The Holidays are Coming: Worried about Your Kids#146; Table Manners? Virginia M. Shiller, Ph.D. www.rewardsforkids.com No matter how many times you#146;ve asked your seven-year-old to remove his elbows from the table, does it seem that he can#146;t keep them off for longer than it takes you to reach into the fridge to fetch the butter? And do the magic words #147;please#148; and #147;thank you,#148; not to mention longer phrases such as #147;Would you please pass the milk,#148; sometimes seem like a foreign language your child will never master? With the holidays coming, many parents are concerned that they should be preparing their children to perform acceptably at the family dinner table. Yet, this is a time when stress is mounting for parents, and children are weary at the end of the long school day. If reminders and nagging haven#146;t worked before, they are unlikely to work now. To make the learning of better table habits as painless a process as possible, a carefully devised reward plan might just do the trick. All of us #150; adults as well as children #150; form new habits when we have adequate motivation and sufficient opportunity for practice. To increase your child#146;s motivation, consider offering a modest reward for consistently practicing better manners. Don#146;t worry: You needn#146;t promise a new toy or more sweets if you feel your child gets more than enough of such things. Privileges such as the opportunity to stay up later on Friday evening, or special activities such as a family ice-skating outing may be sufficiently enticing incentives. The basic steps for a reward plan aimed at improving manners are: Devise and introduce a plan at a moment when you#146;re calm, not during a crisis at the dinner table. You don#146;t want to make promises you#146;ll later regret, and you want to introduce the plan in as positive a manner as possible. Take an upbeat, encouraging approach: for example, you might say that you see your child is showing more maturity in her homework habits or athletic skills, and you think she#146;s now up to mastering better manners. Have reasonable expectations, and don#146;t demand perfection. Expect your child to make improvement, but also to slip at times into old habits. And it is usually better to ask children work on only one or two new behaviors at one time. Make up a chart to record progress. If remembering the words #147;please#148; and #147;thank you#148; is the goal, you might offer your child a star for every dinner he manages to say these phrases at least five times. Young children will be more invested in the plan if they get to personalize the chart by drawing pictures on it or affixing their photo to the chart. Provide reminders to help keep the tone of the plan positive and fun. Children could make placemats with words or pictures to remind them of their goals. To add some humor, you might devise and wear a cardboard #147;crown#148; to remind children to make requests respectfully. (After all, they#146;re talking to the queen!) Provide the reward within a time-frame appropriate for your child#146;s age. Preschoolers may need a modest reward (e.g., an extra story at bedtime) daily. Elementary school aged children can wait to receive a reward once a week. After two or three weeks, most children will have improved their habits, and typically will lose interest in the reward plan. You might award your child an #147;I Did It!#148; Certificate stating her new accomplishment to mark the end of the plan. And, before you head for the family holiday dinner, reinforce the new habits at one last dinner at home. You might come up with a secret signal (perhaps tapping your nose, or pointing to where the crown once sat) to remind children if they start to forget their best manners amidst the excitement of the family gathering. While devising a reward plan takes a little effort, the joys of watching your children demonstrate better behavior makes the effort well worth it. Reward plans are a pleasurable way to improve a variety of child problem behaviors. And parents themselves feel rewarded when they watch their children behaving in more positive and mature ways. Virginia Shiller, Ph.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in the treatment of children and families. She is a Lecturer at the Yale Child Study Center, Chair of the Connecticut Psychological Association Children and Youth Committee, and author of the book Rewards for Kids! Ready-to-Use Charts Activities for Positive Parenting (American Psychological Association, 2003). For more information, visit www.rewardsforkids.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Homeschooling Hurdles Homebodies By Cheryl Gochnauer Cheryl@homebodies.org Because of the amount of time involved, homeschooling parents are usually also stay-at-home parents. There are lots of reasons families decide to go this route. But once it is chosen, home schooling, like any other endeavor, has its ups and downs. #147;My main concern about home schooling isn#146;t the lack of socialization,#148; says Carol, who is debating whether to send her child to private school in Mississippi or teach him herself. Instead, she is worried that he#146;ll be too sheltered. #147;He will miss the classroom and playground situations that help teach children how to deal with life and people. I am very concerned that my son will be too naiuml;ve, and my husband says school will help toughen him up.