to ensure that a man's knee replacement surgery was effective.Businesses will definitely and understandably be much more careful about whom they hire.' While they can't not hire a fat person because he or she is fat, they are not obligated to hire the first person who shows up for the job, and they can and should come up with some other reason to protect themselves from unreasonable financial demands because they hired a person who eats more and moves less.'Obviously, this situation is anti-personal responsibility and anti-business.' This ruling will have repercussions beyond obesity and weight-loss surgery.' Employers will be wary of hiring people who have other conditions that expose them to workplace injury.' Developmental and physical limitations of some applicants will likely keep potential employers from being as compassionate as they've been in the past.'This is really sad, because ultimately, it's the individual with some challenges who will suffer. More >>

Tags: Character, Courage, ConscienceCharacter-Courage-ConsciencemarriagePersonal ResponsibilitySocial IssuesValues
PERMALINK | EMAIL | PRINT | RSS  Subscribe
05/13/2010
IconWilliam Taylor, from a Washington, D.C. suburb, cheated on his wife.' How do I know that?' Because he held a sign near Tyson's Corner Mall that read:' "I cheated and this is my punishment."' He stayed out on the corner for most of the morning commute, creating quite a commotion.' He and his wife brokered the deal.' He figured he had to do what she asked in order to make things right.When Fox TV interviewed women, they all loved the idea.' The print version of the story appeared on www.foxnews.com and it was followed by a series of reader comments.' Some of the responses suggested that castration was the best punishment for infidelity.' One (obviously male) writer pointed out that women seem to enjoy publicly humiliating men, but would not tolerate the reverse for exactly the same situation.That is true.' Feminism's perspective is that no matter what a woman does, it is the man's fault, and whatever a man does is the man's fault.' Hypothetical example:' a man and woman rob a bank.' He's a bad guy, and she is duped, clouded by love, or dominated by his will.' She's a sad victim, instead of a co-conspirator.' Another example:' a married man has an affair which lasts two weeks.' He comes guilt-ridden to his wife and confesses.' He tells her he's been so emotionally and sexually ignored by her for ten years, that he just absolutely needed some feminine attention and affection.' She ignores everything that comes after the confession and spends her time punishing him and whining to all who will listen.Women rarely take responsibility for any negative relationship issues, and that's largely because of the feminist brainwashing which has made them see all men as Darth Vader.'Here's another point:' in the development of our country, being humiliated in the public square was a standard form of punishment -- remember "stocks" and "pillories" from American history class?' There is something positive to be said about this concept of punishment - for men or women.'When we lived in small communities, the power of shame was potent, and probably dissuaded many from inappropriate behavior of all sorts.' The thought of being embarrassed in public is horrendous to most people, since our reputations are everything in interpersonal relationships.I bet that a lot of spouses, seeing this fellow out there, will remember him when they consider straying.' Consider it a kind of prophylactic for infidelity. More >>

Tags: AdulteryDay CaredaycareInfidelityParentingPersonal ResponsibilitySocial IssuesValues
PERMALINK | EMAIL | PRINT | RSS  Subscribe
Tags: fearHealthMarriageMental HealthPersonal Responsibility
PERMALINK | EMAIL | PRINT | RSS  Subscribe
05/13/2010
IconI usually spend little to no time at all on the "celebrity" sections of Internet news sites.' Frankly, I don't care what celebrities are doing, except in a performance for which I pay good money.' Every now and then, however, something comes to my attention that does make me want to comment.' This time, it's about actress Anne Heche.Apparently, Anne Heche went on the Late Show with David Letterman and ragged on her ex-husband.' She made fun of him collecting checks from her (as mandated by the court as spousal support) following their divorce.Tacky, mean, vindictive and very self-serving.Not long ago, I took a call from a woman who was complaining about her ex-shack-up honey's girlfriend, (the "homewrecker" as she called her).' Here's the gist of how that call went:Me:'Is this woman someone who took vows of fidelity to you?Caller:' NOMe: 'Is this man someone who took vows of fidelity to you?Caller:' NO.Me:'Is this man someone you simply shacked up with without a commitment?Caller:' YES.Me:'Did you decide to create two children in this insecure situation?Caller:' YESMe:'And you're mad at HER???While these two situations seem unrelated, they most certainly are related.' How?' When a person makes foolish decisions and then complains about the most typical, logical and predictable outcome, that is a person totally out of touch with the reality of life.' YOU make choices;' YOU should be willing to take responsibility for those choices and stop looking and acting as if you are an innocent victim of life's tidal waves.Anne Heche did a terrible thing to her ex-husband by humiliating him in public.' What did he do to earn that?' The court mandated the financial support.' I don't know the quality of choice she made in a husband, nor do I know what quality of wife she was.' All I see is that she is not classy, and that she takes no public responsibility for the demise of her marriage.Blaming everything and everyone else may be humorous if you do it on the Letterman show, but it doesn't speak to the truth (and ultimately, we all live with the truth).' She should have said nothing, or added "y'know, I have to take responsibility for my choices and actions here.' I don't like that a grown man is taking spousal support, but I have some responsibility for this marital fiasco too." Now THAT would be classy....and closer to the truth. More >>

