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Unfortunately, bad things happen sometimes.' Some of those bad things are forces of nature: hurricanes, mudslides, tornados, earthquakes, and disease.' While life, death, loss, and injury are horrendous experiences to deal with, psychologically we are somewhat more philosophical about these encounters with horror because they aren't "personal."''''' "Personal" horrors, on the other hand, include intentional harm to the body, soul, property, psychological well-being and reputation of another for political, egotistical, or financial gain - or for the simple pleasure derived from having the power to destroy.' These experiences turn out to be more difficult to cope with, because they are not seen as "the stuff that could and has happened to anyone."''''' In addition, there is great compassion and sympathy for those struck by nature, while a profound fear of helping is the general response to personal attacks on an innocent party, lest one get caught in the sights of the evil-doer.' Therefore, the support necessary is often less in size and strength - which adds ongoing injury to the already damaged person.'''' The evolution of talk radio and television news from information to confrontation, as well as the loss of any ethical foundation of print media (newspapers and magazines) and the unleashing of anonymous venom on the internet and blogs, have served not only to destroy reputations with undocumented vicious gossip, but have lowered the level of discourse and civility to an unbelievably dangerous level.''''' Decent folks who wish to serve their country in the military, politics, social work and other public arenas, become fodder for indecent attacks based upon ideology, with the sole purpose of eliminating their voices and ability to function.''''' Gone is the civility of negotiations, arbitrations, discussions, and debates.''''' Soon, only the indecent will reign.' Al Qaeda, the Taliban, Hezbollah, etc., have only to wait; we are destroying our own society.'''' Our American society is becoming alarming ugly and dangerous.'''' How does a family and its members survive?' It is difficult - and sometimes barely possible.'''' When bad things happen the first reaction of most family members is a kind of' "shock," in which people seem not to be that upset - it is more a reaction of disbelief or a sense of not really comprehending the situation.' Once the truth and reality become tangible, that's when the pain, grief, hurt, fear and anxiety set in.' If the situation appears hopeless, and the people involved feel helpless to protect themselves or their loved ones, a horrible depression infiltrates every bone of their bodies.'''' This is a critical time for a family.' It is at this time that intervention by meaningful intimates is absolutely crucial.' It is at this terrible time that people often contemplate direct or indirect suicide: driving a car over a cliff or overdosing with some dangerous medication.'''' Family members might turn against each other; imagining that they alone are really feeling the pain and that the other doesn't really understand and can't help.' When the enemy is nature or an evil-doer, it is often difficult or impossible to get revenge or justice.' That concern alone sometimes leaves people lashing out where they can: on family.'''' What most folks truly need at a time like this is three-fold.' Number 1: complete support and expression of understanding for the magnitude of the painful situation.'' That means you don't placate, minimize, patronize with fairy dust, try to distract with cheerful activities, or attempt to whitewash with "perspective," like there is worse happening in India.'''' Instead, you need to hug and acknowledge that this is, indeed s**t and they are justified to be feeling every horrible feeling they're going through.' When, for example, people call my radio program telling me of their horrendous emotional state in reaction to some horrible assault, I tell them, "That is a reasonable response to an unreasonable situation."' In other words, you validate the truthfulness of their perception and response. You must validate the truth of their reality or you run the risk of making them feel "more crazy."'''' Number 2: you must make sure they get some food for strength and sugar in their blood stream to avoid headaches and deeper depression; you must get them to sleep even if it means temporarily using sleep medications (over the counter types if at all possible), and depending on their level of despair, make sure they are watched just in case a temporary despondency might lead to them hurting themselves.'''' Number 3: you must get advice for a "game plan" that deals with the situation.' This gives the family member "hope" and relieves some of the "helplessness."' This stage of reaction is usually associated with anger; that anger has to be controlled and focused in a positive direction - one that will not add to the problem, but will ultimately approach justice.'''' Our society has become, as I said earlier, a meaner, harsher, and more dangerous place than ever before.' I don't know what can turn it back.' I mourn for the America that was the safe haven of the world. More >>

