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The good, the bad, and the ugly....That was the title of a Clint Eastwood spaghetti western (I loved all of them), but in this case, I'm referring to the Internet, but in the same way that I would refer to guns or electricity.' Do you think I've blown a mental fuse?' No.' Here's my outlook:Right now, the governments of China and Iran are working ceaselessly to block web access to its populace.' Why?' So information the government "does not want you to know about" won't get in, and the truth of what is going on inside these totalitarian regimes will not get out.Twitter, YouTube, Facebook and their ilk have revealed the atrocities against the people of Iran protesting the sham presidential elections.' Beatings and murders have been viewed around the world, as people have had the courage to use cell phones and such to take the governmentally prohibited pictures.This, obviously, is a case of calling the Internet GOOD.On the other hand, we have people in the United States of America (where communication is completely open, some say to an unfettered fault) using the Internet for pornography.This, obviously, is a case of calling the Internet BAD.Internet sites have been used to defame and harass people.' Internet sites are being used to "publish" speculation, opinion, and downright meanness as "fact."' Internet sites have been used to troll for victims in order to rob, rape, and murder.' Internet sites have been used to incite violence, threaten, and frighten.This, obviously, is a case of calling the Internet UGLY.Electricity and guns can be thought of in the same way:' you can get electrocuted by dropping a hair dryer in the tub when you're in it, or electricity can be used to run a ventilator and save lives.' Guns can be used in robberies and murders, or they can be used by the free to ward off tyranny and other assailants.Objects have no moral value - the way they are used is the issue - and that assessment is in the hands of the user.' We all have the ability to choose right from wrong.' Our choices, though, generally depend greatly on the human atmosphere around us.' For example, we are more likely to be able to do atrocious things if we're part of a group.' We wouldn't dream of doing them alone.' Yet, there are those who can perpetrate evil all on their own.We are more likely to choose good when we are surrounded by people supportive of "good," and judgmental of "bad."'' However, when the cultural atmosphere dissipates with respect to values and moral judgment, it's easy for an individual to operate out of the moment without regard to circumstances or their soul.'It takes a strong person to choose good for its own sake.' There is often little reward or regard given to them.' There was a time when a child, seeing a dollar fall from an elderly gentleman's pocket, would race to give it back to him.' He would then get his picture on the front page of the local paper - rewarding him for character.' Now, that same child would probably not even entertain the thought of returning the money.' What for?' Look around that child - parents cheat, politicians cheat, entertainers and sports stars cheat.' What's the motivation?The good, the bad, and the ugly - two out of three are on the wrong side.' You choose every day which side to be on.' Now, go do the right thing. More >>

One of my listeners sent me a story about "Why the American Flag is Folded 13 Times."' This is another one of those emails that get passed around via the Internet, so we checked out the accuracy of the story.' It turns out that it is NOT true that there was originally a specific meaning to each fold and that's why there are 13 folds.' The American flag isn't folded this way because each of the folds has a symbolic meaning; the procedure for folding the flag 13 times was in place long before there was an assigned "meaning" to each fold.' These associations have sprung up over the years, and they have come to mean something to those who participate in the flag folding ceremony, but they are not the reason why a flag is folded 13 times.Nonetheless, I found the "meanings" that have been attributed to each fold very moving, and I'm posting them here as something to contemplate as we display our flags for the Fourth of July: The first fold of our flag is a symbol of life. The second fold is a symbol of our belief in eternal life. The third fold is made in honor and remembrance of the veterans departing our ranks who gave a portion of their lives for the defense of our country to attain peace throughout the world. The fourth fold represents our weaker nature; for as American citizens trusting, it is to Him we turn in times of peace as well as in time of war for His divine guidance. The fifth fold is a tribute to our country, for in the words of Stephen Decatur, 'Our Country, in dealing with other countries may she always be right; but it is still our country, right or wrong.' The sixth fold is for where our hearts lie.' It is with our heart that we pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. The seventh fold is a tribute to our Armed Forces, for it is through the Armed Forces that we protect our country and our flag against all her enemies, whether they be found within or without the boundaries of our republic. The eighth fold is a tribute to the one who entered into the valley of the shadow of death, that we might see the light of day, and to honor mother, for whom it flies on Mother's Day. The ninth fold is a tribute to womanhood; for it has been through their faith, their love, loyalty and devotion that the character of the men and women who have made this country great has been molded. The tenth fold is a tribute to the father, for he, too, has given his sons and daughters for the defense of our country since they were first born. The eleventh fold, in the eyes of a Hebrew citizen represents