Deleting Your FacebookAccount 101
By John Sileo
www.Sileo.com

How do I delete my Facebook account?I get asked this question every day. At my speeches, by my clients, bymy friends and family. It used to be that people no longer wanted themundane information overload that Facebook promotes. But now they are looking at it from aprivacy perspective - they no longer want their thoughts, pictures, andvideos shared indiscriminately with people they don't know.

The defections have been sparked by Facebook's continuing march to sellyour private information (with only your implied consent, i.e., simplyby using Facebook, you agree to their terms) with an ever wideningcircle of people who are NOT YOUR FRIENDS (advertisers, data miners,and unfortunately, identity thieves). Many of the corporations I speakfor have me include a component on safe social networking because theinformation their employees are posting (personally or professionally)are damaging their corporate brand and profits either through dataleakage or as a beach-head for social engineering and other types offraud.

In past posts, I have pointed to the tools at your disposal to tightendown your Facebook security settings. But suddenly, that is nolonger complete enough for people, as Facebook continues to erode whatlittle privacy you can control. Just look at the privacy relatedFacebook news in the past few weeks:

• CNNArticle about Facebook defection because of privacy concerns
• Facebook announces OpenGraph, which shares your data with websites outside of Facebook toallow for more targeted advertising
• Securityhole: Live chat messages and pending friend requests brieflyavailable to ALL contacts forced Facebook to disable chat

So for those who actually want totake themselves off of Facebook (whether they want to delete theirFacebook profile or simply deactivate it), let me give you the basics.

First of all, you need to know the difference between Deactivating and Deleting your Facebook account (Iwill walk you through the steps to do either). When you "deactivate" your account, Facebookmerely suspends your account but retains all of your data in case youwant to restore it at a later date (and in case they still want to sellit even though you are no longer active). When you "delete" your account, yourinformation is permanently removed from Facebook (eventually) and cannot be restored if you changeyour mind. In other words, before you delete your account, make surethat you have original copies of any of the photos, videos, posts andcontact lists in your profile. Once they are gone, they're gone.

How To Deactivate Your Facebook Account:

Here are step-by-step instruction on how you can easily deactivate youraccount. Remember the difference between deactivation and deletion:deactivation is temporary so that you can reactivate your account ifyou wish to return to Facebook.

1. Log into your account and on the top right side click Account and thenAccount Settings.When this screen pops up, click the last option: Deactivate Account.


2. Once you click on Deactivate Account,it will bring you to this page:



Even after your account is "deactivated", you can still be tagged inphotos, invited to events, etc. Once again, you are still an activepart of the social networking site, it's just that you don't get to useany of the tools available to active accounts (thought Facebookcontinues to use your information). For a little additional privacy, besure to "opt out" of emails at the bottom of the page if you don't wantto receive any communications.

3. The site will ask you to confirm your password as well as a"captcha" security word to confirm that you are a living, breathing defector and nota computer.


Remember, you can reactivate at any time by logging in with your emailand password, although you must have access to your current login emailaddress.

4. Following all of these steps, Facebook will send you an emailconfirmation entitled "You have deactivated your Facebook account". Ofcourse, the email gives you a way to reactivate your account Facebookreally wants you to stick around, as your information is what supportstheir bottom line.

If this doesn't go far enough toward protecting your privacy#133;

How To Delete Your Facebook Account:

If you are certain that you won't use Facebook again (at least withyour current settings, posts, photos, videos, groups and pages) andwould like your account deleted, please keep in mindthat you will not be able to reactivate your account or retrieve any ofthe content or information you have added. If you would likeyour account permanently deleted with no option for recovery, followthese steps:

1. Log in to your account and then click here to PermanentlyDelete Your Facebook Account (and regain some sense of privacy).You should see this page:


2. Click submit to continue, enter your password, complete the securitycheck and click OK to make sure that you want to continue withDeletion. It should look something like this:


3. You will then be taken to one final page to confirm permanentdeletion of your Facebook account:

Pay close attention to the second sentence. If you log into youraccount again (even automatically on your iPhone or in your browser orthrough an affiliated site like Twitter or LinkedIn) your profile will be reactivated.


4. After completing this process you should receive an email with asubject similar to: "Account Scheduled for Deletion". At this point,you still have the option to cancel the request. I have heardthat Facebook might guilt you into staying (e.g., they may say that JoeFriend (one of your contacts) will really miss you).

