Why Are You Still At Home?
Responses for Stay-at-Home Parents of School-Age Kids
By Lucynda Koesters
So you're a stay-at-home parent of kids in school. It's back toschool time and you just know you're going to get those questions andcomments from people, some well-meaning and some not. You know: "What areyou going to do all day now that the kids are in school?" "Are you goingback to work?" "Can't you get a part-time job?" "Aren't you going to getbored?" "Don't you feel guilty not working?"
No matter how much you brace yourself for this onslaught, you stillcringe when the questions arrive. Part of it probably is a little guiltyou feel because you have no intention of returning to any work outside thehome. That's ok, because it is societal pressure that makes you feel thisway. Everyone is supposed to work at a job in this country. While we paylip service to the at-home parent of small children, it is somehow wrongfor a parent of school-age children to remain at home.
Responding to these inquiries in a pleasant and non-defensive frameof mind is very hard to do, but it is not impossible. What's required is afirm belief in your chosen way of life.
Why ARE you at home with children who are now back in school formost of the day? Why AREN'T you going back to work? What are thebenefits of being at home at this stage of family life?
Sorry, but to successfully handle the inquiries, you must be ableto answer these questions in your own mind. The first step is getting ridof the guilt and gaining a firm belief in yourself and your chosenlifestyle. To help you get started, reflect on these benefits of astay-home parent:
A stay-home parent is usually the last person children see and talk tobefore they leave and the first person to greet them when they arrive home.Children derive a great sense of security from knowing a parent isavailable to them immediately before and after school. Children have achance to get valuable words of encouragement in the morning and anopportunity to share their day in the afternoon. Children are also greatlysupported in the knowledge that mom or dad is at home and available duringthe day in case of a problem at school.
A stay-home parent can get household chores, cooking and errands doneduring the school day, thereby freeing up the valuable afternoon hours tohelp with homework and creating true family time in the evenings.
A stay-home parent often has the freedom and flexibility to volunteer atthe children's school during the school day. Seeing the parent'sinvolvement, children learn to value their education. The parent gets aninvaluable understanding of the inner workings of the school and how thechildren spend time there. Parents develop better relationships withteachers, school staff and other parents, increasing the children's senseof security.
A stay-home parent is often a less-stressed parent, fully available tosupport the needs of the family in the after-school hours. Having a calmand content parent to anchor the family is a great benefit to all members.
Now that you have reviewed a few reasons you are not going to work,what do you say to all these people who question your choices? Here are afew diplomatic and non-threatening responses:
I plan to remain at home to be available before and after school for thekids, and to volunteer at school during the day. Between housework,homework and school duties, I will keep very busy.
Our family really needs me to remain at home - it's worked out well sofar, and I plan to continue as long as possible.
The children like the fact that I'm home. They like coming home afterschool instead of going to the after-care program. It gives us time tocomplete homework before going to soccer practices.
During the day, there are a million things to get done at home; I'mreally very busy. But, I like to have afternoons and evenings free for thefamily, so I plan to stick to this schedule.
So, the next time you encounter some well-meaning, or maybe not sowell-meaning friend or relative firing off questions about your lifestyle,remain calm and pleasant and answer them with quiet conviction that yourlifestyle is best for you and your family.
Lucynda Koesters is a stay-home mom of two school-age kids and a free-lancewriter, concentrating on family issues. Write her at:
lkoestrs@venus.net
