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Philip Markoff, 23, the alleged Craigslist killer, has a loyal, faithful, supportive fianc'e.' The big question is....WHY?Authorities say he trolled Craigslist's erotic services section, where he met a 25 year old woman and lured her to a luxury hotel in Boston.' Supposedly, he meant only to steal money, but he also had a loaded gun, and allegedly shot her dead, presumably because she fought him.How's this for evidence:'1) the murdered woman's underwear was at his house2) the bullet that killed her came from our boy's gun, and if that isn't enough,3) his fingerprints were found on the wall of the hotel room where a stripper was tied up in an attempted robbery.What does his pathetic fianc'e do?' She proclaims her love and support and her complete disbelief that any of this is true, describing him as a loving and caring person.You've heard this story (including women who hunger to marry convicted murderers) way too often.' Why do women do this?Simple.' Question:' how humiliating is it to be associated with an evil person?' Answer:' Very!' So, if one takes the position that "I only know him as a good person," some of the humiliation is tempered.' After a little while, the healthiest of these women fade out of sight; the others make their identity "the fiancee OF (fill in the blank)."'Some women find glory in "standing by an evil man," because they believe it defines them as truly "good" to sacrifice and have such loyalty, faith, and belief.' Some women believe that their love can and will transform the man - that it will heal him, and then their own lives will have value, and he will be beholden to them, never leaving them and always loving them. Other women are frankly amoral, narcissistic, and/or sociopathic, and they identify with the perp.' That kinship keeps them connected. Still others want their 15 minutes of "reality show fame" and notice, and feel a most distorted sense of value from that exposure.All in all, this young woman's response ought to have been:' "I am shocked and horrified that I could not see that this man had two lives.' I am sorrowful for the woman who lost her life and her family and friends.' I regret the harm he's caused so many people.' This is going to take me a while to recover from, as I obviously had a brush with evil."Instead, her family quietly called the wedding hall and cancelled the reception, because Philip was probably not going to be available. More >>

Some actors talk about how and from where they get their "motivation" in the portrayal of some character.' Actors usually get the role and then search for the motivation behind the role.' I am the exact opposite.' I get motivated about something, and then go out and make it happen.For years, I have been striving to have women re-establish their sacred place in the universe by influencing them to value their womanhood, and not simply resign themselves to being worker bees or unattached sexual objects.' My latest book, In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms , is my contribution to that end, reminding women that 1) they are the spiritual center of the family, and 2) that their love' and attention cannot be replaced by hired help.' I've been working very hard to have mothers and wives value themselves in these roles and not feel "less," but instead, enjoy the esteemed pedestal once again.To "bring it home," so to speak, I decided to do an extravaganza of an event, called In Praise of Mom , to applaud and recognize the beauty and importance of mothers everywhere.' Why am I so emotional about this?' Simple.' I almost missed out on this most incredible miracle (and sometime pain in the neck) called motherhood.In the 1960s, I was seduced by the feminist anger that proclaimed that husbands and kids were in the way of getting power and respect.' We lost way too much because of the anger vented on men and mothering.' As many of you may know, I did not have the most mothering mommy possible, and that probably contributed to my negativity at the time.' But at age 35, I had an epiphany.' What I was missing from my life was being a wife and a mommy.I now know the glories and agonies of being a mommy, and I am grateful I didn't miss out on one minute of it.' I receive calls every day from women who are mothers of good kids, troubled kids, confusing kids, rambunctious kids, curious kids, risk-taking kids and more.' For a mom, the well-being of her child and family is number one .' It occurred to me that I should use the opportunity afforded by the release of my new book to celebrate Mother's Day in a new, fun, touching, memorable way.' As my son is in the military (as are many of yours), we won't be together on Mother's Day.' The next best thing is for all us mothers to get together and laugh and hug about our trials, tribulations, and exaltations of motherhood. In Praise of Mom will be a one-time only event on Tuesday, May 5 in a movie theater near you...and it will be beamed live by satellite to more than 400 theaters around the country.' Let's get all the moms in our lives together and applaud ourselves! To purchase tickets, click here . More >>