Tags: AttitudecompassionMarriagePersonal ResponsibilityValues
PERMALINK | EMAIL | PRINT | RSS  Subscribe
05/13/2010
IconMice kept on a diet that is healthy (but absolutely no fun at all) in which their caloric intake was restricted to only 70% of what's considered "normal" lived 30 to 40% longer than the usual lifespan.' The only downside of this restriction was that the mice were less fertile than their non-restricted counterparts.'Most people can't restrict calories for long, so, according to the New York Times , scientists are trying to find a drug that tricks the body into thinking it's eating fewer calories.' The problem is that all of these restricted calorie experiments are done on captive mice, who are selected for quick breeding and who are fed on rich diets.' A low-calorie diet could be much closer to the diet that mice are adapted to in the wild, extending their life simply because it is much healthier for them.' Mice don't live that long, anyway.' Humans have a longer life span, and that extended duration of time on the planet leaves us more vulnerable to cancers.So, after 20 years of experimenting with caloric restriction on monkeys in captivity, studies found the monkeys were healthier (i.e., they had fewer incidents of diabetes, cancer, and heart disease), but their life span was not significantly longer.' Eating more prudently than we generally do, therefore, was good for quality of life, but not for quantity of life.And that's the point of my taking on this issue in the first place.' People call my radio program knowing they're probably going to die of some particular terminal disease they have.' They call me, because they're spending each day suffering emotionally over the realization that they will soon be dead.' My response to one woman in this situation was to wake up each morning and yell out loud: "Damn - I'm not dead!' Today, I'm gonna LIVE OUT LOUD!!!" The point of our being upset about death is the realization that we've lost all we value in life.' So, take each day that you're not dead to live life to the fullest.' Enjoy that day you're not dead.' Don't waste one precious moment of it.Come to think of it, that's good advice for everyone, since at different times, and at different rates, we're all terminal.' Don't waste one minute of life. More >>

Tags: AttitudeCharacter, Courage, ConscienceCharacter-Courage-ConscienceCommon SenseHealthMorals, Ethics, ValuesPersonal ResponsibilityPurposeValues
PERMALINK | EMAIL | PRINT | RSS  Subscribe
Tags: AttitudeCharacter, Courage, ConscienceCharacter-Courage-ConscienceCommon SenseHealthMorals, Ethics, ValuesPersonal ResponsibilityPurposeValues
PERMALINK | EMAIL | PRINT | RSS  Subscribe
Stay Connected
or connect at a place below
Make an Appointment
Latest Poll
What are you MOST looking forward to after quarantine ends?
Archives  |  Results
Programs
About Dr. Laura
Letters
E-mail of the Day
From Listeners
Audio & Video
YouTube Videos
Stay at Home
Parenting
Relationships
Simple Savings
Work at Home
Tip of the Week
Subscription
Membership
Help & Support
Family Premium Help Center
Podcast Help
Contact Us
Legal
Terms of Use
© 2020 DrLaura.com. Take on the Day, LLC
Dr. Laura is a registered trademark of Take On The Day, LLC.
Terms & Conditions  |  Privacy Policy
Powered By Nox Solutions