the lower portion of the seal of King David and King Solomon, and glorifies in their eyes, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. The twelfth fold, the in the eyes of a Christian citizen, represents an emblem of eternity and glorifies, in their eyes, God the Father, the Son, and Holy Spirit. The thirteenth fold:' when the flag is completely folded, the stars are uppermost reminding us of our nation's motto:' 'In God We Trust.'' After the flag is completely folded and tucked in, it takes on the appearance of a cocked hat, ever reminding us of the soldiers who served under General George Washington, and the Sailors and Marines who served under Captain John Paul Jones, who were followed by their comrades and shipmates in the Armed Forces of the United States, preserving for us the rights, privileges and freedoms we enjoy today. The next time you see a flag ceremony honoring someone that has served our country, either in the Armed Forces or in our civilian services such as the police force or Fire Department, keep in mind all the important reasons behind each and every movement.' They have paid the ultimate sacrifice for all of us by honoring our flag and our country. More >>

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Either directly (e.g., sadness about not having a relationship with a parent or sibling) or indirectly (e.g., having trouble being intimate), more and more callers to my radio program report a sad sort of alienation from close, loving relationships. Yet the numbers of people deeply invested in "virtual" relationships via Internet "friending" social networks like Facebook, MySpace and Twitter, is growing exponentially. We are involved more in frivolous levels of intimacy and less invested in warm, caring, loving, involved relationships.The pseudo meaningfulness we imagine as we add our names and faces to someone's Internet site is addictive, yet ultimately vacuous. There isn't really anyone out there who cares enough to hold your hand when you are in pain. The Annenberg Center for the Digital Future at the University of California reported last week that 28% of Americans interviewed last year said they have been spending less time with family members. That's nearly triple from the numbers in 2006. In the old days when television was young, families watched together in one room. Now there are TVs in every room of the home, with 500 or more channels, and the family is dispersed, with each "doing their own thing." The Internet is a one-on-one, non-family experience also - breaking down the cohesiveness of family dynamics, parenting, sharing, and plain old caring. The problem is that people are, by nature, gregarious. That means we need company. When we spend our time with the technology that minimizes the intimacy of company, we forever alter the ability of individuals to actually experience pure intimacy in a positive, ultimately satisfying manner. And the experience of having lots of so-called "friends" on the Internet is beguiling, but empty -- -in effect, a distorted form of solitude. There is no wonder that so many people have a deep problem with being able to love - they mostly want to be satisfied by flattery, freedom from reciprocal responsibility and the reality of obligations and responsibilities, much less sacrifice for the general good or the benefit of another. Technological advances in "communication" have actually increased the number of people you can interact with, but have more importantly diluted out the meaningfulness of those same interactions.Think of families together at dinner, and a whole town helping rebuild your barn. Compare that to what you have now in your life. Which is better for quality of life? More >>

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This story is actually four years old, but many people seem to have discovered it only recently, so I did a little investigating, and thought it was worth sharing with you.' Because this has made its way around the Internet, like the game of "Telephone," new things have been added and some things have changed as it's been forwarded.' My staff went back to the original story to verify the facts, and that's the one I'm posting here.'Luke Air Force Base is a little west of Phoenix, and it's surrounded by residential developments.' People have complained about the noise from the base and its planes.' One day in June, 2005, an individual who lives somewhere near the base wrote the local paper complaining about the group of F-16s that disturbed his day.' Here's his Letter to the Editor of The Arizona Republic newspaper: "Question of the day for Luke Air Force Base:' Whom do we thank for the morning air show? Last Wednesday, at precisely 9:11AM, a tight formation of four F-16 jets made a low pass over Arrowhead Mall, continuing west over Bell Road at approximately 500 feet.' Imagine our good fortune! Do the Tom Cruise-wannabes feel we need this wake-up call, or were they trying to impress the cashiers at Mervyns' early-bird special? Any response would be appreciated. Tom MacRae" Mr. MacRae received a response from a commander at Luke Air Force Base which was published in the newspaper the following day, but it's the response from Lt. Col. Scott Pleus, commander of the 63rd Fighter Squadron at Luke Air Force Base that caught the attention of everyone.' This letter was also published in The Arizona Republic , four days after Mr. MacRae's initial complaint: "Regarding "A wake-up call from Luke's jets": On June 15, at precisely 9:12 a.m., a perfectly timed four-ship of F-16s from the 63rd Fighter Squadron at Luke Air Force Base flew over the grave of Capt. Jeremy Fresques. Capt. Fresques was an Air Force officer who was previously stationed at Luke Air Force Base and was killed in Iraq on May 30, Memorial Day. At 9 a.m., on June 15, his family and friends gathered at Sunland Memorial Park in Sun City to mourn