231 years ago, the Declaration of Independence was signed, but it wasn't until seven years later, in 1783, that the war was over and the United States of America was officially free of British rule.' We commemorate a lot of things on July 4th - the signing of that most important document, the birth of a new nation, and the freedom that we've been able to enjoy since Thomas Jefferson wrote of "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness."' For this holiday, I'm turning my blog over to my listeners - below are excerpts from letters and emails I've received reminding us all about what it means to be an American, and how we should value those who defend those rights we hold so dearly. ...there are still plenty of Americans that are thankful and proud of what [our sons and daughters are] willing to do for us.' We are not so stupid and foolish as to think that if this country was without a military, we would be able to lead the lives and have the freedoms and "luxuries" (like running water and electricity) that most Americans take for granted as a "right" instead of realizing that [these are] privileges that most inhabitants of this planet do not enjoy....These are truly times that try men's souls.' Thanks to all military families for their service from a STILL proud American!!! --'Glenda I am a US Marine Corps veteran.' I am a woman, standing 5'3", 110 pounds.' I served my country for four years, prior to getting married and having children, and it is one of my proudest accomplishments (of course, my family ranks #1).' Because of my service, I am a strong, independent, and educated woman.' I am a better wife and mother for having served.' The military is an excellent place to find your inner strength, and having been there, I know that I can accomplish anything. --'Mikayla Today we said goodbye to one of our own, Marine Sergeant Stephen Wilson.' I did not know him, but attended the services to show my support for the men and women serving our country.' When I arrived at the church, the streets were lined with flags and supporters.' I was handed a small American flag, and I entered the parking lot.' The motorcycle Vietnam veterans accompanied the hearse and there were veterans there en masse. The service was beautiful, and what stands out in my mind was Stephen's best friend.' They grew up together and joined the Marines together.' In his remarks, he wanted to convey what Stephen would have said.' He said he would have asked what America meant to the soldiers.' He continued that many would say "freedom," but Stephen would have said "you," as he pointed to the audience.' Stephen would have said we do this because of you, the people we love.' It was so incredible and powerful! After the service, I went around and introduced myself to each and every Marine and thanked them for their service.' Several got tears in their eyes.' I was looking into the souls of MEN, not boys.' One Marine told me he had gotten there the previous night and had gotten lost.' He stopped to get directions, and when the woman found out why he was here, she took him home, cooked dinner for him, and invited in friends.' He was overwhelmed with their love and generosity. Dr. Laura, you would not believe how many wonderful, loving, caring people here love our country and our brave men and women that serve.' May God bless them and never forget they are doing it for us. --'Terri;'Discovery Bay, CA More >>

This week, I'm turning over my blog to a guest.' A few weeks ago, after a comment I made on-the-air regarding civility, I got an e-mail from Joe Hanlon, whose message I could not improve upon.' So, with his permission, I've decided to share his words with you.' Welcome, Joe, our first guest blogger: Hi, Dr. Laura! Long-time listener, first time emailer.' Well, I try to listen as much as I can, but as a math teacher, I'm usually a tad busy when you are on the air.' I catch the last ten minutes of your show on XM a lot. I caught those last ten minutes today, and heard your comments on civility.' As usual, my reaction to your commentary was "Right on!"' The Internet IS ruining civility by allowing people to say the rudest things under the cover of anonymity and just because they can.' Programs like "The View" foster incivility because rudeness garners ratings and makes money.' The problem is that incivility is oozing out from television and the Internet into everyday discourse, often resulting in harsher, and sometimes physical, incivility. I tried to stem this tide.' I stuck my finger in this Internet dike by creating a site called, appropriately to this subject, "Civility."' Previously, I had been posting on a sports team site on topics ranging from the team to baseball in general to politics to religion.' Unfortunately, it is impossible to discuss any of these topics on the Internet without being verbally assaulted with rudeness, name-calling, and vulgarity.' Unfortunately, my reaction was often in kind (or should I say in "Unkind?"). I didn't like my Internet persona.' It was very different from my live personality.' In real life, I have very strong opinions and often state them matter-of-factly, but am always careful not to rudely attack the person I am talking to, nor to use profanity.' I naively thought that changing my Internet personality would keep me out of "flame wars" and allow me to participate in heated, but civil, debates.' Wrong. So, I tried to start a message board whose goal was to promote strong debate while remaining civil.' It worked to the extent that we had several debates in which disagreements were profound, but incivility was kept to an unheard-of minimum.' It failed in the sense that I couldn't keep it going.' Over time, I had more members joining trying to sell Viagra and pornography than I had members who wanted to debate the hot topics of the day.' I had to move the site to lose the trolls, but the few remaining members didn't follow.' The site still exists, but