#148; Kass encourages Carol to take a different view. #147;For my son, I'd rather be the one teaching him how to handle arguments, differences of opinion, bullies and such than to have him learn it on his own or from his peers. I am very glad that I'm nearby to guide him with learning the appropriate responses and behaviors in dealing with complicated and even everyday situations.#148; Another roadblock some home schooling parents run into is lack of family support. #147;I thought that my relatives would come around,#148; says Pam, who is teaching her 6-year-old son at home. #147;But all except my mom have either disapproved or said nothing and then let something slip to show their true feelings (#145;Won't you be glad when your mommy lets you go to real school and play with the other kids?#146;). #147;In talking with other home schoolers, I've found that there will always be family members who think you've lost your mind,#148; she acknowledges. #147;I guess you just have to deal with each person and incident as they arise. I've decided that I'm not arguing the point or trying to convince anyone anymore. If they change their attitudes, that's great. But I don't feel that the Lord called me to convert the world to home schooling. I know my kids better than anyone else. I#146;ll do what God has led me to do. The safest and best place in the world is in the center of His will.#148; Home schooling is legal throughout America, but regulatory laws vary, so it is critical to know your specific state guidelines. Getting involved in a local home schooling support group will help you keep tabs on changing regulations and provide a network of friends who have made the same educational choices. #147;I think every single home schooling family I#146;ve ever met has been more than happy to share what they know with others,#148; says Tori, an Ohio home schooler. She tries to ease worries of new home schoolers who may feel overwhelmed with all the perceived rules and regulations. #147;You do not have to have little desks, a dedicated schoolroom and lesson plans for 5-6 hours a day!#148; Instead, many teaching experiences are woven into everyday activities, like going to the grocery store (math and economics), hiking in the woods (science and nature), and seeing a movie (literature and theatre). Some parents do set aside a special schooling area, but kids can work just as easily at the kitchen table. And though the state requires a set number of schooling hours per year, each family uses their discretion in establishing a schedule. (For instance, starting school at 10 a.m. instead of 8 a.m., or teaching every other day instead of five days straight.) What about choosing curriculum? #147;There are tons of home schooling materials available, and to be a wise steward of your money, you need to come to some decisions about things,#148; Tori advises.#147;Deciding what to buy depends on why you#146;re home schooling, your personal teaching style, and the way your kids learn. #147;My biggest reason for home schooling was to have control over what they learned and how they learned it. I wanted them to be taught subjects within a Biblical context and framework. That obviously affected the materials I choose. #147;Some folks home school because they have kids that don#146;t fit the norm and have trouble in school #150; either they are brighter and need more information faster, or they are a tad slower in a couple of areas and need more one-on-one. Or perhaps they have a special needs child. Therefore,#148; Tori says, #147;my advice is to articulate WHY, then go on from there. Your decision will eliminate a fair amount of the available curriculum.#148; #147;Homeschooling Hurdles#148; is an excerpt from Cheryl#146;s book, #147;Stay-at-Home Handbook: Advice on Parenting, Finances, Career, Surviving Each Day Much More.#148; To purchase a copy, visit http://www.gospelcom.net/homebodies/bookstore/orderSAHH.php or your favorite bookstore.Comments? Contact Cheryl by writing Cheryl@homebodies.org . Also stop by www.homebodies.org , where you can interact with other parents on a variety of lively message boards. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Moving to a New Location? By Liz Franklin liz@franklinizer.com www.franklinizer.com Moving can be a traumatic experience. The best way to sidestep the trauma (and cut the time in half) is to use this simple technique: pack your things in the opposite order in which you will use them. It takes a little thinking ahead, but it's easy and works incredibly well. Follow these steps: Gather Your Supplies: Cardboard boxes (I prefer bankers boxes which cost only $1.00 eachwhen you buy them 6 or 10 to a pack. Advantages over regular boxes: Bankers boxes have handles and lids; you can write on the sides; they stack well, and look organized and uniform; they can fit most household goods; when you want something they#146;re easy to get into; they don#146;t fall apart; and they#146;re reusable.) Lots of labels, large enough to read from a distance (about 4" x4") (You could write directly on the sides of the boxes, but not if they are already covered with writing.) Large rolls of tape and at least one tape gun One big binder, with plain paper (not lined), three-hole punched Carbon paper Large tipped felt pens and regular ball point pens If you don't do this next step you'll be sorry later! Create a "Central Headquarters" by setting up an area that#146;s out of the general traffic flow, will not be disturbed throughout the entire move, and is close to the main door and the phone. A medium-sized table is perfect. This is now your command post for the