Last Monday, I stayed up late to watch " Dance Your Ass Off ," a new reality series on Oxygen.' I've said many times (and I stand by it), I loathe even the concept of what has been called "reality TV."' I find it generally exploitive, humiliating, demeaning, mean, stupid and guilty of lowering the American consciousness to sub-basement levels.' People are embarrassed, made fun of, attacked, and dismissed with a cavalier attitude of so-called judges or peered out.' These shows make it to air, because they're cheap to produce and because there seems to be no end to the appetite of some of the American public to lick their lips when others are behaving badly or grossly, or when people are being "thrown to the lions."When I heard there was a new TV show in which overweight people would compete in dancing, I thought this would be seriously sickening.' What a scenario for making fun of people!' " Dance Your Ass Off " has some of the elements of the typically disgusting reality format:' judges who have "not too judicious" comments, and someone who gets thrown out after some weeks.' But there is much more to this show in particular (in spite of the spicy title).'The scores are not only for their dancing (they're trained and choreographed by a professional dancer), but for how much weight they lose .' They all have access to a nutritionist who guides them in cooking and food choices and portion sizes.' So at the end of the Olympics-like scoring from 1 to 10 for the quality of their dancing that week, the percentage of weight lost that week is added to their individual score.' Therefore, a person could have been graded poorly for their dance program, but if they lost 5% of their body weight, they potentially could win the whole night!I like that this is just not a typical exploitation of people small or too big.' It's a real challenge for these people to get fit, lose weight, practice dancing, and perform.' The most significant part of the entire program that I appreciated was that there was no competition between these folks.' They all support each other in losing weight and doing their best.' There are no mean manipulations in order to throw somebody off the island or forced fights just for entertainment's sake.' These people work hard, and become quite committed to being fit.It's funny.' I thought this would be an utterly disgusting display, and it turns out it's one which is quite benevolent and fun to watch.' Seeing these folks working very hard in spite of their extra weight and lack of fitness is admirable and not something to giggle about.' Most of the time, the contestants behave quite respectfully when the judges are not that complimentary (and I think the judges are often out of order making demands of non-dancers who are overweight).' Nonetheless, overall, this show is quite supportive of the right behaviors. More >>

More >>

I love "Law & Order" and "Cold Case" types of programs, because of the cleverness of the characters in discerning truth from lies (either from witnesses or clues at a crime scene).' I find it fascinating.' Detective Goren from "Law & Order: Criminal Intent" seems to know everything about just everything, which is a plot device that sometimes strains credulity, but, in general, I find the most interesting leaps to be that of a "gut feeling" or a "hunch" which is not easily explained by logic until after the fact.Some people are better at this than others - perhaps it's an inner talent that is unique, or maybe that individual just pays more attention to detail, or maybe it's just the willingness to listen to that still, soft voice that tells you something just isn't right.I find that many people who call my radio program with concerns about the behaviors of someone they're dating already "knew" on some level that something just wasn't right.' But they ignored or denied those feelings because they wanted the fantasy to be true.' Generally, these desired fantasies turn into disasters.One caller earlier this week met a guy online who immediately treated her like he was her fairy godmother.' "Zap" with his wand, and they were off to foreign lands for lunch and distant places for vacations.' She found out that he was still married, even though he had said he was divorced.' She called me all upset and sad.I told her that she had behaved like a slut (yeah, I said that), because he had money.' Certainly, she couldn't have believed that he loved her - he didn't even KNOW her! She was gullible and pretty and sexually available and that was what he was looking for.' He wasn't looking for the love of his life.' She, however, wanted the princess fairy tale, and she had it for two months.' Meanwhile, she had suspended her good sense about why a man would operate like this with no real knowledge of the woman.' Answer?' Knowledge of the woman was not of interest to him.' Showing off and having passionate sex with a very willing woman was what he really wanted.Instead of worrying about not being able to trust men, and sobbing with great hurt at being dumped, I suggested that she start behaving like the kind of woman a real man without a selfish agenda would value.' She didn't listen to that small voice, and ended up used and humiliated.'Don't deny what you know in your gut, even in the midst of what seems like the most unbelievable reality.' It is unbelievable, because it is not to be believed. More >>