Deleting your Facebook account is a very personal decision, but it isyour right to have these tools for controlling privacy at yourfingertips.

About the author: To furtherbulletproof yourself and your business, visit John's blog at www.Sileo.com. To book John at your next event,visit www.ThinkLikeaSpy.com.John Sileo became America's leading Identity Theft Speaker amp;Expert after he lost his business and more than $300,000 toidentity theft and data breach. His clients include the Department ofDefense, Pfizer and the FDIC.Permissiongranted for use onDrLaura.com.



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Passion for Pomegranates
By Cheryl Tallman and Joan Ahlers
http://www.FreshBaby.com/

Pomegranates are quite unique. Slightly sweet. Slightly tart. Inside the crimson-colored fruit you'll find exactly 840 Arils. These are seeds surrounded by a sac of sweet-tart juice. The arils are held together in layers resembling honeycomb. Simply peel off the arils and pop them in your mouth for a burst of pomegranate goodness.

Pomegranates are fun to eat, but do require a little work. For those of us looking for great flavor with "open and enjoy" convenience there several brands of pomegranate juice on the market to quench your thirst and deliver an antioxidant punch.

At the market: Pomegranates are available fresh from October through January. Pomegranates are picked when ripe, so when you see them in stores they are ready to eat. When selecting a pomegranate, consider that the heavier the fruit is, the juicier it will be.

Pomegranate juice is sold under several brand names. You'll find pomegranate juice in the produce or juice sections of the supermarket. Check the label to ensure you are purchasing 100% pomegranate juice.

Storage: Whole fruits can be stored for a month in a cool, dry area or refrigerated up to two months. When frozen, the arils or juice will keep for several months in air-tight containers.

The Art of Eating a Pomegranate: At first glance, the pomegranate appears a bit intimidating. Here's the quickest way to harvest the arils from the skin:

• Cut off the crown, then cut the pomegranate into sections.
• Place a section in a bowl of water. Using your fingers, gently separate the red arils from the skin. The arils will sink and the white skin will float to the top.
• Discard the skin - it is not edible. Drain the water by pouring the arils through a colander or strainer.

Note: Pomegranate juice stains fingers, clothes and carpeting. Sitting at the kitchen table or outside is the best place to enjoy pomegranates.

Here are some creative and simple ideas to include pomegranates into your family meals:

Dressings and marinades: Pomegranate juice has an acidic, citrus-y flavor. It's a great substitute for citrus in marinades and salad dressings. Simply substitute the same quantity of pomegranate juice in a recipe that calls for orange, lemon or grapefruit juice. Pomegranate flavor is a great complement to lamb. Here is a simple marinade that is perfect for making lamb kabobs.

Pomegranate Marinated Lamb Kabobs

1/2 cup pomegranate juice 1/4 cup olive oil 1 Tbsp lemon juice 1 tsp salt 1/4 tsp fresh ground pepper 1 tsp dried rosemary or 1 Tbsp fresh rosemary, chopped 2 cloves garlic, minced 2 pounds boneless lamb shoulder or leg, cut into 1 1/2 inch cubes/li>In a large bowl, whisk together pomegranate juice, oil, lemon juice, salt, pepper, rosemary and garlic. Add lamb cubes and toss to coat. Cover and refrigerate at least 6 hours or overnight.

Thread lamb equally onto bamboo or metal skewers. Place skewers on medium hot BBQ or a lightly greased Grill Pan on medium heat. Cook, turning often until meat is well browned outside, but pink in the center, about 10-15 minutes. Serves 6.

Enjoy a pomegranate soda: Start with tall glass filled with a few ice cubes. Pour sparkling water to 1/2 full. Then fill to the top with 100% pomegranate juice. Garnish with sprig of fresh mint or a lemon twist.

Return of a classic: Many years ago, Grenadine was made from pomegranates. Sadly, bottled versions today are made with artificial flavor and food coloring - no pomegranates at all. To put the pomegranate back into grenadine, make your own at home. It's easy.

In a small saucepan, simmer 2 cups of pomegranate juice over medium heat and cook until reduced by half, about 7 minutes. Reduce heat and add 1 cup sugar, stirring constantly until dissolved, about 2 minutes. Let cool. Store in a tightly closed jar or container in the refrigerator for up to a month.

