Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Welcome to our YouTube channel. This is from Justine:
"I am having a hard time forgiving my mother. Throughout most of my life she has been emotionally absent. In 2000, I lost both of my children during a hard divorce, and she was not emotionally supportive during that time.
Within the last few years, my mother has been trying to connect with me and have a better relationship. I am now 35 years of age and realize that it would be great to have a relationship but find it hard to forgive her for the many wrongs.
What actions can I take that will help me to become more loving towards my mother, who does not want to deal with the reason for my distance?"
Ooh! Everything is in this last sentence, so let me go through it - let me parse it (as the English teachers would say). "What actions can I take that will help me to become more loving towards my mother?" If no bond was formed...I mean, if you get a newborn baby, it's my responsibility to behave in a way that forms the bond. It's not the baby's responsibility, it's mine. And if I don't do my part, the baby's not going to bond and you can't create that out of whole cloth. Ok?
"Who does not want to deal with the reason for my distance?" Somebody who is not remorseful, not taking responsibility, not doing what they need to do to repair it and not doing what they need to make sure it doesn't get repeated has not earned forgiveness. Whatever your mom wants now is for herself. That she doesn't want to give you the gift of dealing with your hurt and her responsibility for it, means [holds out hand and arm in a side-slicing motion] she's only here for herself, not for you. Nothing's changed. I know you want a mommy. Sorry, you don't have one. Send me a Mother's Day card.
I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time, here on our YouTube channel.