move. Don#146;t use your desk or kitchen table#151;moving papers and supplies will get mixed in with others and you#146;ll regret it. Create a special area, well away from other stuff, where you can answer questions, plot furniture layouts, find moving supplies, store extra boxes and spare lids, etc. After each session of packing, return all supplies to this table. Tell everyone to make sure the scissors, tape, etc. are returned to Central HQ. Packing: This is the key to your entire move: PACK BACKWARDS. That means packing FIRST the things you won#146;t need until LAST. Then pack things you#146;ll need medium soon, and last of all pack the things you#146;ll need first. Example: Pick one room. Let#146;s start with the kitchen. Ask yourself, "What will I not use for five years? Don#146;t laugh#151;I#146;llbet you have stuff you haven#146;t SEEN in longer than that! Now grab your binder full of paper and a sheet of carbon paper.Slip the carbon between the first two sheets and write on the top sheet the number 1. Next to that put a large letter E, which stands for five years. (See the end of this article for the codes.) Open the cupboards and pull out everything you won#146;t use for fiveyears. Pack it in a box. Label ALL FOUR SIDES of the box the same as the page: "1 E". Nowadd the word "Kitchen", because that#146;s where the stuff is going when you get into your new place. On the first (and carbon) page in the binder, list everythingyou#146;re putting in the box. When the box is full, take the carbon out, tear off the secondsheet and tape it to the top of the box. Leave the top copy in the binder. You will eventually have a master list here. Tape the box shut and set it aside. Put the carbon between the nextset of pages. Now do the next box: It will be 2 E (the second box you#146;ve packed, with more stuff you won#146;t use for five years or more.) In this way, each room is first stripped of all seldom-used items. This technique also gives you more and more room to move around as the time gets closer to The Big Day. If you don#146;t have any "five year" stuff, go look in another room. If you STILL don#146;t have any five-year stuff, go to the next time category which is one year. Pack as many boxes as you can, from as many rooms as you can, numbering the boxes in the order you#146;re packing them, and designating them "D" for "don#146;t need to open this for one year." Labeling: For total efficiency, put a large, brightly colored label on all four sides of the box, and label it just as you did the page in the binder. Be sure to note the room or area it#146;s going to. So our first label (or writing directly on the first box) would look like this: 1 E KITCHEN The number shows the total count of how many boxes you#146;ve packed. That way, when you#146;re unpacking, you can match the box numbers to the sheets in your binder and know immediately if any got lost in transit#151;and what was in them. Packing#151;Stage TWO: Now that you#146;ve packed all your five-year items, go back to each of the same rooms and pack all the items you won#146;t use for one year (in the kitchen, for example, if it#146;s January your "won#146;t need it for one year" stuff might include holiday decorations.) These are the "D" items (moving backwards up the priority list), and are labeled as such in your binder and on the labels on ALL FOUR SIDES of the box. 12 D KITCHEN Packing#151;Stage THREE: Pack all the "C" items: things you won#146;t need in the first six months in your new place. Be sure the label shows what room the box should go into. Even if the movers (or your friends) ignore the labels, you can sort the boxes out much more easily whenever you need to. If all you use is the number and letter code, you#146;ll have to delve into the binder to find what was in every single box every single time. Who needs THAT when you#146;re tired! 16 C KITCHEN Packing#151;Stage FOUR: Pack all the "B" items#151;stuff you'll need in the first month but don#146;t have to open right away. 21 B KITCHEN Packing#151;Stage FIVE: Pack all the "A" items#151;things you#146;ll want in the first week (but not immediately#151;we#146;re coming to that). Your "A" items might include the big coffeepot, extra towels, utensils, etc. 30 A KITCHEN Packing#151;FINAL STAGE: Everything should have been moving smoothly so far, right up to this final stage. If you#146;ve been faithful to your Central Headquarters, you#146;ve found everything you need, when you need it. Now pack a final set of boxes labeled "AA" for top priority. These are the things you will want immediately after you move in, including the keys to the new place; restaurant menus; two towels and two sets of silverware for each person; toothbrushes; personal phone books; the checkbook; favorite coffee cups; etc. Unpacking Now that you're in the new place, set up a Central Headquarters to reverse the process#151;a place to unpack. Stock it with knives for opening your boxes; your binder for checking items in as they arrive; room to stash empty boxes; a wastebasket, cleaning rags; etc. During this entire process you should be able to find anything you need by looking at either the sides of the boxes or the binder. You don#146;t need to accomplish a mass unpacking as soon as you#146;ve moved in and you#146;re tired#151;just unpack the "AA" boxes (and maybe the "A#146;s") and get some rest. When you#146;re ready to unpack more, you can tell what room they go in, and you can pause again after the "B#146;s" are done. There#146;s some well-earned rest right there. Other advantages include: An inventory of all your goods, which you can give to yourinsurance agent If you have to put some things in storage temporarily, you will besure they aren#146;t things you#146;ll need soon You#146;ll be envy of all your friends because you#146;ll look so restedduring your move You#146;ll enjoy the congratulations of your moving company for being so organized Good luck! I#146;ve used this system at least five times and every time I appreciate it more. KEY: AA = Open First A = Will need right away (first week) B = Won't use for 1 month C = Won't use for 6 months D = Won't use for 1 year E = Won#146;t use for 5 years or more Liz is the nationally published author of How " To Get Organized Without Resorting to Arson ," visit her website at www.franklinizer.