Just Say No....and Challenge Yourself
By Carrie Myers Smith
Saying no is tough! But it's a necessity if you're to become a woman inwellness. Recently, a friend and I were talking. Her son was playingbasketball (among other activities, including karate and snowboarding),our boys were not. She wanted to know how we did it.
"How do you do it? How do you say no?"
"Simple," I replied. "I open my mouth." Okay, so it's not really thatsimple. In a nutshell, you first need to desire a certain outcome. Inthis case, we didn't want to confine our entire winter-weekends and week to basketball. Secondly, you need to make a choice-either go withwhat you desire, or choose what you know in the end will not make youhappy. We chose to not do basketball. Our boys do soccer and baseball,and we thought that was plenty. Since we live in the Northeast, they didoutdoor activities instead-and didn't suffer because of missing out onbasketball. Finally, you need to act on your decision. That's whereactually saying no comes in.
If you live in a small town, you understand the pressure for your kidsto be involved in everything. And because everyone knows everyone, smalltown people really have a knack for slathering on the guilt when youdecline. But you need to decide what is best for you and your family,not what's in the town's best interest. In our case, it definitely paidoff. The parents whose kids played basketball complained all season longbecause of the crazy schedule. Weeknights and every weekend wereengulfed in basketball. Some games were more than two hours away. Andsome days, they had a game somewhere in the morning and another gamesomewhere else in the afternoon. Did I mention these werenine-year-olds?
Learning to say no is one of the first steps in becoming a woman inwellness and building the healthy life you and your family deserve. Now,go to a mirror and practice saying it: no, no, no. You can do it!
Challenge Yourself
Have you come to a point in your life where you feel good rather thanguilt for saying no? Obviously, there are times we have to say no tosomething we really wish we could say yes to. But so much of our livesis filled with fulfilling other people's expectations of us. How manyhours a week are you spending on fulfilling other people's expectations?How many hours a week are you at your home? How much time does yourfamily spend as down time-together?
I want you to do a littleexperiment. Keep a log for a week of your schedule. I don't just mean acalendar. I mean, really keep track of what everyone is doing. Tally upthe time each day that everyone is together. If you're single, keeptrack of how much time you're at home or doing something you reallyenjoy-work doesn't count! At the end of the week, figure out how muchtime you actually spent with someone else in your family. How much timeis everyone in the house at the same time? Sleeping doesn't count!
Nowsit down with your family and show them the results. Discuss whatactivities each person could consider cutting down on. I'm notadvocating quitting half-way through a sports season or otherresponsibility. But begin today to practice saying no. Stop and think ofthe implications it will have on yourself and your family if you take on"just one more thing."
One other thing I encourage you to do is considereach of your children's true gifts and talents. Are they being nurtured?In our Super Woman ways, we try desperately to create Super Offspring,often at the expense of nurturing their true gifts. There is so muchcompetition in today's world to have well-rounded kids. They know alittle bit about a lot of things, but each child has a special talent. Ichallenge you to sit down with each child and discuss this with him orher. Kids get stressed out, too, and they may be relieved to have yourblessing to cut down on some of their activities.
Carrie Myers Smith is a Wellness Coach, contributing editor for Energymagazine and founder and president of
www.womeninwellness.com
. Click
here
for a free 30 day trial toCarrie's Women in Wellness Life Coaching Program. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