Along with making a great Tequila Sunrise or Shirley Temple, this pomegranate syrup, is a tasty treat. Here are some great ways to use this syrup:

• Drizzle over pancakes, waffles or French toast
  
• Stir into plain yogurt, smoothies or oatmeal
  
• Pour over frozen yogurt, ice cream or pound cake

Great garnish: Pomegranate arils add a dash of color, flavor and texture to many dishes.

Try sprinkling or tossing arils in:

Guacamole or salsa
Creamed spinach
Fried rice
Salads - green, spinach or fruit
Brown rice, couscous or quinoa
Alfredo pasta

Pomegranate-infused BBQ Chicken: Put some zip into store-bought BBQ sauce by combining a frac12; cup of pomegranate juice and frac12; cup of BBQ sauce in a saucepan. Bring to boil, reduce heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes. Baste the sauce over a chicken while it's baking or slather over chicken in the final minutes of grilling.

About the authors: Cheryl Tallman and Joan Ahlers are sisters, the mothers of five children and founders of Fresh Baby ( www.FreshBaby.com ). They are the creators of the award-winning So Easy Baby Food Kit and Good Clean Fun Placemats, available at many fine specialty stores and national chains including Target and Whole Foods Markets. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.

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How to Answer theDreaded Questions
When you Go Home for the Holidays
By The Love Goddess
www.thelovegoddess.com


"I'm going to be asked by my aunt--yetagain--why I'm not married," and am tired of answering thequestion with "Because I haven't met anyone yet. Because the look onher face when I say that is, like, triumphant. 'Oh dear.' she says,shaking her head 'I guess, well,--and here she smiles--no one's reallygood enough. Such a shame. How old are you now?'"
'My brothers are going to tease meabout gaining weight. I need a quick answer that doesn't humiliate me.Help!
'My mother will put down myboyfriend--a fabulous carpenter just starting out--with little snydecomments like, 'And what do you do again, dear?

Okay darling earth girls; time to get smart--now, beforeChristmas. Answers to stupid questions require planning ahead,lest they make you so mad you lose your cool. Here are threetried-and-true ways to five answers to the world's most obnoxiousquestions. Note that they share a theme, and that it's the theme you'reto remember.

1. ANYONE WHO ASKS YOU WHY YOU'RE NOT MARRIED DESERVES A BLOW-OFFANSWER.--AS GOOFY AND INSINCERE AS YOU CAN MAKE IT. Don't takethe question or the person seriously, as it's not a sincere questionbut rather one designed to make you uncomfortable (for, after all, whatanswer can you give that doesn't require an intimate, honestexchange?). So, unless you're prepared to level the person and start afight, evade the question with a breezy, even goofy answer--it deflectsthe hostility and you come out looking cheerful and unfazed.

2. To hone this skill, try anticipating the questioner's real point,and offer the answer she or he wants to hear. "I guess no one's goodenough for me, Aunt Jane" is very good, as it saves her the trouble ofimplying just that. 'No one would ever marry me because I'm fartoo stupid is another good one. Whatever you suspect the hidden agendais.

3. Disarm the questioner with something more interesting than thequestion. "I came close to marrying Fred Auntie, but he got worriedwhen he discovered how rich I am." At least she'll do a double take.You? Rich? How and when? Huh? An excellent answer. Thenturn and pour yourself a drink--and don't join her again.

The theme here is to disarm the rude questioner in any way you can. Thegoofier the answer, the better. "Gosh, Grandpa, I DO want toget married and have found just the right guy....but my psychic told me not to get marrieduntil February of 2011. So I'm waiting. " (Grandpa won't knowwhether to ask about the psychic or the reasoning for the month ofFebruary, or why he didn't know you were engaged--by which point you'llhave dashed out of the room.) Your "psychic" could also be yourguru, or your priest or your Groom's mother. Anybody who hasn'tbeen introduced to the family, nor heard of at all, will do. You wantto sound like it's all taken care of--by some lunatic no one knows.

For a roomful of family friends who all seem to be asking the samequestion and can't shut up, try. "Oh, you haven't heard, UncleBill. I AM married! I just haven't announced it yet! You're thefirst to know--so keep it a secret for me for now, okay?" Bill willwant to know when you're going to tell everyone. Just say, "Soon! Verysoon!"

Same for your boyfriend, the neophyte carpenter. Have him tell yourmother he's working on a chest of drawers for the queen of England. Andtell your brothers that the reason you've gained weight is that you'reon the girls' basketball team and are taking steroids till you reachthe proper strength.

See?

And then walk away and find someone to talk to who loves you just theway you are.