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

"Raise Your Voice" - A Movie Review The Movie Reporter By Philip Boatwright www.moviereporter.com Films Reviews from a Family Perspective Raise Your Voice. Hilary Duff, Jason Ritter, John Corbett, Oliver James, Rebecca De Mornay, David Keith. Most films nowadays are made with an intended audience. Adolescent males who enjoy seeing things souped up, blown up, or gobbled up are generally those courted first by movie studios. But teen and preteen girls, once very much neglected by Hollywood, have finally convinced the film industry that they will buy just as much popcorn as their male counterparts. After the success of #147;Mean Girls,#148; #147;Lizzie McGuire: The Movie,#148; and at least four recent Cinderella rip-offs, producers are now confident that the #147;Tween Girls Rule#148; genre is alive and well. So here#146;s another film with them in mind. Hilary Duff stars as Terri Fletcher, a small-town girl who aspires to a big-time singing career. When a personal tragedy interrupts her steady life, Terri defies her father#146;s wishes and secretly heads off to a Los Angeles performing arts summer school. But the school brings a whole new set of challenges for Terri, who suddenly finds herself part of a highly competitive program in an intimidating new city. Though initially overwhelmed by her new surroundings, Terri rises to the occasion with the help of some newfound friends, an encouraging teacher, a first love, and faith. Although I suspect anyone not into all things Duff may find it less than satisfying, teenaged girls who have grown up with Lizzie McGuire will love it. And why not? Young girls will either relate to the lead character#146;s adolescent frustrations or want to relate to her charms (Miss Lizzie has not only blossomed, she simply cannot be badly photographed). A bit shallow for adults, but for its intended audience, the film successfully addresses several poignant issues, including standing up for yourself and drawing from a spiritual core when facing life#146;s realities. And while the film is gratefully far from the likes of #147;Thirteen,#148; it is a touch edgier than previous Hilary Duff efforts due to fact that the main character deals with the guilt of her brother#146;s death and the deceiving of her domineering father. In the story, Terri (Hilary) must either go along with a sneaky plan formulated by her aunt and mother in order to get into the prestigious academy, or give up her dream and stay home with an overprotective father. Parents may initially fear that this premise condones lying to authority figures. What we must realize, however, is that without some conflict in a movie there would be no drama. But Terri is not a wiseacre Ferris Bueller-type who takes pleasure in pulling one over on bumbling parents. Rather, the character feels remorse throughout the film for her deception and ultimately the truth is faced. What#146;s more, the picture is actually addressing this moral issue. With any luck, family members will be reminded of the importance of communication. The most satisfying moments for this old fogy weren#146;t in the final musical showdowns, but in the three or four subtle moments that reflected the family#146;s spiritual direction. At least twice, we see Terri go to church by herself; we even see her pray. (When#146;s the last time you saw that in a film aimed at juveniles?) Other times we see her singing in choir and rehearsing the Hallelujah Chorus. Also she wears and clings to a cross left to her by her beloved brother. (When asked why it#146;s a Celtic cross, the director, a practicing Catholic, gave a concise explanation by simply repeating his entire name - Sean Patrick Michael McNamara .) Although Ms. Duff#146;s voice is still paper-thin, the film is full of lively and often joyous music, with positive lyrics #150; follow your heart #150; don#146;t give up #150; I#146;ll be strong #150; believe in yourself . The actors give bright, sincere performances, and though somewhat linear and unsophisticated, Mr. McNamara#146;s direction is effective at keeping the narrative from becoming maudlin or sugary while never condescending to his intended audience. Add to that the fact that he has avoided the usual crudity found in most youth-orientated flicks and you have a funny, family-friendly film. As for its star, Ms. Duff is beginning to outgrow her Lizzie-isms, showing signs of becoming a real actress. Having grown up on sound stages, Hilary has become close friends with movie cameras. Indeed, she may be the most photogenic child star since the young Elizabeth Taylor. She is a beauty and will no doubt be a gorgeous woman in a few years. But all too often actresses become overly conscious of