A caller with a seemingly simple question has been haunting my mind since Monday.' The caller was a stay-at-home mom with four children under the age of six.' I thought I was heroic chasing after one child who never napped.' I can't imagine four little tykes going in different directions, all with different personalities and needs.' Wow.After asking some sneaky questions, I discerned that she was - in two words - BURNED OUT.' It's difficult to get around the understandable embarrassment or shame that a mother has for even thinking that she wished she were on another planet away from the children for a while.' But this is a totally understandable and normal reaction to a lovely, but draining, situation.When a woman is at a job, she can take a number of bathroom breaks, coffee breaks, and a lunch break which may even include shopping (a great tension releaser!).' When taking care of a number of children whose needs are relentless and inconsistent, it's easy to see how one brain and heart can be overwhelmed if the kids don't nap - mine never did, and I remember feeling mentally exhausted.Mothers do, but shouldn't, feel guilt at not always being thrilled out of their ears to be taking care of their children.' My first argument is that there is no one with any career or activity who doesn't regularly feel the same way.' Human beings need breaks - changes of scenery and input - and activities that help let off steam and revive one's sense of joy in life.' That's why in my book, In Praise of Stay-At-Home Moms , I've written about the necessity of taking guilt-free breaks - and taking them before you break!First, to the husbands:' Make sure you command and demand that your beloved wife and mother of your progeny go out with her girlfriends, go have a one-hour bath with bubbles and wine, or go ride her bike with a bike club for a morning - something so that she can feel revived and relaxed.' Plan it for her if she's stubborn (the stubbornness usually comes from feeling guilty).' Tell her that a GOOD mother takes care of herself so that the "giving" flows more readily.Second, to you mothers:' Grandma is useful for a break while you do nothing or something that relaxes you.' I told this caller to get one of those carriers that attaches to a bicycle, and get a child bike seat affixed behind her bike seat - that takes care of three kids right there, and one is in kindergarten.' Take 'em all on a bike ride to picnic or relax in a park - that's only one of the things I did with my child.' Turn on an exercise video and dance along with the music to get a workout - the kids will join in, or play next to you with their toys.'My message is:' no guilt.' Any profession has tools that must be taken care of to keep working properly:' a computer, a saw and hammer...whatever.' For us mothers, the tool is ourselves.' So, no guilt.' Take it as a responsibility to keep yourself loose and refreshed.My final message is that being home with your children opens up many opportunities if you think out of the perimeter of your property.' It isn't supposed to be a "work farm."' It's supposed to be a joyous home.' Oh, and here's why that caller stuck in my mind:' I heard a depth of sadness in her voice that seriously worried me, and I realized that many of you moms try so hard that you forget to take care of yourselves.' In doing so, you lose contact with your mission in the first place.' When that happens, your children miss you.So, ladies, turn on that music and dance and sing around the house and enjoy! More >>

When my now 6'3" son was a little guy, housework was secondary in priority to interacting with him.' One of my most wonderful memories is of taking him on a walk (and pulling him in his Radio Flyer-like wagon) to the huge parking lot of the local Target.' I would put him in one of the shopping carts, and run like mad, twisting and turning and twirling the cart until he whooped with delight.' This would go on for the better part of an hour.' Thinking back, I got a good aerobic exercise workout, and he got a Disneyland-like ride.' At the time, though, it was just about having fun together.One of the constant complaints I get (especially from at-home moms), is about the drudgery of housework, particularly about how it is never-ending and repetitive.' Frankly, I liked knowing the parameters involved with housework:' bathrooms, kitchen, and washing and folding laundry.' Folding laundry was my meditative exercise.' I found it quite relaxing.Attitude is the essential issue in dealing with anything in life.' I had a recent caller to my radio program who was still working through her rotten childhood by yelling and being physical with her kids...but in a bad way.' After a bit of a lecture from me on finally having fun in her life, and my giving her examples of getting kids to do things (like putting toys away or getting their pajamas on) with fun (complete with giggles and applause), she wrote me back and thanked me.' Then I received this email from another listener: I am in the middle of three loads of laundry (I have four boys ages 7,10, 12 and 14, so I have a lot of laundry), and wanted to thank you for being my "housework buddy."' You may not realize it, but you've been helping me with my housework for the last 3 months.' How?' I've always hated and avoided doing housework, because I never saw the value in it.' Instead, I