Dalma Heyn, M.S.W., Founder of The Love Goddess, is the author ofseveral bestselling books on marriage and relationships. Dalma is awidely read columnist and sought-after speaker. She hasappeare--without her wings--on national talk shows including Oprah, The View, Charlie Rose, GoodMorning America, and Larry King Live. For more information visitwww.thelovegoddess.com or www.dalmaheyn.net. Permission granted foruse onDrLaura.com

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The Future of Parenting
Five Key Trends in the Future of Parenting
By Caron B. Goode
www.acpi.com

The future is uncertain. So is the future of parenting. The aftermath of disasters such as 9/11 and Hurricane Katrina has cast a shadow of doubt over our lives. This pervasive sense of insecurity and vulnerability has prompted many people to reevaluate and reclaim what is most important to them#151;their families. We instinctively reach out to our families for comfort. But is it possible to give that feeling roots? Is it possible for parents to give their children a sense of strength, security, and faith in the future?

According to Caron B. Goode, director of the Academy for Coaching Parents International, it is not only possible, it is imperative.

Five Key Trends in the Future of Parenting

• Family First. Although statistics indicate a 10% increase in the number of stay at home parents, the majority of children today are raised in families where both parents work. While economic pressures make this situation hard to escape, parents have begun to give voice to their desire to put family first. According to a 2004 study by the Families and Work Institute, parents are starting to say no to overtime and yes to family time. In fact, a recent survey found that among working fathers between the ages of 22-37, 52% have no interest in taking on more job responsibility, as compared to 68% in 1992.
  
  
• Fostering Resiliency. While parents may have never considered fostering resiliency in their children before, they do now. Resiliency is the ability to navigate stressors, major or minor, and then return to the business of living. Studies have shown that children who have close, supportive families and caregivers are more apt to deal with stress or trauma in a positive manner than those who do not. Having supportive, sensitive, and responsible parents helps ensure that children are equipped to handle life's stressors, now and in the future.
  
  
• Raising Compassionate Children. More and more, parents are concerning themselves with raising compassionate children. As borders blur and the global community expands, parents feel it is important for their children to be understanding, empathic, and willing to help a neighbor in need. To be compassionate, one must first be capable of identifying with another, which is best taught by example. Parents who treat their children with kindness and respect, will see those same children treating others in kind. By nature, children are caring and compassionate creatures, but it is up to parents to nurture their altruistic behavior.
  
  
• Finding Faith. Increasingly, parents are becoming interested in helping their children develop a spiritual base. A growing number of parents are turning to spirituality, whether it is religious, iconic or mystic in nature, to help them navigate rough terrain and master the uncertainty that inevitably visits every life. Teaching children to believe in something greater than oneself fosters a sense of community and reinforces the tenets of tolerance on many levels. The very nature of spirituality shows children that no one person is more important than another. It illustrates that we are, in fact, all part of a greater whole, and that this whole can be a powerful source of strength and a vital instrument for change.
  
  
• Reducing Stress. Today many adults and children suffer with chronic stress which has been linked to a number of physical conditions such as depression, heart disease, and diabetes. In addition to the adverse health consequences, overexposure to stress may, in part, inhibit the development of healthy resilience. Scientists believe that our ability to manage stress is formed in childhood through a combination of genes and experience. Everyone must learn to deal with stress, and to a degree stress is necessary to a healthy, productive life. This generation of families is aware of this fact, but they are also starting to say enough is enough. Mothers and fathers are beginning to recognize that they can't nor do they want to do it all. Parents are spending less time on the things they feel they must do, and making room for the things they want to do, like spend time with their family. They are starting to insist that their children assume responsibility within the family, which in turn is helping their children learn how to manage time, become part of a whole, and develop a strong sense of community. They are also starting to replace the propensity to over schedule their children and acknowledging that kids need time to be kids. This shift in attitude is leading to a less stressful existence, and is putting the emphasis back on the family functioning as a unit.

Dr. Caron Goode is a parenting expert and the director of the Academy of Parent Coaching International. The Academy offers a parent coaching certification program for individuals interested in helping families nurture and grow their children. For more information, visit www.acpi.biz Receive a free online parenting magazine, visit www.InspiredParenting.net. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.

