Parenting

Remembering to Nurture The Nurturer Homebodies By Cheryl Gochnauer Cheryl@homebodies.org It's a good thing Carrie was born on a Sunday, or her daddy might havemissed the whole thing. The year Carrie arrived, Terry was workingfull-time, plus starting his own business on the side. He allowedhimself one day off a week. That's it. The other six days, he workedevery waking hour, and many of the ones when he should have beensleeping. Was he a workaholic because he was supporting his stay-at-home wife? Nope. I was working full-time, too. And because he was sleeping when Iwas working, we never saw each other. Literally. I take that back. We had a standing date for lunch on Wednesdays. Wemet at a little cafeacute; near my office, 1-2 p.m. Then he had to run. Two years of this ridiculous lifestyle brought us nothing but a failedbusiness and an almost failed marriage. Absence does not make the heartgrow fonder. Absence makes the heart grow resentful. Many couples who have had to deal with love on tight schedules know whatI'm talking about. A great relief settled on the Gochnauer householdonce Terry dropped the second job. And when I came home two yearslater, our marriage really started to grow. That's because we were finally able to spend lots of time together. Itdidn#146;t matter what shift Terry worked, because when he was off, I wasoff. We hear a lot about how having a stay-at-home mom benefits kids. I'mhere to tell you - having a stay-at-home wife benefits a husband, too. But what if we're working opposite shifts so our children are never indaycare? Be careful. Sometimes we get in trouble by focusing too much on thekids and not enough on Mom and Dad. It's crucial that we cultivate therelationship that's holding this family together, treating it with asmuch respect as the mother and child bond. Whatever schedule you and your husband are on, build in lots of qualityAND quantity time for the two of you alone. A peck on the cheek as thebaby is passed from one parent to the other isn't going to cut it. Each husband and wife needs to feel as loved as the children they'renurturing. Try to find the balance that will allow all members of yourfamily to blossom, as everyone receives the affection and attention theyneed. You might want to check out Cheryl#146;s latest book, #147;Stay-at-HomeHandbook: Advice on Parenting, Finances, Career, Surviving Each Day More#148; (InterVarsity Press, 2002) from your local library. If you#146;drather have your own copy, visit www.homebodies.org/bookstore/orderSAHH.htm or write Cheryl@homebodies.org . You can also read her column on the Web by clicking here . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.