took part-time jobs while the kids were in school and hired a housekeeper once a week.' While she put a dent in the mess, there was still a lot of housework left, and I asked my full-time working husband to help out on the weekend.' This meant that our weekends weren't much fun. After listening to you talk to a caller about what a great gift she was giving her family by keeping the house neat, I decided to devote the three hours you're on the air to housework.' I can now happily listen to you from any room in the house.' While I still don't enjoy housework, my family and I do enjoy having a clean, well-organized home.' And we have a lot more fun on the weekend.' So, thank you for being my "housework buddy" and keeping me company while I work! DebraSan Diego Everything we do is of value, even if it is the same thing every day (which, of course, it doesn't have to be).' Creativity in how we approach situations changes everything about how we feel and how much we appreciate life, love, and family.' So, whatever it is you have to do, find a way to make it fun. More >>

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When I brought our one child into the universe, I pushed hard for 12 hours, but he must have been holding on for dear life, because I ended up having a C-section.' I was a bit bummed that I couldn't just pop him out in 20 minutes like the 22 year old down the hall - humphff!They had to give me morphine so, of course, I was out like a light until morning.' The first minute my eyes were open, there was the nurse with my little miracle.' She reminded me that I had signed up for breastfeeding, and...well, here she was and he was hungry.In my sad little stupor, I mumbled "I haven't been able to do anything right yet...I don't know if I can do this." She said it was easy, and then showed me how to hold him.' The side of his cheek touched my breast, his eyes perked up (typical guy!), and he went right on, and all the pain of the night before just evaporated and I fell in love.' Imagine - my own body feeding my own child.' Seriously cool!All of this is not idle reminiscing on my part.' It is a lead-in to the story that there is a new Rhode Island law that allows a woman to breastfeed or bottle-feed her child in any place open to the public.' This new law permits a woman to allege a violation of her civil rights if she is prevented from breastfeeding in public.Now, breastfeeding is very important, not only for the mommy/child bond, but to pass on the mother's immune factors to the child for the first 6 months, saving everybody time, money, and discomfort with infants getting sick.' One might also suggest that it is the responsibility of the mommy to breastfeed for the health of her child, but there is more to the story.Dr. Laura Viehmann, a Breastfeeding Coordinator for the Rhode Island Chapter of the American Academy of Pediatrics said "Too often, mothers are asked to stop breastfeeding, to move to a private location, or to cover themselves up when they breastfeed at a playground, at the airport, in a restaurant, or in other public places." This is where the typical separation of rights vs. responsibilities occurs.' I breastfed my son whenever he was hungry, wherever I was...but I never imposed this lovely experience on strangers at another restaurant table, or passers-by in the mall, or a pew in a house of worship.' I would either go to a private place for the peaceful setting, or I would take a thin diaper and cover us both up...kind of like "tenting" us.'While at that time, my breast was a source of life fluids for my son, as modestly endowed as I am, the breast is still a source of sexual stimulation to half the population.' Perhaps women who breastfeed uncovered in public with men around should be charged with sexual harassment?' While I'm kidding, of course, I don't think my point is a minor one.People are always "crumbing" about their privacy, and' yet they're willing to show their underwear with pants that barely stay up, or skirts that barely stay down.' My point is that while breastfeeding is a sacred, wonderful, natural part of mothering, it deserves respect, and we hardly show respect for something by parading it in front of strangers.I was a breastfeeding woman, and I always showed respect for the situational expectations of others.' I also never brought our son to a fancy, adult restaurant when he was an unpredictably screaming baby.' To me, breastfeeding is a sacred bonding moment between mother and child - like the passionate act that brought that child into being is between husband and wife.' These sacred moments are private, and should be kept that way with a simple draped cloth.Exposing yourself in full view of potentially unwilling onlookers is less about bonding and feeding, and more about exhibitionism or disrespect for others, or an attitude that nobody else in the world matters - like that Sixties mantra of "if you don't like it, it's YOUR problem."' No matter how you look at it, special things are put on pedestals and treated as special. More >>