has nothing recent posted.' If you'd like to check it out, it's at www.civility.eye95.org . The point is that civility doesn't sell.' Sadly, incivility does. I still post on the sports site.' I liberally use the "ignore" feature (which means that over half the posts are invisible to me), and I try to remain civil at all times.' I have less [of a] problem with people being uncivil to me; they now know that I won't fight back (often referred to as "defending" oneself) and that I will simply ignore them. People who want to be civil have to learn how to live in an uncivil world without becoming infected.' It is hard.' Unfortunately, changing the rest of the world does not seem to be an option.' I keep trying to have some small effect, though.' But, being an idealist is hard, too. Keep changing the world, one listener at a time. Joe More >>

What a conundrum for liberals who support any and all abortions at any time for any reason under the rubric of "pro-choice" freedoms.' Liberals are also supposedly for diversity.' Well, here's the problem:' If a woman is free to abort the human being developing in her body for any whim, shouldn't she be able to abort the baby if it has been genetically tested and the results are not "pleasing?"The New York Times' "Week in Review" "Prenatal Tests + Abortion = ???" (May 13, 2007) dealt with this growing concern about pro-choice abortion morality and ethics: "Abortion rights supporters - who believe that a woman has the right to make decisions about her own body-have had to grapple with the reality that the right to choose may well be used selectively to abort fetuses deemed genetically undesirable.' And many are finding that, while they support a woman's right to have an abortion if she does not want to have a baby, they are less comfortable when abortion is used by women who don't want to have a particular baby." Two "liberal values" are on a collision course.' The first is, of course, the right to terminate fetal life at will.' The second is the freedom to abort children on the basis of gender, sexual orientation, disabilities, intelligence, and future illnesses (certain cancers and arthritis) when the liberal mantra is supposedly "pro diversity." "Kirsten Moore [the article continues], president of the pro-choice Reproductive Health Technologies Project, said that when members of her staff recently discussed whether to recommend that any prenatal tests be banned, they found it impossible to draw a line - even at sex selection, which almost all found morally repugnant.' 'We all had our own zones of discomfort, but still couldn't quite bring ourselves to say 'here's the line, firm and clear' because that is the core of the pro-choice philosophy,' she said.' 'You can never make that decision for someone else." This puts pro-abortion liberals in a quandary.' As more pre-natal genetic testing becomes available, more folks will have the ability to "design" a baby.' They will probably choose against much of the core constituency that political liberals have worked hard on to fortify their ideological base.'Very interesting. More >>

On Friday, May 11th, I was in Salt Lake City doing my radio program at Fort Douglas to honor Military Moms for Mother's Day.' Just before the three-hour live broadcast, I was interviewed by Matthew D. LaPlante for the Salt Lake Tribune; ostensibly about Military Moms.' I don't remember him asking me even one question about that.'''' His article was published the next day with the headline, " Dr. Laura to G.I. wives: No Whining ."' Although this interview went over one-half hour, and I covered a wide range of subjects pertinent to military families and the war, he chose a comment, one that I've made before many times on the air, to make the primary focus of his article - and, he took it out of the entire context of my remarks.'''' I am so deeply sad and disappointed that this out of context comment appears to have caused hurt and pain to military spouses - people that I've spent so much time helping.' I am frustrated that people who haven't heard my program would be misled as to my attitude and intent.'''' I am a military mom.' I whine to my husband every day about how scared I am for my son and how helpless I feel to protect his body and soul.' However, I never whine to my son when he is able to call between missions.'''' That, and only that, is my point.' Of course military spouses endure fear and domestic burdens.' Of course they often need emotional support and practical assistance.' As I said to the reporter, and many times on my program, family services, clergy, family, friends, and the camaraderie of other military spouses are available outlets.' However, burdening one's warrior spouse with your fears, upsets, loneliness, etc., is a huge mistake as it demoralizes the warrior and thereby undermines their concentration while they are in life-death situations.'''' It is also true that when a soldier is in combat, his family must remember that anything they are going through needs to be perceived in the context of the fact that they are not dodging bullets and tip-toeing around IEDs.' I know that when I get upset about things in my life, I think about my son and what he is facing that he can't walk away from, then I have a cup of coffee and go for a relaxing sail.' It puts me back into a less "poor me" perspective.' And that is what I have conveyed to millions of folks on my radio program.'''' Warrior wives, as I refer to them, need to be independent, compassionate, mature, selfless, strong, competent, supportive and well-connected to family, friends, and