their looks (especially when they#146;re only sixteen), which can limit acting muscles. No acting career survives on cuteness alone. Sincerity and truth are found under the skin. Therefore, if Ms. Duff#146;s management wants her to survive a fickle positioning on Hollywood#146;s wobbly celebrity rung, then its time to focus more on thespian skills than exploitive promoting. Though she is fine in this film, I would suggest she actually attend a performing arts school. As for the film #150; it#146;s terrific for teens and tweens. PG (Though I caught no harsh or profane language other than a few minor expletives, the expression #147;Oh my God#148; now a common euphemism among the young, is used frequently. A male student gets drunk, but is chastised by the lead for his behavior; One scene features a teen couple passionately kissing, then suddenly drops out of camera, presumably to further their new-found feelings. This is not the main couple. The lead is cautious and it is clear that she is not rushing into a relationship. A lie is at the center of the film#146;s premise, but it sets up the moral question. A car crash leads to the death of a family member. The director handles this situation and all the material with discretion.). Go to Phil Boatwright#146;s website at: www.moviereporter.com for details on how to have reviews of new films delivered directly to your e-mail address. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com DEFINITIONS Crudity - A word or action lacking in culture, tact Expletive - A mild obscenity or needless expression Obscenity - Objectionable or repugnant to acceptable standards of decency or morality; indecent; pornographic Profanity - Irreverence toward God Blasphemy - To speak contemptuously of God Adult subject matter - Situations or subjects unsuitable for or difficult to comprehend by children More >>

That's The Ticket: Discount Night At The Movies By Cheryl Gochnauer Cheryl@homebodies.org Copyright 2004 In less than a month, #147;Lord of the Rings: Return of the King#148; hauled in more than $300 million from moviegoers. Ecstatic reviews propelled audiences into theaters across the country, eager to enjoy Peter Jackson#146;s talented team delivering Oscar-caliber performances. Not to be an Orc about it, but the ca-ching of the Ring could have been held to only $298 million or so if ticket buyers had taken advantage of a multitude of discounts available to them. It only takes a change of hobbit #150; er, habit #150; to save money the next time you storm the walls of your local cinema. GO BEFORE 6:00 PM. Matinees ticket prices are usually a couple of dollars cheaper than for prime time shows. That means a family of four can visit the concession stand with $8 extra dollars in their pockets if they head for the theater after school instead of after dinner. LET AGE WORK FOR YOU. Children and seniors pay lower rates, as do students with current ID cards. Some drive-ins admit kids under 11 free. Don#146;t forget seasonal programs like Regal Cinema#146;s ( www.regalcinemas.com ) Family Film Festival and Dickinson#146;s ( www.dtmovies.com ) Summer Kids Movies pass featuring past G and PG-rated films. Sure, they#146;re already out on video, but it#146;s still great to see favorite films on the big screen. And at $1.50 or less per ticket, it#146;s a cheap way to entertain the tots. CHECK THOSE COUPON BOOKS. The next time a fundraising student appears on your doorstep selling Entertainment or Gold C books ( www.entertainment.com ), invite them in. Recent Gold C books included coupons for Cinemark ( www.cinemark.com ), AMC Theatres ( www.amctheatres.com ) and Regal Cinemas. The Entertainment book tends to expand these listings, adding even more movie houses. Also flip through those coupon pages in your phonebook to seek additional discounts. REWARD CARDS. Just like grocery stores, several nationwide theater chains reward repeat customers. Membership is free; ask for card applications at the box office. AMC MovieWatchers accumulate 2 points for every ticket purchased (limit 4 points per visit). As they hit 10-point thresholds, customers receive coupons for free drinks, popcorn or tickets. MovieWatchers also get free popcorn on Wednesdays, and can order advance tickets with no service fee. Many Dickinson Theaters feature the DT Movies Bonus Club Card. One point is awarded for each ticket purchased; moviegoers get free popcorn at 5 points and a free ticket at 10 points. Saving this much money may put you in the mood to return to the movies again. Have fun, and may the Frodo be with you. Comments? Contact Cheryl by writing Cheryl@homebodies.org . Also stop by www.homebodies.org , where you can interact with other parents on a variety of lively message boards. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com More >>

