This piece of advice is from Kathleen's grandmother, who, at 69, has been married for 52 years : "A woman holds all the control in the family.' She is the center of the home.' When she is happy, everyone is lifted, and when she is not, she can drag everyone down with her.' Be generous with your affection, and let the little things go.' And most importantly, if you don't give your husband what he needs, he will look for it somewhere else." Sounds like she was practicing "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" long before I ever wrote the book! More >>

The way to my heart...is through my heart, and the family of Frank King did just that. "King, Frank L., 84, beloved husband, father, grandfather, and great-grandfather, died peacefully in his sleep at his home in North Tustin, California after a lengthy illness." Frank enlisted in the Marine Corps in 1943 and flew missions as a tail gunner, navigator, and radioman in World War II and Korea. For his service, he received numerous decorations and medals.' He had a "Marine" mindset his whole life, always following his credo: "What did we say we would do?' Then do it!"Charice and Ron King, the son and daughter-in-law of Mr. King, contacted us about Operation Family Fund because they knew their beloved father "would be pleased" to have donations made in lieu of flowers.'Mr. King is survived by a huge number of loving family and friends.' And now, because of this request, he is also survived by a huge number of families of fallen military.In just a few days, more than $2000 has been sent to Operation Family Fund (OFF) in Mr. King's respected name and memory.Operation Family Fund and all of us at The Dr. Laura Program are humbly grateful for this gracious thoughtfulness.I would like to offer my personal condolences to the family of friends of Mr. King, who was obviously a remarkable man. More >>

I got these two emails the other day, and they came in almost back to back.' And I'm sad to say that I "get" it.' You're going to be horrified.'Kristen wrote: "My best friend and I were in the car the other day and heard a radio advertisement for a new dating service' (more like a disservice). It isn't your typical dating site, no, no; this site is for those looking to commit adultery. Their slogan? 'When Monogamy Becomes Monotony.' The tab on my internet browser even labeled it 'Married Dating.' Apparently dating these days isn't just for single folks anymore.' The first thing that popped into my head was, 'Boy I wonder how long it will take for someone to call Dr. Laura to tell her how they found this site on their spouse's 'favorites' list.' What a shame! I am proud to say that because of your sound advice and my early commitment to 'The Proper Care & Feeding Of Husbands,' my soon-to-be husband, of this July, would never consider such a "dating service."' Keep up the GREAT work Dr. Laura.' If anyone can combat the irresponsible use of such a filthy site, it's you!" Well, I thought that was well taken.' But, you see, she read and has committed to' "The Proper Care & Feeding Of Husbands."Then this came in , from a guy whose name I won't give, but after reading this, you'll understand who's going to be calling the "When You're Married" dating site.' He said: I heard, on your show yesterday that this guy stood up to the plate, helped his wife when she was sick, and what she did to say thank you for her appreciation.' I thought I would do something nice for my wife as we have been more like roommates rather that husband and wife. So when she came home the other night, I had dinner started; I asked her how her day had gone.' I made dinner: pasta, home made sauce, a nice salad, a glass of wine.' When she was done I cleaned up and while she was watching TV, I filled the tub with lots of bubbles, and' lit candles all around the top. (It is a big tub and two can fit in very easily.)' I poured two glasses of wine, got her robe and said, 'Close your eyes and come with me.'' She followed me into the bathroom and saw what I had done and said,' Are you crazy?' Is this supposed to get me excited about being intimate with you? I don't know what you were thinking, but I am tired and I don't need this.'' Anyway,I am sure someone out there would have appreciated the gesture. I think this is why guys wake up and say, I have had enough."' And then they call dating sites, and crank up porn, and have affairs.'When I wrote "The Proper Care & Feeding Of Husbands," everybody wanted to know why I didn't have "The Proper Care & Feeding Of Wives."' And I said that women control everything in intimate relationships,' and that it was much easier for a woman to change a man's mood, than it was for a man to change a woman's mood.' For example: A man comes home after a very bad day.' His wife greets him at the door, in some scanty negligee, and says "Honey, lets go make mad, passionate love."' The guy goes brain dead about his day, and has a great night.'A woman, however, comes home after a bad day.' Guy meets her in the altogether, and says, "Baby, let's go make mad, passionate love." And she's going to sound just like this wife: "Are you crazy?' Is this supposed to make me excited about being intimate with you? I don't know what you were thinking, but I am tired and I don't need this."' That would be the more typical response, because we women don't give up our moods that quickly.' We embrace them, with talons sunk in deep.' So, yeah.' I know it sounds shocking, but I know why there are sites where you can get some action.' Because, wherever there isn't the proper care and feeding of husbands, there's somebody that's going to log into one of those sites.' A husband who sets up the night like this guy did, whose wife goes, "Ooh, honey"' is never going to log into any of those sites.' Because he's got everything: wife, mother of his children, lover, and best friend...' There's nothing left to look for. More >>