church - because their men are in daily life-and-death situations and need the reassurance of their woman's loyalty, love, and strength to survive.'''' I have been a major cheerleader for all the members of military families.' That's why I have raised over $500,000. for Operation Family Fund (which provides financial assistance to families of fallen or severely injured military) as well as trips such as this last one to Salt Lake City to support Military Moms before Mother's Day.'''' I have met Blue, Silver and Gold Star Moms.' It is humbling to see them all proud and mutually supportive, even when suffering.' I am inspired by family members who lovingly and patriotically sacrifice to support one of their own who volunteered for service to their country and families.' Military folks and their families are a breed apart as they live with the threat of death, for the promise of freedom for complete strangers.'''' We should all be respectful and very grateful. More >>

As I've written in a prior blog, I agreed with the firing of Imus.' His decades of uncivil remarks for "entertainment" (his word) needed to come to a close.'' I hope this is just the beginning of firing folks for hateful remarks.' Let's go to that peace and groovy love group, "Rage Against the Machine."' In a recent concert in the Coachella Valley in California, lead singer-rapper Zack de la Rocha shouted, "This current administration....should be tried and hung and shot."' He also likened President Bush to a Nazi war criminal.'I don't think Zack ever walked through Dachau concentration camp while it was in operation or since.' I did.' I realized that as a half-Jew I would have died in one of the ovens and my body thrown in a pit, had it not been for an accident of my birth coming after the war. That comparison as well as the death declaration should be enough to fire Zack.' He meant it - Imus was just being a righteous jerk.Another individual ripe for firing should be Sheik Ahmad Bahr, acting Speaker of the Palestinian Legislative Council.' He is reported to have declared during a Friday sermon at a Sudan mosque that America and Israel will be annihilated, and "called upon Allah to kill Jews and Americans 'to the very last one.'' He meant that.' Imus was just being a righteous jerk. More >>

I just about lost it reading Linda P. Campbell's syndicated column ( www.realcities.com/mld/dfw/news/columnists/linda_campbell/17137857/17137857.htm ) about the Supreme Court's abortion decision not being simple or neat. Let me take some of her points one by one, as she explains her abhorrence of any controls over any abortion, in addition to the barbaric sucking out of a baby's brain after the head emerges from the birth canal (partial birth abortion).'First, she says " And of course, a woman who's about to undergo an abortion ought to understand the details, risks and implications just as much as she should before a tummy tuck, hip replacement, or appendectomy ."All those procedures require an office visit and an explanation of the process, and then a new appointment for the procedure.' Call any Planned Parenthood you like - or walk in, and you can get an abortion right then and there, as long as it isn't too busy.' Planned Parenthood, NOW (the National Organization of "I don't know what kind of " Women) and other "feminist" organizations have always been against the waiting period, a sonogram to show the baby's level of development, or a discussion about the benefits of giving life and finding a suitable two-parent, married mom and dad family for adoption.Second, she says, " I can't imagine the circumstances that would cause a woman to choose abortion.' But I can appreciate that each one who does has reasons that only she can reconcile with her conscience ."I have been on radio taking calls from slightly more than 50% women for 32 years.'' I know why women have abortions, because they've called.' It is rarely because of severe anomalies or life-threatening circumstances.' It is generally because of "circumstances," usually meaning the one-night stand, casual boyfriend, fianc', or sometimes husband doesn't want a child or else dumps them.Ms. Campbell continues: "It's all too tempting to make judgments about which motives we consider justified and which we don't.' But then we risk wandering into scary territory.' How far do we want to let lawmakers and zealots reach into our most personal and private decisions when they haven't a clue about what's best for us?" What?? We should make no judgments about motivations to kill another human being?' Self-defense in an armed robbery deserves the same respect as the intentional murder of innocents by a suicide-bombing?' A woman who keeps having casual sex and uses abortion as birth control can't be judged differently from a pregnant woman with a serious heart problem who might die if the pregnancy goes to term?I, for one, am sick and tired with the "nothing should be judged" nonsense.' Of course we judge - that's how we make decisions and choices every day.' To judge is to discern good from evil, right from wrong, and selfish from selfless.' Without that, we are just lower animals.Abortions out of shame, embarrassment, or inconvenience are a horrible, despicable disaster.' An Abortion to save the life of the mother is self-defense.'There.' I dared to judge. More >>

