Flu Fighting Foods By Elizabeth Yarnell www.gloriousonepotmeals.com Winter doesn't have to mean the misery of colds, flu and other viral infections if you feed your body what it needs to fight them off. A run-down body that is out of balance internally and externally provides an inviting environment for viruses to come in and stay for a while. While it is difficult to live in a society and not come into contact with the multitude of germs that are literally everywhere during the winter months, you can reduce your own susceptibility and strengthen your immune system by simply choosing the right foods to put on your plate. Eat leafy greens every day. Kale, spinach, seaweed and algae are excellent sources of vitamin D, the immunity-booster we usually get from sunshine in the summertime. Along with contributing to a stronger defense against coughing colleagues, recent studies indicate that higher vitamin D levels can benefit ailments as diverse as osteoporosis and multiple sclerosis. Include kiwis, grapefruit or orange juice in your daily routine. All are great sources of vitamin C, the antioxidant we've known for decades to be powerful in fighting colds and flu. It's also found in cabbage, bell peppers, tomatoes, cayenne pepper and broccoli. Snack on almonds and sunflower seeds. Not only do they supply vitamin E, an antioxidant that fights off free radicals and keeps skin soft and young-looking, but they are a great source of essential fatty acids to keep body systems running smoothly. Enjoy your garlic! The stinky bulb was once worn in a garland to ward off disease, a superstition that actually has scientific basis as eating garlic can provide a variety of health benefits, including a boost to the immune system that can help ward off nasty bugs. Besides, eating garlic usually ensures that people keep a bit of distance - always a desirable action for avoiding contagion with a flu virus! Spike it with ginger. Ginger, long used as a folk remedy, can open nasal passages, soothe nausea and help the immune system work. Finally, don't overlook the power of complex carbohydrates from whole grains, sweet potatoes and beans. Our bodies need complex carbs for energy, and when not enough are present it begins cannibalizing other tissues for the power needed to function. This creates a deficit somewhere else in the body, weakening the defenses along the line and opening a toehold for invading germs. Try this easy, immunity-boosting one-pot meal full of cold- and flu-fighting foods. Eat it in good health! Cajun Fish with Spinach Serves 4. Ingredients 2 med. sweet potatoes frac12; onion, peeled and sliced thinly frac12; - frac34;lb. white fish (catfish, sole, cod, halibut, tilapia...) Creole or Cajun seasoning 3-5 whole garlic cloves, peeled 4 cups spinach or kale leaves, chopped roughly 8 small Roma tomatoes, washed quartered Instructions Preheat oven to 450 degrees F. Spray inside of 4-quart cast iron Dutch oven and underside of lid with olive oil or canola oil spray. Scrub sweet potato well and cut out any bad spots or eyes. Slice into frac12;" rounds. Line base of pot with onions. Wash fish and pat dry with paper towels. Lay the fish over the onions in the bottom of the pot. Sprinkle the top side liberally with Cajun seasoning mix according to taste. Layer potatoes, garlic, onions, and tomatoes, interspersing sprinkles of spices as desired. Top with spinach. Pack in as many vegetables as possible without compromising the seal when the lid is closed. Cover and bake for 35-45 minutes, or until fish flakes easily. You should smell the aroma wafting from the oven that tells you everything is done. Wait 3 minutes until it is more of a full-bodied, finished meal aroma. Serve immediately. Elizabeth Yarnell is a Certified Nutritional Consultant, MS patient, inventor and author of the award-winning cookbook, Glorious One-Pot Meals: A new quick healthy approach to Dutch oven cooking. Her recipes are protected by US patent 6,846,504. Visit Elizabeth online and subscribe to her free newsletter at www.gloriousonepotmeals.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Diet with Your Girlfriends: A Key to Successful Weight Loss By Kenneth Schwarz, Ph.D, and Julie Schwarz www.mariaslastdiet.com Do you talk with other women about food and weight? Do you really talk, or do you only speak about it superficially?what diet you are currently on, what you ate today, how you cheated, how much you've lost or not lost? Do you ever really talk about what you go through in relation to your eating and your weight? Do you think you could share your secrets as you diet with another woman? If you haven't done this, it could be a great support system for you. When you team up with another woman, you can bounce things off one another. You can check out your thinking. You can look to your diet buddy for new ideas. You can give one another added strength, confidence, and hope. Here's how to partner up when you diet. Decide how you will meet?on the phone, through email, in person. Decide how often you will talk. It's good to set up a special time at least once a week and keep to it. Pick a question of the day to discuss from the following: Do we feel safe enough with one another to really open up? You can share your apprehensions about discussing very personal matters and make each other feel comfortable enough to talk about real issues. How much do we want to fix our weight problems? You can confirm your desire to lose weight and discuss what things about the problem are most troubling. How critical are we of ourselves and others? Being self-critical is an important issue for women. You can help by supporting one another and not being critical of one another. What has really been keeping us overweight? You can encourage one another to find true answers. How can we best help one another? You can ask