Parenting

Parents' New Year's Resolutions By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller In 2007, I resolve not to teach my children to have a happy productive life, but rather to help them choose a happy, productive day. I resolve to help my children appreciate that there is no such thing as failure, only temporary results that they can use as feedback to determine their next step. I resolve to fix problems rather than fix blame by maintaining a solution-seeking mindset and teaching my children a problem-solving process. I resolve to aid my children in their struggle with autonomy by creating a balance of power through a shared control style of parenting. I resolve to remember that I want children to behave in ways that reflect what THEY find unacceptable, not in ways that I, the parent, find unacceptable. I resolve to welcome interpersonal skill errors as learning experiences and as important opportunities to implement consequences. I resolve to parent in a way that demonstrates that I believe the only authority children take with them everywhere they go is their inner authority. I resolve to allow my responses to my children to reflect a knowing that some lapses in self-control are developmentally appropriate. I will remember that they behave in certain ways because they are five or eight or fourteen years old. I resolve to parent in a way that reflects my belief that the process is as important as the product. When I am stumped and don't know how to respond to one of my children, I promise to ask myself, "What would love do now?" I also intend to listen internally for an answer. I resolve to recall that I can choose to see any parenting situation differently from the way I have been seeing it. I will remember that perception is always a choice.I resolve to relax, while remembering that relaxing does not mean resigning. I resolve to make my approach to parenting reflect the notion that raising a child is more about drawing out what already exists in a youngster rather than about putting in to fill perceived deficiencies. I resolve to focus on the main purpose of parenting, the creation of who and what we really are as human beings. I resolve to remember that "being right" doesn't work. I resolve to parent as if I believe that a child's I AM (I am athletic, I am creative, etc.) is more important than his or her IQ. I resolve to live today as if attitudes were more easily caught than taught. I resolve to help my children and myself stay conscious of the choices we are making. I resolve to remember the adage, "If you want a behavior, you have to teach a behavior," and I resolve to put that adage into practice in my home. I resolve to see the hurting child in the child that hurts others. I resolve to "be" the change I wish to see in my family. I resolve to talk less and listen more. I resolve to remember that experience can be messy. I will allow my children to learn from the messes they make and the cleanup that follows. I resolve to hold my children accountable for their actions and choices with gentleness and love. I will implement consequences consistently and allow my children to experience the related, respectful, reality-based consequences that flow directly from their actions. I resolve to make myself dispensable and assist my children in becoming increasingly in charge of themselves and their own lives. I resolve to refrain from making my children wrong for their choices, even as I hold them accountable for their actions. I resolve to recognize that my children are in my life as much so I can learn from them as they are so they can learn from me. I will be open to the lessons my children offer me and honor them for helping me learn and grow. Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose . They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their websites today: www.chickmoorman.com or www.thomashaller.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.