Teaching Your ChildrenValues Through Volunteerism
Erik A. Fisher, Ph.D., aka Dr. E#133;
www.ErikFisher.com
In today's society, so many of us feel that children are growing upwith unhealthy values and unproductive attitudes. Children and teensare sometimes viewed as self-centered, seldom thinking about others intheir family or community. While there are many factors that contributeto their behaviors and beliefs, there may be ways to guide and affecttheir belief systems and develop a closer relationship in the process.
Often children develop a self-centered view toward the world eitherthrough observation and/or lack of exposure to helping to others. Asparents and caretakers of children, have we ever really looked atourselves of being a source of unproductive, self-centered modeling. Inthe formative years of our children's lives, we are the most importantmodel to them, and whether we realize it or not they see and hearalmost everything we do.
Work, Work, Work
As we feel we have to scramble to make ends meet we may feel that timeto do anything else is compromised that much more.
Between the responsibilities at work and home, many parents feel thattime for themselves is almost non-existent. We may not want to look soclosely at ourselves, but have we asked ourselves how our children seeus spending our time when we are at home? They may see us at homeresting, watching television, cleaning, cooking, helping them withhomework, shopping, playing sports#133;We may believe that we sacrifice andvolunteer much of our time for our children by driving them to games,friends houses, movies; working our fingers to the bone to make surethat they have food, clothes, and a roof over their head#133; But we stillneed to recognize that all of these efforts also serve our own purposeat some level, and frankly our children often expect this of us. Ourchildren do not realize that we are volunteering our time to them manytimes.
When was the last time that we volunteered our time to people in need?Even more, when was the last time we, as a family, volunteered our timeto people in need? For many of us the answer to the first question maybe "a long time", and the answer to the second question may be "never".On the other hand, sometimes we feel that we ARE the people in need,and in some ways we may be; however, if all that we expect is to begiven to when we are in need, what are our children learning. They saythat if you give a man a fish he will eat for a day, but if you teachhim how to fish, he will eat for a lifetime. Giving back to others isteaching the man to fish. It creates a cycle of giving and receiving,and frankly, what got us into the mess we are in now was more takingthan giving and excessive entitlement that seemed to be taught from thetop down.
United We Stand
The family unit has the ability to be a very strong cohesive team, butthe members of the family have to learn to work as a team first.Volunteering, as a family, can teach many positive lessons. When wecontribute our time and effort, it helps us to feel better aboutourselves, teaches a stronger work ethic, contributes to learning aboutthe world around us, results in us meeting different people and formingdifferent relationships, and provides confidence-building experiencesin a variety of different job tasks.
If, as a parent, you feel that you work hard enough at what you do,then you have to be very careful of the message you are sending yourchild. If you spent only three hours on a Saturday morning once a monthwith your kids cleaning up a shelter or planting flowers, or commitpart of your day around Thanksgiving or Christmas to feed people at ashelter or church, it still sends a positive message that your childrenwill value the rest of their lives.
Sometimes we allow ourselves to find different barriers, obstacles, orexcuses that prevent us from feeling the richness of giving our timefreely to others. It doesn't matter how much or how little money yourfamily makes, the time of day that you can volunteer, where you live,if you can walk or talk#133; there are always ways to find time tovolunteer. If you find yourself finding reasons to not volunteer yourtime, then pay attention to the messages your children might bereceiving.
Parents are often looking for ways to spend quality time with theirchildren. Giving our time freely to others, as a family can be one ofthe richest forms of quality time. Even more, volunteering is free. Ifyou are looking for ways to volunteer your time, contact some of thesesources: Animal Shelters, Churches, Homeless and Battered Women'sShelters,nbsp; After School programs, Meals on Wheels, Nursing Homes,Hospitals#133; In terms of thinking of what to do to volunteer, talk toyour children and ask them what they would like to do. They may havegreat ideas on unique ways to volunteer time. When you listen to yourchildren and include them on decisions, they feel more valued. Alwaysremember that our children are a gift to us and the time we spend withthem is priceless.
About the author: Erik Fisher, PhD, aka Dr. E#133;, is a licensedpsychologist andnbsp;author of two books whose work has been featuredon CNN, NBC, CBS, FOX and CNN. Visit him at
www.ErikFisher.com
. Permission granted for use onDrLaura.com.