The Difference Between Men and Women by Candace Bahr, CEA, CDFA and Ginita Wall, CPA, CFPreg; www.WIFE.org www.MoneyClubs.com Until recently, the world of finances has been pretty much male dominated. And men and women think and learn very differently. For the most part, men don't enjoy group interaction and sharing. Men are more likely to go it alone, prizing independence and autonomy, while women seek interaction and chemistry. There are a number of scientific studies and findings that back up what we women have always intuitively known. Consider these: Men focus, women integrate. Studies show that men's brains are more localized, specialized and efficient at focusing. Women's are more distributed, connected and better at integrating. That's why so many women think holistically, and it explains their ability to pull together information, what we've always known as "women's intuition." Men compare, women share. Martha Barletta, an expert in gender focus marketing, has found that men relate to their friends by doing things together such as golfing, fishing, or going to ball games. Women, on the other hand, see sharing conversations as the primary point of getting together with friends. No matter what women do or where they go with their friends, they talk. They talk about people, family, and issues that are important to them. Men talk too. But when men talk, they talk about things or events, comparing performance and swapping scores. Men compete, women cooperate. Emory University recently studied women to see if they were more likely to cooperate or compete. But though they would earn more money by competing, the scientists found that most women engaged in cooperative strategy, helping each other to reach the goal. And when they cooperated, MRI scans showed their brains lit up with pleasure. Women love to help each other, and now we know why-we're wired for it! Under stress, men fight/flight, women tend/befriend. A study at UCLA found that under stress, men's bodies produce adrenaline, while women release oxytocin, a hormone that triggers an urge for interpersonal interaction and closeness. Women know that there's no one like a good girlfriend to talk to when you've had a bad day. Rather than going it alone, that's why women prefer to go to health clubs to work out, they join book clubs and gather to play bunco. Women join groups when they diet. We all know that this is a far more effective way for women to succeed. And now we've got Money Clubs for women, so we can help each other as we help ourselves. Cofounders sixteen years ago of the nonprofit Women#146;s Institute for Financial Education ( www.WIFE.org ) and the new MoneyClub for women ( www.MoneyClubs.com ), Candace Bahr, CEA, CDFA and Ginita Wall, CPA, CFPreg; are trusted financial guides for millions of women. As owner of her own investment management firm, Candace was recently recognized as one of the top ten brokers in the country for 2003 by Registered Rep magazine. Ginita has been named to Worth magazine#146;s Top Financial Advisors for seven years. Both authors are nationally-recognized experts on women and money and regularly appear on CNN and CNBC and in national financial and women#146;s publications. This article is excerpted from their new book It#146;s More Than Money#151;It#146;s Your Life! The New Money Club for Women (John Wiley, 2004). Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

How to Live a Creative Life By Christine Louise Hohlbaum www.DiaryofaMother.com Parents are the most creative people alive. Don#146;t think so? They create life, sustain it, and nurture it for years. In short, they turn cells into human beings, and rather likeable ones at that. Parents assist in the process of making a newborn into a child who then grows into a teen, then an adult. Somewhere along the line, a lot of parents often forget to foster other aspects of their creativity, the power of their youth which made them into kings and queens for an afternoon. How can we as parents regain a sense of the mystery within? It is simple, really. First, look at your children. We have built-in creativity machines in our midst. Learn from them. Observe how they can pretend four chairs and a blanket is a house. Wooden beads turn into a delicious meal. Sticks and rocks become log cabins and tiny treasures. If a random twig taken from a city park can be the bow for my daughter#146;s "arrow," then I might be able to come up with a few ideas of my own. Next, look at nature. The clouds resemble animals; the trees look like people. Birds forage the ground for food. They seek what they need to survive. An integral part of our lives is recognizing the creative spirit ordained to do great things. We need to seek what we require to survive as well. But how? When I speak to groups about time management, they usually agree that time is a rare commodity. Add children to the mix, and it seems near impossible to find a moment to yourself. If you are able, carve out an extra fifteen minutes per day to seek a moment of solitude. Silence is a key ingredient to nurturing your creative juices. Set the alarm 15 minutes earlier. Go to bed 15 minutes later and dedicate that time to your own thoughts. Take a lunch break by yourself and find a lone park bench. Keep a journal and record your inner emotions. Take creative dates with yourself, by yourself. If going to an expensive gift shop sets you on fire, do it. Nurturing your inner soul needn#146;t be expensive (so don#146;t buy anything at the gift shop#151;just browse!). Surround yourself with supportive people. Join a club which offers your area of interest, whether it is chess, gardening, skiing, or stamp-collecting. Set goals for yourself and write them down. Then make a timeline such as the following: "By the last Sunday of the month, I will have accomplished x, y, z#133;" If you need prompting, consider Julia Cameron#146;s book, "The Artist#146;s Way." I hold that book singularly responsible for jettisoning my writing career to the level it is today. It made me look into the mirror of my soul and see for the very first time the incredible potential I hold. You do, too. It is time to unearth your creative self and let it breathe. Christine Louise Hohlbaum, American author of Diary of a Mother: Parenting Stories and Other Stuff, has been published in hundreds of publications. When she isn#146;t writing, leading toddler playgroups or wiping up messes, she prefers to frolic in the Bavarian countryside near Munich where she lives with her husband and two children. Visit her Web site: www.DiaryofaMother.