In response to my blog on the degeneration of interpersonal relationships through Facebook, MySpace, and the swell of gossip media outlets, I got this from Paul French: You are so correct.' My wife came across a great quote from Eleanor Roosevelt that I believe explains a lot of this:' 'Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.' Thanks, Paul! More >>

London's Daily Mail reports that a Cambridge University study has found that the more sex partners students have, the lower their grades.' The online study was published in the student magazine Varsity , and compiled results based on answers from more than 1,000 Cambridge University students.The study found that medical students were among those with the most sexual partners, and that mathematicians had the fewest partners.It's scary to think that the average physician's learning efforts dropped with his/her increased number of sexual partners.' I wonder if that will be one of the questions listed on the online physicians' assessments available for public view? More >>

Frankly, calling abortion (the termination of a life within a woman's uterus) "reproductive health," is a ridiculous - but effective - way of obfuscating the realities.' A January 18 report from the Associated Press (which excludes California because its government does not provide data) estimates that in 2005 there were 1.2 million abortions - down from a peak of 1.6 million abortions in 1990, but still happening in 20% of the cases where conception has occurred.Half of the 1.2 million U.S. women who have abortions each year are 25 and older, while only 17% are teenagers.' Since abortion became legal, there have been roughly 50 million abortions in the US, and more than one-third of adult women are estimated to have had at least one."Planned Un-Parenthood," as I call that group, is launching a major effort to elect so-called "pro-abortion rights" candidates to Congress and the White House in November.' According to the Wall Street Journal (January 22, 2008), they plan to spend $10 million to elect candidates who back its priorities.' We are just in the beginning of a world wide jihadist movement to eradicate Western Civilization, and they want to focus only on protecting a woman's right to kill the life growing inside her body.' I don't love special interest groups.Tuesday, January 22, 2008, the Santa Barbara News-Press published a half-page ad from the "Santa Barbara Pro-Choice Coalition" concerned with what would happen to women in America "if Roe Fell?"' They list: "They may have to resort to back alleys, they'll be forced to travel to states with less restrictive laws, they may be prosecuted for self-induced abortions, [and] poor and low income women will suffer the most."' It is signed by just about every group in Santa Barbara that is dominated by women (except, of course, by religious or pro-life groups).When I woke up to that ad I thought immediately that "if Roe Fell" maybe women would be more circumspect about when and with whom they had sex; that women might show some proactive responsibility by using the birth control pill, an IUD, etc., or have the maturity to make sure their sex partner (or, if you're in college, it's just a hook-up partner) uses a condom.' I also thought that maybe they'd have the compassion not to make an innocent child experience capital punishment, and instead be offered for adoption to a two-parent, mature and responsible married couple and thereby create a family instead of terminating a life.Instead, we've got a culture that disdains personal responsibility and elevates freedom from consequences and the impact on others be damned.' Think about the so-called reality shows which have young adults mixing and matching sexual exploits, and the popularity of television programs like "Sex in the City" and "Friends."' Sharon wrote to me recently about the second American Idol pilot episode: "Auditioning was a young man who had made a promise to his father never to kiss or be intimate with a girl until his wedding night.' He wears a key around his neck that fits into a heart that hangs around his father's neck.' His father will give this heart to his son's bride when the time comes.' It was all very sweet and I admired him so much for his dedication to this promise.' I thought that his wife would be a very lucky woman." "I was shocked at American Idol's spin on this young man's promise.' I thought they would respond to it as romantic.' Instead, they essentially mocked him.' He did not get selected, and when he asked if the judges had any advice, they told him to go kiss a girl.' He told his father he would just keep working on his voice and come back next year.' The announcer said maybe next year he'll come back as a man instead of a boy." "I was shocked.' To me he already was a man.' It takes a man to make a sacrifice like that.' He was easily 25.' In today's world, boys as young as 12 are having sex, so does that make them men?' Who makes the standards on what makes a man today?' And does American Idol have any right to make that call?" About 13 percent of American women are black, yet new figures from the Centers for Disease Control show they account for 35 percent of the abortions and the overwhelming majority of children born to black women are "illegitimate."' Alveda King, a niece of Martin Luther King Jr., calls herself a "reformed murderer" for undergoing two abortions when she was young.' According to the AP report, she is now an outspoken anti-abortion campaigner.' She says that the best way to reduce abortions among black women is to dissuade more of them from premarital sex.' "'We give free sex education, free condoms, free birth control,' she complained.' 'That's almost like permission to have free sex, and the higher the rate of sexual activity, the higher the rate of unintended pregnancy.'"Ms. King is so right.' The Denver Post (January 7, 2008) reported that pregnant students in a Denver high school are asking for at least four weeks of maternity leave so "they can heal, bond with their newborns, and not be penalized with unexcused absences."' These are unmarried teenagers whose children will now be in 'other than mom'-care, most likely grow up in poverty, and not have a dad in their lives.' Meanwhile, society is telling these girls that their actions should have no consequences on them...what about their children?!' The do-gooders who back up these young girls refuse to acknowledge this disaster cast upon innocent children, and instead propagate more such irresponsible behavior by demanding free child-care and elevating these girls to a sacred status.'It would seem that reinstituting shame for being a "bad girl" and having sexual intercourse out-of-wedlock (it works...there were no pregnancies in either of the two high-schools I went to in Long Island, NY), and pushing the heck out of adoption might be better for women in the long run than unfettered abortion rights.What is ignored or denied by Planned UN-Parenthood types are the wide range of emotional problems that women who have had abortions suffer.' To get up to speed with these facts, check out www.abortionfacts.com/reardon/after_abortion_psychological_rea.asp .'Nicole wrote to me about watching a popular morning television talk show where the topic was "hooking up." "On stage was a fourteen year old girl who mentioned that her friends were having oral sex at the age of 11 and that she had hooked up too.' Evidently, when the mother expressed some anger, the host and the 'expert' ganged up on her telling her how to be more understanding and go off with her and buy condoms." "That's when I shut the television off.' I grew up with parents who had a zero tolerance policy for sexual activity outside of marriage.' Sure, when I was a child our conversations about sex were calm and relaxed.' We talked openly about the consequences and reasons to wait.' However, when I became a teenager I knew that if I had sex and got pregnant, I was on my own.' I knew that if I had sex they would not pay for college.' I knew that if I had sex there were not only going to be consequences with my parents...and you know what?' As a teenager, losing the love and respect of my parents was enough of a consequence for me to abstain when my friends were not." "Parents need to be stern about sex outside of marriage - not compassionate.' If my parents had told me in advance that I could come to them after I had sex and all I would receive was a big hug and a trip to the drug store, I would have had no reason to abstain." Perhaps we should go back to thinking about sex as "making love," and then wait 'til we actually are...making love. More >>

