Culture of Divorce: Family Relationships at Thanksgiving
By Brian Orchard
www.vision.org
Thanksgiving can be a joyous opportunity to cement family relationships. However, with 50% marriages ending in divorce in the United States, moral values are crumbling. For fractured families the holiday can be a lonely, unhappy time, and thankfulness may not come easily.
For the children it can also be confusing. Even if equal time can be spent with Mom and Dad, the fact remains that something has gone wrong with the foundation of their lives.
With the divorce rate so high,
Vision.org
examines the societal influences which cause divorce. Over the past hundred years or so, there have been changes in religion and ethical issues that influence marriage, personal development and family relationships.
Statistics tell us that first marriages today stand a 45 percent chance of breaking up and second marriages a 60 percent chance, but those numbers just confirm what we already knew: Divorce has increased not only in frequency but also in acceptance.
It isn#146;t that marriages were perfect in the 18th and 19th centuries, and that toward the end of the 20th century we somehow wandered off the straight and narrow. But regardless of what the institution used to represent, it is well documented that the traditional roles of men and women changed greatly with industrialization and urbanization in the 20th century.
The harmful effects of divorce on children were documented in the Bible almost 400 years before Christ. There, we are told that God opposes divorce. (Malachi 2:16.) Marriage is a covenant. It is not independent agreement: The wife is not an inferior but a companion in whom the husband should take delight. Marriage also assumes a sexual union, and this union is much more than just a physical experience; it is the union of mind and spirit.
Over the last 40 years an increased acceptance of divorce has produced profound changes in our attitudes about marriage and family. The roles of men and women not only changed with industrialization and urbanization in the 20th century, but also during World War II when women entered the workplace. The birth control pill gave women control over fertility; and wages earned brought greater decision-making ability in family relationships. These societal changes brought freedoms that previous generations did not have.
During the 1970s, the divorce rate doubled as attitudes on fidelity, chastity and commitment in the younger generation became very different from those of their parents. The change reduced the incentive to work out marital difficulties. In this society and culture more and more couples are willing to endure the pain of ending a marriage without concern for the consequences to their children#151;a fact that is reshaping society. At no time is the pain felt more keenly than when others are celebrating.
Those who suffer are the children, who identify not only with their mother and father as separate individuals, but also with the parents#146; relationship with each other. They carry the experience of this relationship into adulthood as they create a new family.
Unless premature death interferes, marriage embarked upon in youth is intended to remain into old age. The marriage covenant relationship is intended to produce children and to provide them with the physical and mental nurturing that young, developing minds require.
This is precisely the basis of the injunction recorded by the prophet Malachi against ancient Israel. Society at that time was destroying the security of future generations by dismantling the marriage relationship#151;just as ours is today. Divorce weakens the basic building blocks of our society and culture. Children of divorce may be affected to greater or lesser degrees, but they carry the impact of the broken family into adulthood and this will, in turn, affect the next generation.
Perhaps it#146;s not too late for us to rethink divorce and society#146;s moral values and how our family relationships affect our society culture for generations to come.
Vision Media
is a Web site that looks at the issues which affect our society and culture. The visitor is challenged to examine Family Relationships with fresh eyes as Thanksgiving approaches. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