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I can't even guess how many times I've read about some so-called "mother" leaving her kids in cars to die in the heat, either because she "forgot" she had a child, or she was busy with partying, and then the sympathy goes to....the mother!The same thing applies to women and their abusive "significant others" (choke).' Recently, in North Carolina, a mother left her child in the care of a gang member.' She knew he was a gang member when she made him her boyfriend-of-the- month.' The self-declared Bloods gang member beat her 2-year-old son to death, with a combination of 41 blows, which ultimately burst his liver and caused his brain to bleed.According to the report in The News & Observer , the murderer will spend the rest of his life in jail, and there's no mention of the mother being held on any charges whatsoever:' not negligence, not child endangerment....nothing.When informing me of this story, one of my listeners wrote: "I am incensed that this woman was not fined or jailed as well.' I guess our society no longer expects moms to protect their innocent, helpless children.' No doubt, this is what the abortion mentality has done to us." I thought about her comment, and it holds water.' Mothers farm out their kids to daycare, nannies, and baby-sitters.' The "feminista" movement talks about women having power, yet treats women as helpless victims of sexual harassment when they get meaningless comments about their butts, and suggests that only men are responsible for domestic violence.Power and responsibility are two sides of the same coin....or should be.' To leave a child with a known, self-acknowledged gang member should be considered a criminal act, because it clearly puts a child in harm's way.'As a woman and as a mother, I am shocked. More >>

I'm turning my blog today over to Sharen Cervantes, a sophomore at Occidental College, with excerpts from an article she wrote for her campus newspaper: It's a testament to the changing times that single motherhood is no longer a lamentable predicament, but a choice, something pre-meditated and embarked upon with pleasure.' An even bigger testament to the nature of the 21st century is the fact that more and more of these unwed mothers do not fit the archetype of the uneducated, hapless teenager. According to a recent article in " The New York Times," the number of college-educated women choosing to have children out of wedlock has increased by a staggering 145% since 1980, with most of the women in this pool of mature age (i.e., in their 30s, 40s, and even 50s). Now, I support progress as much as the next person, and I'm especially supportive when it comes to women's progress.' Up until a short time ago, women were bound to the household and familial unit, unable to aspire toward anything beyond domestic and childcare obligations.... Single motherhood, however, doesn't strike me as progress.' While it may serve as testimony that the modern woman can single-handedly manage a household and act as a financial provider, it also denies the single-parent child something essential:' a father.' It's hard to explain what it means to have or, or why not having one is significant.' The impact of a father's absence ranges from the trivial...to the vital (forever wondering what a father could have brought to your life, for instance).' And there's just something about having a second parental figure in the house to forget or disregard a punishment when Mom is away.' Things aren't always this rosy, of course.' I'm enough of a cynic to realize that phenomena like divorce and negligent fathers make single motherhood almost more desirable than traditional husband/wife parenthood.' But shouldn't the dual-parent model still be a goal? I guess my biggest issue with single motherhood is its effect on a child's psychology.....The issue here is not ability.' The issue here is efficacy. What happens, for instance, when a single mother decides to play the inevitable dating game?' Does she introduce these men to her child?' It is even appropriate or conducive to an impressionable child to do so?' Not in my eyes.' It actually strikes me as rather selfish.' It is not in a child's best interest to witness a slew of men (or even a handful) come into and out of his or her mother's life.' It's even less permissible for a child to witness men coming into and out of his or her own life, especially when there's a strong chance of attachment on the child's part.....Attachment then leads to affection, affection leads to love, and love leads to a sense of hurt and loss if and when Mom and "Mr. Potential" end things. Is this fair?' No.' Does this promote a happy and healthy childhood experience?' No.' Is this type of situation inevitable and nearly universal?' Unfortunately, it is.' So, really, why the suddenly-escalating need to put children in this difficult position?' And what's wrong with a little tradition? Progress may be great, but so are old-fashioned values.' After all, isn't it especially critical that we uphold traditional ideals like daily family dinners and family game nights in today's high-tech, progress-driven world?' It seems to me that there are already too many conflicting interests to which the family must take a back seat, including work and financial anxiety.' The one point of stability in all this disunity and dysfunction is the mother/father/child dynamic.' So, I firmly believe that it should be maintained. More >>