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Tax Time Identity TheftPrevention Tips
By John Sileo
www.ThinkLikeaSpy.com


This past week, I have beenhelping a gentleman recover from the theft of all of his taxrecords. Before it is all over, this gentleman will have spendhundreds of hours and thousands of dollars simply preventing anyfurther fraudulent use of his identity. That doesn't account for anydamages already done to his finances, criminal record, medical recordsor social security benefits. There is very little that is more damagingand dangerous to your identity than losing your tax records.

After all, tax records generally contain the most sensitive personallyidentifying information that you own, including Social Security Numbers(for you, your spouse and maybe even your kids), names, addresses,employers, net worth, etc. Because of this high concentration ofsensitive data, tax time is like an all-you-can-eat buffet for identitythieves. Here are some of the dishes on which they greedily feed:

• Tax documents exposed onyour desk (home and work)
• Private information thatsits unprotected in your tax-preparer's office
• Improperly mailed, emailedand digitally transmitted or filed records
• Photocopiers with harddrives that store a digital copy of your tax forms
• Copies of sensitivedocuments that get thrown out without being shredded
• Improperly stored and lockeddocuments once your return is filed
• Tax-time scams that takeadvantage of our propensity to do whatever the IRS says (even if it'snot really the IRS asking)

TopTips for Tax Time Identity Theft Protection: Safe Preparation.Your greatest risk of identity theft during tax season comes from yourtax preparer (if you use one) either because they are dishonest (lesslikely) or because they are careless with your sensitive documents(more likely). Just walk into a tax-preparers office on April 1 and askyourself how easy it would be to walk off with a few client folderscontaining mounds of profitable identity. The devil is in thedisorganization.

Effective Solutions:

• Choose your preparer wisely.How well do you know the person and company preparing your taxes? Didthey come personally recommended, or could they be earning cash on theside by selling your personal information. Do they have an establishedrecord and are they recommended by the Better Business Bureau?
• Interview your preparerbefore you turn over sensitive information. Ask them exactly how theyprotect your privacy (do they have a privacy policy?). Are they meetingwith you in a room full of client files, or do they take you to aneutral, data-free, conference room or office? Do they leave files outon their desk for the cleaning service to access at night, or do theylock your documents in a filing cabinet or behind a secure office door?Do they protect their computers with everything listed in the nextsection?
• Asking professional taxpreparers these questions sends them a message that you are watching!Identity thieves tend to stay away from people they know are activelymonitoring for fraud. Remember, losing your identity inside of theiraccounting or bookkeeping business poses a tremendous legal liabilityto their livelihood.

SecureComputers. Last year, more than 80 million Americans filed theirtax returns electronically. To prevent electronic identity theft, youmust take the necessary steps to protect your computer, network andwireless connection. Additionally, your tax preparer should be workingonly on a secured computer, network and internet connection. Hire aprofessional to implement the following security measures:

• Strong alpha-numericpasswords that keep strangers out of your system
• Anti-virus and anti-spywaresoftware configured with automatic updates
• Encrypted hard drives orfolders (especially for your tax preparer)
• Automatic operating systemupdates and security patches
• An encrypted wirelessnetwork protection
• A firewall between yourcomputer and the internet
• Remove all file-sharingprograms from your computer (limewire, napster, etc.)

Private information should betransmitted by phone using your cell or land line (don't use cordlessphones). In addition, never email your private information to anyoneunless you are totally confident that you are using encrypted email.This is a rarity, so don't assume you have it. In a pinch, you canemail password protected PDF documents, though these are relativelyeasy to hack. Stop Falling for IRSScams. We have a heightened response mechanism during taxseason; we don't want to raise any red flags with the IRS, so we tendto give our personal information without much thought. We are primed tobe socially engineered. Here's how to combat the problem:

• Make your default answer,"No". When someone asks for your Social Security Number or otheridentifying information, refuse until you are completely comfortablethat they are legitimate. Verify their credentials by calling them backon a published number for the IRS.
• If someone promises you (byphone, fax, mail, or in person) to drastically reduce your tax bill orspeed up your tax return, don't believe them until you have done yourhomework (call the IRS directly if you have to). These schemes flourishwhen the government issues economic stimulus checks and IRS refunds.
• If anyone asks you forinformation in order to send you your check, they are scamming for youridentity. The IRS already knows where you live (and where to send yourrebate)! By the way, the IRS will NEVER email you for any reason (e.g.,promising a refund, requesting information, threatening you).
• To learn more about IRSscams, visit the only legitimate IRS website, which is www.irs.gov. Ifyou are hit by an IRS scam, contact the IRS's Taxpayer Advocate Serviceat www.irs.gov/advocate.