Romantically, beauty may be in the eyes of the beholder, but according to a new report from research done in Helsinki and London, girls are getting prettier, and guys are...well... not getting more handsome. "Scientists have found that evolution is driving women to become ever more beautiful, while men remain as aesthetically unappealing as their caveman ancestors," reports The London Times .' Evidently, beautiful women have more children than their plainer counterparts, and a higher proportion of those children are females who tend to be attractive.' A researcher at the University of Helsinki found beautiful women had up to 16% more children than plain women.' An evolutionary psychologist at the London School of Economics proclaimed that good-looking parents were far more likely to conceive daughters.' The most attractive parents (out of 15,000 Americans who were "judged") were 26% less likely to have sons. "Physical attractiveness is a highly heritable trait, which disproportionately increases the reproductive success of daughters much more than of sons.' If more attractive parents have more daughters, and if physical attractiveness is heritable, it logically follows that women over many generations gradually become more physically attractive on average than men," the researcher said.Well, here's my take.' I don't really know if any of this holds water, but let's assume for a moment that it does.' This means that a lot of beautiful women are marrying plain men because they are less into "beauty" and more into other qualities (like loyalty, fidelity, ability to provide and protect, sexual prowess, and status), while men want women who are beautiful because their beauty is a source of status for the male and a measure of her overall health for child-bearing.Nonetheless, I was quite impressed with the beyond gorgeous hunk Tom Selleck, when I learned that he married a rather plain-looking woman, and quite put off with Bruce Willis, when he married some hottie almost half his age.' To me, these choices told me the character and maturity of each man, with Selleck winning out.All of these "soft science" reports are amusing, if not generally nonsense, and it is amazing how differently you feel about a person's good looks after you meet and interact with them as opposed to just viewing a two-dimensional photograph.My main point here is this:' it's a fact that we are first attracted or repelled by looks (no kidding).' However, I suggest you try MY experiment:' walk through a mall or a flower garden, and look at the people paired up and holding hands or talking softly to one another.'' It's rare that one or both is "beautiful," but it is not rare that they are happy with the depth of compassion, attention, affection, support, fun, and happiness that they obviously share.The moral to this story?' Have good hygiene, make the most of the physical qualities you have, and don't focus at all on your looks (or anyone else's for that matter).' Put your best behavioral foot forward, and be open to meeting friends and a possible life partner based, instead, on how you make each other feel. More >>

More >>

More >>

I got this email from a self-described former "bad" wife, and I'll let it speak for itself: Dear Dr. Laura: Some people are recovering alcoholics.' I am a recovering bad wife.' I don't know much about the 12 step programs, but from the little TV I watch, I recall that the first step is to recognize that you have a problem, so here I go: My name is S., and I am a bad wife.' My addiction is not alcohol.' My addiction is the "blame-it-all-on-the-husband" or "take-it-all-out-on-the-husband addiction. I know you've described all of my symptoms much better than I can and much more eloquently in "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands," and that you've also given me the solutions to become a better wife, but I think my first step needs to be acknowledging my problem. I acknowledge that I have too much on my plate, and that I cannot do it all well, and that my husband's needs and desires have been at the bottom of my priority list for a long time.' People will tell you I am a really nice person, always ready to help, and yet the one person I should be caring about the most (my husband), does not get the respect, the love, and the care that he deserves. As of today, I am no longer a bad wife.' I am a recovering bad wife, and I vow to be the girlfriend and wife my husband deserves. Thank you, Dr. Laura, for hammering good sense into my head. S. More >>

A now 17-year-old boy from Thousand Oaks, California recently sailed, by himself, some 28,000 miles in one year on a 36-foot sailboat.' Zac Sunderland was 16 when he left Marina del Rey harbor in June, 2008.The Associated Press writer was a bit snarky, I think, when writing: "But the shaggy-haired Thousand Oaks native might not hold the record of being the youngest person to sail around the world alone for long.' British sailor Mike Perham is a few months younger than Sunderland, and is sailing a bigger, faster boat." If I were Zac's mother, this would have annoyed me.' I'm not his mother, but it annoys me .' Assuming she or he wants to keep a scrapbook commemorating his sailing exploits, what a snarky thing to have included. "A few months...a bigger, faster boat." So what?Here is a 16 (now 17) year old kid who, instead of partying, abusing drugs, alcohol or hanging out with silly girls, instead of spending hours on Facebook, MySpace, Twitter or whatever, instead of hanging in his room sullen, instead of causing trouble at school, instead of driving too fast in the car he shouldn't have been given in the first place, instead of a lot of typical teenage boy activities, took on a challenge that was to test his ability to discipline himself, live austerely, deal with unpredictable weather and seas, survive loneliness and fear, and fix equipment failures when warranted.Shoving up his nose in print that someone else trying it is younger and has a better boat, shows, in my opinion, a complete ignorance of the difficulties and challenges he had to face.' It is remarkable for such a young person to brave all the elements of wind and sea to take an incredible journey on his own.' I am sure he now has a healthy respect for nature, life and himself.' I am sure he won't hesitate to face many other challenges on land.' I am sure he won't be abusing himself or substances to get a "rush."' I am sure he's a fine young man who should be an inspiration to other teens.' You are never too young to have a dream and go for it.I'm sure his mom is very proud.' She should be! More >>