I am "the proud mother of a deployed American paratrooper," and because of that fact I have, perhaps, a unique perspective on the massacre at Virginia Tech.'''''''As a mother I, of course, thought about how horrendous this whole nightmare is to the families of the victims as well as all the emotional damage to the survivors.' From listening to the reports on this heinous occurrence, I heard repeatedly that the shooter had to reload several times and went from classroom to classroom.' As a military mom, I immediately wished that our young people had the same obligation and experience that all young folks in Israel have: two years of military training and service.' Those reloading and trolling periods were windows of opportunity that only young folks trained militarily would have been able to use to subdue or terminate the perp and save many lives.'''' Just in case you're saying, "Well, this doesn't happen that often and is not a substantial reason for universal 2-year training," I've got a further reason to support such training.'''' Radical Islamists and jihadists are already here in the United States.' While we have, for better or worse, focused their attention on Iraq and Afghanistan... they will be using their tactics of mass murdering of innocents right here next.' It is going to be important that our civilian population have sufficient training and know-how to protect their homes and communities.''' The following quote came from an Associated Press (April 17, 2007) article entitled, "Taliban Using Indiscriminate, Iraq-style Tactics, Killing civilians, Rights Group Says." "I lost my son, brother and nephew because of the Taliban. They say that they are fighting for God and Islam, but they are not; they are killing good and innocent Muslims and Afghans who have done nothing wrong," one man was quoted as saying.'''' I believe every household should have at least one person trained and certified to shoot a gun.' I believe every young person between 18 and 20 years of age should be required to receive compulsory military training.' Over 70 nations in the world require some level of compulsory military service on the part of their young citizens including countries such as Austria, Brazil, Denmark, Finland, Germany, Israel, Mexico, Norway, Sweden and Switzerland.' Why shouldn't the United States be as prepared as these countries?' I believe we as Americans should be equipped mentally and physically to protect ourselves, our family, and our Country. More >>

I recently got an email from a first time "mom to be" about her experiences online as she attempted to find support and information from others in the same situation.' She was quite disturbed by what she found, and I offered her the opportunity to be this week's "Guest Blogger" and share her comments with you:
Dr. Laura:
I cannot thank you enough for being a voice of reason these days.' It has recently hit home pretty hard about how "turned around" people have become in their thinking and the decisions they make.
I'm 6+ months pregnant with my first child, and was excited to join an online pregnancy club for my birth month.' I quickly became sickened as I read the threads that were being posted by other soon-to-be mothers.' I read thread after thread of mothers whose boyfriends were cheating on them, and they'd just complain and get sympathy from other soon-to-be mothers (and I use that word very lightly).
The overall sympathetic message that kept reverberating was that it is never the woman's fault, and they can't help it that their child's "sperm donor" is such a deadbeat.' They encourage each other with strong words and big talk about how they have more than enough love for their child and have absolutely NO need for a father.' They even have their own lovely support group for single/unwed mothers, to provide emotional support for these poor unwitting victims of sex.
I tried to combat some of these women's comments to no avail.' No matter what I posted about how life can be better, and we can make good decisions for our children and that there are other alternatives to give our children what they deserve (i.e., a two parent home), I kept getting absolutely lambasted from every direction:' attacked on all sides, called every name, my words twisted and distorted to make it seem like I was the most uncaring, unfeeling person in the world, and had nothing of value to say regarding families.' These women didn't
need
a father to influence their children, period!' They certainly didn't need me advocating the importance of fathers or pointing out that we are old enough to make good decisions - for example, not bed-hopping from one creep to another, hurting our children.' When I used my own wonderful husband as an example of the great guys that are out there, I was told to give my marriage more time, because it was certain not to last, and boy, then wouldn't I feel stupid for my words!
This
coming from the future mothers of America.
When did we all become victims?' When did we give up on making good decisions and become bodies just used for sex and ruining children's lives?' I am sickened and disheartened, and I cannot wipe these "threads" from my mind.' I couldn't imagine living the kind of lives they live - not out of self-righteousness, as they accuse me of and for which they spit on my ideals - but because life would be devoid of anything decent or holy.' I did not realize there was really that kind of emptiness and deprivation in our wonderful country.' I thank my parents for keeping me from that kind of a life.' Thank you, Dr. Laura, for being a beacon shining through the haze of this new America.' The "sperm donors" aren't the ones who are really ruining our society.' The single/unwed mother club of America is robbing our future generations of life's purpose, meaning, and love.
Elisabeth More >>