MailSafely. A good deal of identity theft takes place while taxdocuments or supporting material are being sent through the mail. Ifyou are sending your tax return through the mail, follow these steps:

• Walk the envelope inside ofthe post office and hand it to an employee. Too much mail is stolen outof the blue USPS mailboxes and driveway mailboxes that we use foreverything else to make them safe.
• Send your return bycertified mail so that you know it has arrived safely. This sends amessage to each mail carrier that they had better provide extraprotection to the document they are carrying.
• Consider filingelectronically so that you take mail out of the equation. Make surethat you have a well-protected computer (discussed above).

Shredand Store Safely. Any copies of tax documents that you no longerneed can be shredded using a confetti shredder. Store all tax records,documents and related materials in a secure fire safe. I recommendspending the extra money to have your safe bolted into your home sothat a thief can't walk away with your entire identity portfolio. Makesure that your tax provider appropriately destroys and locks up anylingering pieces of your identity as well. Tax returns provide more ofyour private information in a single place than almost any otherdocument in our lives. Don't waste your tax refund recovering from thiscrime.

About the author: John Sileobecame America's leading Identity Theft Speaker amp;Expert after he lost his business and more than $300,000 toidentity theft and data breach. His clients include the Department ofDefense, Pfizer and the FDIC. To further bulletproof yourself and yourbusiness, visit John's blog at Sileo.com. To book John atyour next event, visit www.ThinkLikeaSpy.com. Permissiongranted foruse onDrLaura.com

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Relationship Red Flags
5 Tips for Identifying Your Negotiables and Non-Negotiables
By Sharon Rivkin
www.sharonrivkin.com


You're in a new relationship, and you're starting to see some redflags, warning you that the relationship may not be a good bet, butdoes that mean you should leave? How many red flags does it take tomake that decision? How do you know if the red flags mean futuredisaster, or are just a warning?

These are tough questions to answer. But if you've identified your redflags, you can begin to get clear about staying or leaving by lookingat your negotiables and non-negotiables. These are the patterns ofbehavior in the relationship that either you can deal with (negotiable)or you can't (non-negotiable). A negotiable item does not go againstyour integrity, but a non-negotiable does. For example, if you valuehonesty in your relationships, and your partner is continually lying toyou, that is a non-negotiable. How could you really have a healthyrelationship with someone whose very behavior goes against the essenceof who you are? If you compromise on this behavior by deciding thatsometimes lying is okay, you are cutting into the deepest part of yourpsyche. Non-negotiables are those issues that you will not compromiseon because it goes deeply against your values.

Negotiables are not deal breakers and are those issues that don't cutas deeply. For instance, maybe your partner is messy and you valueneatness. However, messiness doesn't cut into your integrity andalthough it may never change, you could live with it and not feel asthough you've compromised your very essence.

It is important to know your negotiables and non-negotiables. That way,you can decipher which of these two categories the red flags fall into.If in your current relationship most of the red flags arenon-negotiables, it will be nearly impossible to have a lovingrelationship for more than two or three months. Our integrity can onlybe compromised for a short period of time#151;the honeymoon phase#151;before weget angry and resentful of our partner. If your negotiables outweighyour non-negotiables, it makes sense to continue the relationship.

Use these five tips to help you identify your negotiables andnon-negotiables:

1. Make a list of issues youknow you can compromise on that your partner is displaying. "She's lateall the time, but I can live with that."
2. Make a list of issues thatyou know you can't compromise on. "He says he's going to call me andeither doesn't or calls much later than planned. He always has anexcuse, and I want someone who keeps his word 99% of the time. I can'tsee living with this much inconsistency."
3. Make a list of issues youwould compromise on within yourself for another person. "I know I'mmessy, so I'd either get an organizer to help me with this or bewilling to hire a housekeeper."
4. Make a list of issues youcould not and would not compromise on. "I am an independent woman, andcould not be with a partner who wanted me to give up my work or myfriends for him."
5. If you're not sure whichcategory your red flags falls under, ask yourself this question: If this behavior never changed, could Ilive with it? You have to assume it may never change and thatalone should help you determine if it's a negotiable or non-negotiable.