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Don't be Spooked by the Teacher! By Jodie Lynn www.ParentToParent.com Parent/Teacher conferences are right around the corner. I am not sure why they come right before Halloween, but it is a known fact that once school is in session for a short time, for most schools, the conferences will greet or beat Halloween. Q. Should kids go along to parent/teacher conferences? A. Ask the teacher what he/she prefers. Sometimes, it helps the child to hear the good and the bad straight from the teacher#146;s mouth. Additionally, if your child is younger than seven, they may not want to sit still long enough to benefit from the conference. However, if it is a performance review paired with an open house or something like an art show, it might benefit the child and be fun, too. A good rule of thumb is to leave the children at home unless the teacher invites them, at least for the first conference. Very few parents bring their children in on the first parent/teacher conference. Nevertheless, sometimes, especially during the second time around and their grades are slipping, it helps to let them hear what the teacher has to say. For example, children, and this means teens too, that are failing certain subjects can hear exactly what the teacher thinks may be taking place. There is nothing worse than going home and trying to explain to your child what the teacher said the problem was and what you think it is and then hearing something totally different from the child. Taking your kid along for the second go around is the perfect opportunity for the parent and teacher to hear what the child has to say about it as well. Nine times out of ten, it is not what you were told or what you thought the problem was. (Amazing, isn't it?) It's also a great opportunity for everyone to become involved in offering suggestions to fix the problem without blaming or using one person against the other for excuses. Last year I heard one student tell his mom that he was embarrassed to be following her around from one room to the other; she simply replied, and loud enough for anyone within earshot to hear, that if that was the case, then she guessed he wouldn't be failing the same subjects next time...now would he? I loved it because I knew that the mom was a stay-at-home mom and could stay right on top of all homework assignments her children had. In fact, as she was going into the conference room, I heard her introduce herself by beginning the introduction saying, "Hello, I am Tom's mom -- I stay at home and know exactly what is up with his homework. Now, about that low grade in the last essay..." Tips to get ready: To get ready for a conference and to adhere to your time slot, ask your child if there are any concerns two days before the conference. Make a list of those concerns as well as any of your own. Read your child#146;s concerns and ask about any you do not understand. If there are bully issues, get full details. Do not blame anyone for anything until you have heard the full story. Stay positive, talk about the good points of the situation, and let the teacher know you are willing to work together for the success of your child. Follow through with suggestions and talk to your child about a plan on improving specific areas. Maybe having the conferences right before Halloween is timed precisely right -- this way, you can calmly mention any outstanding book reports, essays or other timely projects that need to be done by -- you guessed it, Halloween! No completed assignment, no trick or treating. Of course, you have to follow through on the consequences, so be careful of empty threats. After all, I don#146;t know even one single adult who doesn#146;t enjoy the treats of Halloween. Note: You asked for a Mom, CEO logo and now we have it on great merchandise at the www.ParentToParent.com site. ALL MOMS ARE WORKING MOMS! Jodie Lynn is an internationally syndicated parenting/family columnist. Her latest paperback book is Mommy-CEO, revised edition, Martin-Ola Press . (It's not just for moms!) -- check out her new e-book, "Syndication Secrets" at www.ParentToParent.com for more details. We now have new Mommy, CEO merchandise and logo! copy;2004 Jodie Lynn. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Three Wishes By Christine Louise Hohlbaum www.DiaryofaMother.com My mother had three wishes when we were young. That we all bear children who behave as we did, that she occasionally get ten minutes to herself, and that her house were permanently clean (and not by her own doing). They are most likely wishes that every mother has had at one point or another in her career of active motherhood. When I first had children, I really didn#146;t think much about my mother#146;s wishes. I was busy feeling overwhelmed, ill-equipped, and sleep-deprived. Once the dust settled and we had a routine, I began to see more clearly what was going on in my life. And then it happened. I didn#146;t mean for it to. I broke my vow. No, not a marital one. We#146;re just as happy as we were ten years ago on that hot August day when we both said "I do." Something else happened. I wished Sophia to have a daughter just like her. Aloud. In broad daylight. With witnesses. Okay, so