I should have curly hair by now, especially considering the shenanigans and cruelty perpetrated on children by self-centered adults who have the title "parent."' Their behavior would curl anyone's hair.A 72-year-old woman realized that she "always wanted a child, but spent [her] younger years devoted to academics, achieving degrees in medical sciences and zoology.' I'd always had it in the back of my mind that when the time was right I'd like to have a child.' But my studies meant that children kept getting delayed.' The right time finally came in my early 50s, and since then, I've been attempting, and failing, with IVF [in-vitro fertilization]." This excuse for a prospective mother has never had a long term relationship (no time for that either), and therefore doesn't even have an ancient daddy to provide for the child.' As for her age?' Well, she figures anyone can die at any time (and she's a scientist?' She's supposed to understand actuarial tables).' She really believes she's going to last long enough in good enough health, or she says she'll "ask one of my younger friends to be a guardian." So, IF she conceives (and I sincerely hope her 20 years of fertility failure continue), she'll play with the kid and then just pass him or her off to some friend.' Great.Remember the Italian woman, then the oldest to give birth in 2006 at the age of 67?' She died recently.' You can count the age of her orphaned child on less than one hand.If this woman succeeds, she will have the title of the oldest mother in the world.' I would suggest that she will be the oldest female creature to give birth, as a real mother would never set up her own child for this selfish foolishness.' I wish this fertility doctor would have his license revoked.' The same should happen to the American doctor who impregnated the "Octomom."Freedoms without limits automatically encroach upon good sense, compassion, and someone else's well-being.' This is just another example of how insignificant the needs of children have become as compared to the impulsive, self-centered desires of adults who want children, but who don't necessarily want to be bothered by the needs of children. More >>

My recent comments about obesity as both a health issue and an overall economic issue generated quite a number of responses.' Some people wrote, detailing medical histories that made it impossible for them to get down to a normal weight.' While there are always exceptions, I wanted to share with you a seemingly "impossible" situation faced by a woman who weighed over 400 pounds.' She knew that losing weight was going to be very difficult, but she made the changes in her life that kept her on the path to good health, and she's a real inspiration to us all (I've not included her name, for reasons of privacy): Dear Dr. Laura: I am an obese person.' Two years ago, my sister asked me to have surgery.' I did not want to have it, because I was afraid of the risk.' I did not know how heavy I was, because my doctor's scale limit is 400 pounds.' I promised my sister I would change my behavior, but not go on a diet. I went to the doctor and got some information and a health exam.' Then I began to make plans on changing my behavior.' [In the past], I was not eating breakfast or lunch.' I was so hungry when I got home, I would eat easy fast food instead of taking the time to prepare food.' I would also binge late at night.' The doctor suggested I no longer skip meals. First change: I eat breakfast and lunch. Second change: Drink before eating.' I drink water, and, for flavor, sometimes Crystal Light.' I learned that when the body needs something, it is not specific.' It just says "I need," and "stomach feels empty." Third change: Choose better foods.' If heart tells brain "I need nutrients," and stomach tells brain "I am full of garbage," the brain sends the message "empty stomach." Fourth change: Thinking of food in a different way.' It's neither my entertainment nor my entitlement.' Better food will get me up the stairs at work.' At 200+ pounds overweight, life becomes stationary.' Nutrition can replace that. Fifth change: Reduce the amount of food.' The doctor suggested that I keep a log of my food and drink.' I wrote down everything for two weeks.' I was eating more than I thought.' Over time, I reduced my starch in half and then in half again.' Today...I do not plan food or write it down.' For me, I would be thinking of food too much.' I eat set breakfast and lunch meals.' Dinner is now something that can be made in 30 minutes. Sixth change: Move more.' Your nagging worked.' The doctor suggested low impact exercise over a long period of time.' No jack rabbit starts and stops.' I can't sustain walking out of water, so I walk 1 hour in water and backstroke 1 hour, six times a week.' I get stares.' I stare back.' I am not ashamed.' I have changed. There is no diet for me to break from.' The only thing left is to feel the frustration.' It renews my dedication to my life change.' The first two years, I lost 70 pounds.' It's the first time in 15 years I have not gained weight.' I have been exercising for a month. Thank you, Dr. Laura, for all your nagging.' I wish I would have started earlier.' The last two years made it possible.' It gave me a foundation of nutrition that sustains me while I move.' I now move more and eat less.' I can hardly wait until next year. Thanks again for the kick in the butt. More >>