If you know your non-negotiables,theres still the issue of infatuation/love/passion/fantasy that cloudsour judgment and overrides our good senses. Sometimes we ignore thesigns of disaster and plunge forward anyway. That's just called beinghuman, so don't beat yourself up if this happens. Nevertheless, knowingyour negotiables and non-negotiables is important because when thefantasy dies down and you're wondering what happened, you can look atyour list as a reminder. This will help you pull back, reevaluate, andhave a clearer sense of what to do. The negotiables and non-negotiablesare exactly the framework and boundaries needed when trying to decideto stay or leave. It doesn't matter how long you've been involved, thenegotiables and non-negotiables are always there to remind us of who weare, what we want, and what we don't want.

Relationship and Conflict Resolution Expert, Sharon M. Rivkin, M.A., M.F.T.,author of The First Argument: Cuttingto the Root of Intimate Conflict, helps hundreds of couplesbreak the argument cycle with her proven, groundbreaking technique thatresolves the most painful issues, stops repetitive conflict, savesrelationships, and puts the love back in your marriage. Sharonhas been featured in O: The Oprah Magazine, Reader's Digest, and majorwebsites such as YahooPersonals, DrLaura.com, Hitchedmag.com,SheKnow.com, and many others. Visit Sharon at www.sharonrivkin.com. Permission granted for use onDrLaura.com.

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Your iPhone 4: Is itSafe?
By John Sileo
www.Sileo.com

While the new features keep the iPhone at the forefront of technology,they also cause some privacy concerns.

One concern that carries over from previous iPhone models is the Always-on iPhone Apps that trackyour every move through the GPS navigation system. Back in April, Applebegan allowing location-tracking applications to run in thebackground. So, for example, companies like FourSquare, Yelp, andFacebook can continuously track your location, providing automaticnotifications to your friends when you are less than 1/2 mileaway from them, if you allow them.

For example, I just had a highly confidential client meeting at theclient's corporate headquarters. To the uninitiated, that meansthat the company I was visiting is probably having data theft issues(and has brought me in to help). If the media finds out that they arehaving these issues before the company has had a chance to start thedamage control process, their stock will drop far faster than if theyhave prepared for the news to go public. If Facebook or FourSquare isbroadcasting my whereabouts, my followers already know which company ishaving the problem, their competitors know it (if they are following myGPS broadcasts), and the media sits and waits for me to enter thebuilding. Luckily, I'm not well-know enough for anyone to care, butjust in case, I don't broadcast my whereabouts. Other, far moreinfluential people, do so without thinking twice about it. Which goesto show you that there are ways to utilize all of the cool newtechnology without letting it control you. With the right knowledge,you can take control of how your information is utilized.

Apple does realize the privacy concerns with location tracking andgives users a way to control how much information is shared. Whenyou open an app, the top bar will show a little arrow in the right-handcorner, indicating location awareness (pictured to the right). Therewill also be a dashboard where you can toggle location-trackingpermissions on and off for different apps. Regardless, this means thatmore companies will have access you your location than before. Ihaven't spent a lot of time thinking through the negative implicationsof location tracking, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't be aware thatit is going on in the background so that we can make decisions from aposition of power.

High-definition video is a second tool that will be used by data spies.What could be easier than for an identity thief to pretend they are onthe phone as they are actually filming you typing in your ATM PIN infront of them? Why does iPhone 4 change the game? Because Hi-definitionmeans that they can stand further away and still get high quality videowith which to read your data. A simple sweep of an office desk, aclient file, etc. with high definition video gives me all of thedocuments I need to learn more about your company. Think of it as a spycamera that provides thousands of pictures a minute and is hidden asthe most ubiquitous device on the planet - a cell phone. Powerful toolboth for good and bad.

About the author: Tofurther bulletproof yourself and your business, visit John's blog at www.Sileo.com. Tobook John at your next event, visit www.ThinkLikeaSpy.com.John Sileo became America's leading Identity Theft Speaker amp; Expertafter he lost his business and more than $300,000 to identity theft anddata breach. His clients include the Department of Defense, Pfizer andthe FDIC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.





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Simple Avocado MangoSalad
By Cheryl Tallman
www.FreshBaby.com

Ingredients:

Salad:
1 avocado, cubed
1/2 mango, cubed
1 graham cracker, crushed

Honey-Lime Dressing:
2 Tbsp lime juice
1 Tbsp rice vinegar
1Tbsp Honey
1/4 cup olive oil

Directions:
Prepare dressing: In small bowl, whisk all ingredients together.
Salad: Arrange avocado and mango cubes on a plate or bowl. Drizzle withdressing. Sprinkle with graham cracker crumbs. Serve.
Cheryl Tallman is the co-founder of Fresh Baby, creators of theaward-winning So Easy Baby Food Kit, and author of the So Easy Baby Food Basics: Homemade BabyFood in Less Than 30 Minutes Per Week and So Easy Toddler Food: Survival Tips andSimple Recipes for the Toddler Years. Visit Cheryl online at www.FreshBaby.com for more delicious tips. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.