it was just her three-year-old brother, but he heard it. So did I. My mother used to say to me, "I hope you have a daughter just like you!" She would use her sing-song voice, the voice struggling for control over the desire to throttle her kid for doing what kids do best: drive their parents to the verge of insanity. I heard it so often that, while she never said it with malice, I had the sense it wasn#146;t a good thing to wish something like that on another person. Especially if that other person is slightly whiny. Or impatient. Or, well, a pain. The other day I said it to my daughter, Sophia. Many times before I have wanted to say it and have not. I bit my tongue and did not yield to the temptation. But then, in a flash, I had to make a decision. She wanted a yogurt. I opened one and put it in front of her. She grinned and said, "I don#146;t want yogurt. I want melon." Gracefully, I turned on my heel and took in a breath. My lips parted ever so slightly and the thought jumped to my mind. Do not get angry. Get even. I wheeled around and grinned back at my angelic child sitting daintly at the kitchen table and uttered the words, "I hope you have a daughter#133;JUST#133;LIKE#133;YOU!" She smiled and nodded in agreement. Lol! She knows not what I am saying, I thought. Since that day, the dam has been broken. I have said it twice since that fateful afternoon when I dangled on the precipice between sane and mentally infirm. It is perhaps an unnecessary self-flagellation. My daughter#146;s face lights up every time when I say it. She probably thinks I wish her all the best--which I do. All the best entails growing and learning. As parents, we are faced with those challenges every day. If "all the best" involves a bit of personal stretching, by golly! I wish the best for my children. And ten minutes to myself. And a clean house to boot. Christine Louise Hohlbaum, American author of Diary of a Mother: Parenting Stories and Other Stuff, has been published in hundreds of publications and has appeared on NPR twice. When she isn#146;t writing, leading toddler playgroups or wiping up messes, she prefers to frolic in the Bavarian countryside near Munich where she lives with her husband and two children. Visit her Web site: www.DiaryofaMother.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com More >>

Teaching an "Only" Child to Share Jodie Lynn www.ParentToParent.com A stay at home mom recently brought up a scenario that I frequently hear about in one-child families. Here is her dilemma: Her son does not have any brothers or sisters and has been at home with her up until just recently. Now that school has started, he has gotten even worse about sharing. When he goes over to someone#146;s house, it does not take long before he wants to come home and play with "his" toys. When he has friends over, he will pull the toy or book away if the other child tries to play with it. To tell the truth, I do not think this is a challenge that runs amuck in one-child families. It might be noticed more quickly, but all parents go through similar situations. Make sure you understand the reason why your son does not like to share. Sometimes children may not know how to answer this and appear rude and selfish. Role-play. During role-playing, something said or done may click and you will understand his position. This does not mean you have to agree with it. It just provides you with more information so you can help him to help himself. Try to check out the rules about sharing at school, outside activities or even at other children's houses. If others are not sharing, politely ask why and then explain it to your child. Maybe he is just doing what is being done to him and this is the way he is learning about the process. Don't force your son to share special items. Have a box ready to keep these out of sight when others come over. Personally take the box and put it in a safe place from everyone including your son. If he is too young to understand this, do not let him see you do it. You can always bring the items out after the friend has gone home. Find out who is coming over and how they play. If it is an "active" child, plan a few activities away from breakables and allow for a shorter playtime. Don't make a big deal out of the situation. Change the subject and keep things moving. Remember to catch your son in the act of displaying acceptable behavior, give plenty of hugs and praise when he does share. It is actually OK for you not to make him share every single toy or book in his room when a friend comes over to play. Rule number three works really well by labeling a box "special" and putting it up before kids come over. They will never see the box of toys or books and if the play date is kept short, your child may not even ask for them. If he does, say, "If I get out your special box of toys, your friend gets to play with them too. Do you agree to do this?" Rule of thumb: He may not share even if he says he will until around age four or so. Be prepared to have to put the box back away and divert their attention to a new activity that will require both of them to become involved with "hands-on." Jodie Lynn is an internationally syndicated parenting/family columnist. Her latest paperback book is Mommy-CEO , revised edition, Martin-Ola Press. (It's not just for moms!) -- check out her new e-book, "Syndication Secrets" at ParentToParent.com for more details. We now have new Mommy, CEO merchandise and logo! copy;2004 Jodie Lynn. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>