I get thousands of emails, letters and faxes every week.' They can be funny, sobering, trivial, deep.' Every once in a while one comes in that just takes my breath away.' This is one of those: "I am terminally ill with cancer.' I AM GOING TO BE HAPPY EVERY DAY.' Life is a very great gift.' I am very grateful for each day.' Even if all you get in life is one sunrise or one sunset; life is a fantastic present. I DO NOT FEEL GUILTY FOR MY HAPPINESS." She asked me not to use her name. More >>

I want to begin this blog by offering my deepest and most sincere condolences to the family and friends of Heath Ledger , the young movie star found dead this week in his apartment.' The point of view of this blog does not in any way intend to minimize the loss, hurt, and emotional suffering of those with whom he was close.However, the amount of media attention to this tragedy does seem excessive to some, while the heroically tragic sacrifices of other talented and brave young Americans go unnoticed.' A "Blue Star Mother" (an organization of mothers who now have, or have had, children honorably serving in the military bluestarmothers.org ) wrote to me: "In listening to the recent press hysteria surrounding Heath Ledger's death, I can't help but contrast that with the ultimate sacrifice our troops make every day with no fanfare. My son, a Specialist with the Army 25th ID, is stationed in Taji, Iraq.' Last Friday he witnessed the death of his very good friend, Specialist Jon Schoolcraft , age 26, to an IED, not to mention the grievous wounds sustained by others in the same attack.' I would ask your listeners to log onto the DoD website ( defenselink.mil/Releases/ ) just once to see the names and ages of the brave young men and women who have made the ultimate sacrifice for their country.' Better yet, turn off the gossip channels on the TV and Internet and write a letter or send a care package to the troops to let them know they're not forgotten. God Bless you, Dr. Laura, for all you do for our troops.' I too am a Proud Mother of an American Soldier...Hoo-ah!" I believe that a civilization is measured in great part by what it chooses to honor. More >>