the loss of a husband, son and friend. Based on the letter writer's recount of the flyby, and because of the jet noise, I'm sure you didn't hear the 21-gun salute, the playing of taps, or my words to the widow and parents of Capt. Fresques as I gave them their son's flag on behalf of the president of the United States and all those veterans and servicemen and women who understand the sacrifices they have endured. A four-ship flyby is a display of respect the Air Force pays to those who gave their lives in defense of freedom.' We are professional aviators and take our jobs seriously, and on June 15 what the letter writer witnessed was four officers lining up to pay their ultimate respects. The letter writer asks, 'Whom do we thank for the morning air show?' The 56th Fighter Wing will call for you, and forward your thanks to the widow and parents of Capt. Fresques, and thank them for you, for it was in their honor that my pilots flew the most honorable formation of their lives. Lt. Col. Scott PleusLuke Air Force Base" The postscript to all of this is that Mr. MacRae, to his credit, wrote an apology that was published in The Arizona'Republic on July 9: "Regarding 'Flyby honoring fallen comrade' I read with increasing embarrassment and humility the response to my unfortunate letter to The Republic concerning an Air Force flyby. I had no idea of the significance of the flyby, and would never have insulted such a fine and respectful display had I known. I have received many calls from the fine airmen who are serving or have served at Luke, and I have attempted to explain my side and apologized for any discomfort my letter has caused. This was simply an uninformed citizen complaining about noise. I have been made aware in both written and verbal communications of the four-ship flyby, and my heart goes out to each and every lost serviceman and woman in this war in which we are engaged. I have been called un-American by an unknown caller and I feel that I must address that.' I served in the U.S. Navy and am a Vietnam veteran.' I love my country and respect the jobs that the service organizations are doing. Please accept my heartfelt apologies. Tom MacRae" More >>

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It's funny what stays in your mind - one shot of light in the darkness of memory.' One of the more important "shot of light" memories is from my days in the Marriage/Family/Child Therapy program at the University of Southern California.' I was being supervised during my training and displaying lots of frustration over one particular client.' I couldn't figure out how to fix, or help the client fix, the problem for which the client came in to get help.My supervisor, a well-known and talented therapist said five words which reverberated in my head - the head of a "Type A," over-achiever mentality person that I was (or am).' He said, "Not everything can be fixed." I was shocked and horrified.' To even think that there were limits to what any human being could do, to think that there were no remedies for certain circumstances, to think that I couldn't "lay on hands" and make all better every person I tried to help - well, all of this was unthinkable.As I matured, however, I realized he was right.I had several calls in the past week that demonstrated that truth -- that not everything can be fixed -- so it shouldn't be broken in the first place!! It's why I do what I do on radio versus having a private practice.' You all get to hear what decisions, choices, behaviors, and actions put you in a (probably) unfixable place.There was the 21 year old woman who came on the program giggling about how she had listened to me since she was 2 years old.' Now, with two children out-of-wedlock with a guy who won't marry her because she hasn't taken down her Facebook profile after she promised she would, she wanted to know how to fix the relationship and get married.Since he didn't marry her before the children, since he didn't marry her after the first child, since he didn't marry her after the second child, he probably isn't going to marry her after the Facebook argument gave his dumping her some legitimacy.' I guess 19 years of listening to the program didn't do it for her.The second female caller was about the same age, again with two out-of-wedlock children, living at her boyfriend's parents' home.' She was shacking up with him, and wanted to know how to get him to move out so they could be on their own, after he said he didn't ever want to move out of his mother's home!The moral of these stories is that when you insist on making impulsive decisions and act only out of the moment, then you will, at some point, dig a hole that you won't be able to get out of.'By the way, I told the first woman to move in with her parents, so the children can have a father (in the form of Grandpa), and she was not to date until they were grown.' I told the second woman to give up her dreams and faulty plan, keep her mouth shut, and just live there, giving the impression of being happy, so the kids don't have to grow up with a negative mother until the kids are grown.Of course, women are not the only ones who need to hear this message.' A lot of men marry "damsels in distress," only to be stuck with... distressed damsels!! They hope to save them and fix them, but....some things can't be fixed.' I tell them to stay with a smile until the kids are grown.I don't accept any of the "...but what about my happiness?" rationalizations.' The answer is that children matter more than you, and you need to sacrifice and behave properly so that they have a better chance of making better choices in their lives.Some things can't be fixed, so don't do them in the first place.' Consider my radio program a huge emotional and behavioral prophylactic, and take the lessons learned from the pain of others and make the right - even if uncomfortable - choices. More >>