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The Punch That Parents Don't See
By Vaughn Alaine-Marshall

The job of nurturing an impressionable mind has always been a challenge. The once gradual ascent into adulthood is now a sharp rise. Every single day parents in America are confronted with the task of monitoring their child's influences. New technologies, social crazes and information portals emerge on a monthly basis, making the job of policing what goes into a child's brain all the more difficult.

The attempt of previous generations to counter this quandary reflects our modern standard of censorship. School reading lists now have an emphasis on classical works. Films now warn of offensive content. Music controls its controversial artists with corporate strings. The Internet, the latest parental predicament, is vast but awareness of its power is leading to its restraint. Individual standards of decency dictate what is suitable for viewing in different households, however like any old boxer will warn you, 'it's the punch you don't see that knocks you out...'

More money is being spent on television production than any other time in the industry's history. Television's fiscal resurgence is on the back of reality programming. Reality-TV shows, especially those of the talent show format, are gaining legitimacy and fulfilling the need for more family-oriented programming. For a parent, this is the punch you don't see.

Recognize the Punch

• Every year the airways carry another slew of reality drama packaged for families. The highest-rating and most profitable show in the genre, American Idol, has built its franchise upon young adults chasing their dreams.
  
  
• American Idol thrives because of its feel-good music moments and viewer participation. From the outside, American Idol is wholesome entertainment. The reality of this reality-TV show though is not so benign.
  
  
• American Idol and it spin-offs intentionally project cruelty under the guise that it is part-and-parcel of the entertainment industry. American Idol reproduces the dynamics of bullying children deal with in schoolyards across the country every day.
  
  
• By making it family entertainment only legitimizes this behaviour.
  
  
• Children who have been victimized are much more likely to be depressed, anxious, withdrawn and distrustful, even in adulthood, and more likely to miss class and underperform in school.
  
  
• The impact of America's most watched television show has been linked to the growing incidences of cyber-bullying.
  
  
• In 2008, researchers at Yale School of Medicine found signs of an apparent connection between bullying, being bullied and suicide in children.

Reality shows are not only shaping how impressionable minds interact in the schoolyard, but what is perceived as reality. Unlike scripted television shows, there is no suspension of disbelief. American Idol and its affiliates claim to make superstars out of ordinary people; however the reality is far from this. Confidentiality agreements suppress the hundreds of contestant horror stories resulting from reality-show experiences.

Mental-health workers have discovered that people who compete on these shows suffer severe and often long-lasting psychological trauma as a result. American Idol is no different to any other television show produced in America except that it works on a fundamentally different premise - that it is real. The winner is chosen before a single second of the show goes to air. Impressionable minds take American Idol on face value.

The punch that parents don't see is not drugs, sex or violence - it's the subtle impressions. Parents cannot control every stimulus - only give their children perspective to make balanced judgements. Dreams are an expression of the soul's desire and shows like American Idol stimulate our hearts to achieve extraordinary feats. It's when their promises and methods are rooted in fiction the greatest damage is done.

Every day, parents all over America are giving their children wings hoping they achieve whatever it is they want. The punch we don't see is giving children hope when there is a dead-end and legitimizing a show that encourages meanness. Dreams do not materialize overnight, but they do come true. And they are a direct result of courage, perseverance and talent that parents nurture in developing people every day.

Vaughn Alaine-Marshall is the author of the ground-breaking reality-television novel Uuml;berstar. Born in Sydney, Australia, Vaughn is a chiropractor who put a career in private practice on hold after four-and-a-half days to co-found the international publishing firm Hendlin Books. Based in Hamburg, Germany, Vaughn is bringing the vision of his firm's two namesakes - Jimi Hendrix (HEND-) and Charlie Chaplin (-LIN) - into the publishing world. Vaughn's debut novel, Uuml;berstar, is a funny and explosive exploration of reality-television as told by insider sources from the world's biggest reality shows. For more information www.uberstarthebook.com.Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.

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A recent caller was concerned about being depressed or disinterested in her life/marriage. She had three young children and was tired all the time. More >>