You could tell who the "visitors" were in Portland this past weekend.' We were the only ones using umbrellas...Portlanders simply go on with their lives as if water were not draining from the sky.'''' It was a great trip.' I arrived Thursday and stayed at The Benson Hotel on Southwest Broadway.' Friday morning we drove to KATU-TV where I had a fun interview about "In My Never To Be Humble Opinion," my one woman show that we did on Friday and Saturday night at the lovely Newmark Theater at the Portland Center for the Performing Arts.'''''' After the television interview, I arrived at KEX AM 1190 for an unbelievably moving Native American ceremony performed by Marshall Tall Eagle and his wife and granddaughter.' They presented me with a "Mother's Medal of Honor," in recognition of my being "the proud mother of a deployed American paratrooper."' Marshall Tall Eagle's special status among the tribes gave him the power to assign an "Indian" name to a "civilian."' He told me he'd prayed about it and was told what name to use for me:' "Walks with Warriors."' No question that I loved getting that name!''''' After doing my radio program from the KEX studios, I went to'afternoon team Mark & Dave's studio to be interviewed about whatever came into their very hilarious minds.' They and their crew surprised me with a birthday apple pie lit up with candles...very, very appreciated.'''' I'd asked Mark & Dave to open my one woman show and what a terrific move that turned out to be -- they were unbelievable witty and charming andjump-started audience enthusiasm.'''' I've been all over the country with my show, and the Newmark had the best audio of all by far - no matter where you sat from the front row to the last seat in the second balcony, you could hear every word.' The audience was fun and responsive...which brought the best out of me.'''' Saturday morning I got up way too early because the kind people at "Nolita's" (Pearl District) opened their shop up early so that I might take advantage of their cool styles and the luxury of a sale complete with no sales tax.' Don't ask how much I spent...their things were adorable.' Next stop was "Jane's Vanity" for a selection of fabulous lingerie.' I particularly like camisoles to wear under blazers.'''' We had a great lunch at Jake's Famous Crawfish.' The sourdough bread and the crab cakes were amazing.'''' We all walked back to our hotels after lunch to nap - traveling and performing...eating and shopping... take a lot out of you!''''' Saturday night's crowd was as enthusiastic and energized as the night before - with both nights totally sold out.'''' One couple had changed their marriage plans a bit in order to make sure they made it to the Saturday show.' They moved the ceremony and reception earlier in the day and then drove to Portland to see the show...still wearing their wedding clothes!' I acknowledged them from the stage and gave them a wedding present I'd purchased the week before in response to their email informing me of their "new" plans.' Just adorable.'''' I loved Portland, the folks at KEX, and Portlanders in general.' They were all gracious, fun, positive and quite sensitive to the more serious issues I addressed' as well as open to having a good time. Thank you all for your hospitality.'''' Sunday morning I got up at 5 AM to be home by 11 AM so that I could go out with my sailboat racing crew to practice.' My husband then made the best hamburger and potato salad on any coast and I just put my feet up, petted Bebe while watching some touching true story about a college that lost its whole football team in a tragic plane crash.' I'm a sucker for sentimental stories - even more so when they're about real life.'''' We're looking at a number of new cities to go to with the one woman show.' I'm hoping to see many more of you soon! More >>

Earlier this week, I got a call from a 36 year old woman who has been "shacking up" with her boyfriend for four years.' She wants to have children, but senses his ambivalence.' The answer I gave her applies to all the otherwise intelligent women who do this.You should move out and say "I've decided I've made a horrible mistake and the next time I'm living under the same roof as a man, I'm going to be his wife!"You don't demand anything.' You don't threaten anything. You act like a dignified woman, instead of an unpaid whore.' It's as simple as that.' A man who loves and respects a woman wouldn't treat you like that.When I asked this caller "What would you tell your son?" at first, she didn't understand that I was raising a hypothetical question about how she would explain this behavior to her "future" child.' She started to say, "Well, if you're both happy, and you're both-" and I immediately cut in and said she should not make babies.' If you're going to do that to your kid, don't have any.' If you're going to tell your daughter "...as long as you're happy and you're screwing your brains out every night with a guy who doesn't want to commit his life to you, it's all okay!" - we don't need any more parents like that.'That's why we have such chaos in our whole society - because you think "happy" at any one moment is the highest value.' I think honor, sacrifice, and commitment are a higher honor than taking your daily "happiness" temperature, because a man staying true to his wife, who has terminal colon cancer, instead of dating is not happy .' Is he happy ?' Then that can't be the highest quotient!If you want the world to deal on "happiness," then you have to understand that your man will leave you any day you don't make him happy, and will not honor you or any vow, because he doesn't have to!' You've already taught him that if you're "happy," that's the only thing that matters.I don't think firemen are happy to run into burning buildings.' I don't think they're "happy" doing that.' I don't think police are "happy" to surround a building where somebody says he's going to shoot everybody.' I don't think they lay awake in the morning and go "Gee, that makes me happy!"' They have honor and sacrifice and duty and commitment to something higher than "feeling good" in and of themselves.' Don't have children if you're going to teach them about "happiness."' We have enough chaos in our society because people are doing what they "feel" like when it has no meaning and no projection into the future.'If you teach your sons to screw girls if it makes them happy, and as long as she's smiling and you don't have to make any commitment, don't make babies.' We just don't need any more parents like you.' We just don't. More >>