each other for what you really need. What are our biggest secrets about our eating? Sharing those things you are most ashamed of gets rid of a big burden. What's the hardest part of dieting for us? You can help one another over all the rough spots. Do we have confidence in our ability to lose weight? Through mutual support, you can greatly boost your confidence. How can we stay motivated? Together you can create strategies to help you stick to it. These are conversation openers for you. It is around issues such as these that women can really bond, really support and inspire one another. As you become a stronger dieting team, you will come up with other important questions to add to this list. You will find a deep well of knowledge and strategies to dip into when you pool your resources with another woman in this way. It can't be stressed enough how important it is to pick a diet partner who won't let you down. Many times women go on diets together, and too often one will do well, one is making a serious effort, and one is not. That is hard on the diet effort and it can also be very hard on a friendship. This is a serious endeavor and it won't help you at all if the woman you team up with takes it lightly and is not brave enough to explore the issues at hand. Pick someone you truly like, someone you are comfortable with, someone you think will have the utmost respect for your innermost thoughts and feelings. Choose a woman whom you consider honest and straightforward, someone who will take this journey to permanent weight loss as seriously as you do. Establish this relationship with a partner who is worthy of you, someone who won't judge you, someone who will have sensitivity to what you feel, what you think, and who you are. Choose someone to whom you can say things directly, someone who will be direct with you as well. Choose a partner who is just as interested as you are in having meaningful discussions. Find another woman who is up to your standards in every way. Dr. Kenneth Schwarz, a psychologist and psychoanalyst practicing in Connecticut, and his wife Julie are the founders of www.mariaslastdiet.com , a website offering strategies and support for diet success. Dr. Schwarz provides tools to help women succeed regardless of which diet they choose. Sign up for their free newsletter and receive ongoing support for total diet success. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

3 Tips For A Seductively Healthy Valentine's Dinner by Elizabeth Yarnell What can you do to make a special Valentine's Day Dinner for your sweetie? Make it hot, make it healthy, and make it easy! First, make it hot! Studies show that spicy foods can raise your heart rate, cause flushing, and generally mimic some of the effects of sexual stimulation. For centuries, chiles and other heat-inducing ingredients have been added to love potions and other sensual aids to increase desire. What's a better aphrodisiac than showing someone that you love them enough to prepare deliciously healthy foods? Pomegranates, those exotic fruits containing a multitude of sensual, fleshy seeds inside a thick rind, not only offer the luscious crimson color but also come packed with antioxidants and phytochemicals to keep you in top lovin' form. Brown rice offers all the benefits of a whole grain, and the parboiled "quick cooking" kinds make preparing it quick and easy as all of these strategies will come to naught if you're spending all evening in the kitchen making supper instead of spooning morsels into each other's mouths. And, come to think of it, facing a train-wrecked kitchen after dinner can be a surefire mood killer as well. Try this fabulously different recipe on your honey for Valentine's Day. It's sweetly spicy, inherently healthy, and couldn't be easier to prepare or clean up. Piri-Piri is an African term for hot and spicy. Control the amount of fire by adjusting the amount of cayenne pepper. This recipe is presented as mild-to-medium heat. Piri-Piri Pomegranate Chicken Serves 2 Ingredients 1 cup parboiled brown rice 1 cup water or broth 2-3 pieces chicken frac12; cup ketchup 2 Tbsp. honey 2 Tbsp. pomegranate molasses 2 Tbsp. fresh lemon juice 2 cloves garlic, chopped frac14; tsp. cayenne Salt, to taste 18-20 Brussels sprouts, trimmed with shallow "x" cut into stem end 1 frac12; cup baby carrots, halved 1 cup oyster mushrooms, sliced thickly frac12; pomegranate, seeded Parsley Instructions Preheat oven to 450 degrees F. Spray inside of 2-quart Dutch oven and lid with olive oil. Pour rice into pot and add liquid. Stir gently to coat grains and smooth into an even layer. Set chicken pieces in next in a single layer. In a small bowl, mix together ketchup, honey, molasses, lemon juice, garlic and cayenne pepper. Drizzle 1/2 mixture over top of chicken. Drop in Brussels sprouts and carrots. Pour rest of mixture over all. Top with mushrooms and pomegranate seeds. Cover and bake for about 45 minutes, or about 3 minutes after the aroma wafts from the oven. Notes You can use any combination of boneless, bone-in, skinless, or skin-on chicken pieces in this recipe. Look for pomegranate molasses in specialty or health food groceries. Elizabeth Yarnell is a Certified Nutritional Consultant, MS patient, inventor and author of the award-winning cookbook, Glorious One-Pot Meals: A new quick healthy approach to Dutch oven cooking. Her recipes are protected by US patent 6,846,504. Visit Elizabeth online and subscribe to her free newsletter at www.gloriousonepotmeals.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com More >>

Makeover Your Child's Reaction to Stress By Patti Teel www.pattiteel.com MAKEOVER your child's reaction to stress; the benefits will last a lifetime! "Modern over stimulation rocks the children of our nation.Too much, too soon, too loud, too quick-the din is making our kids sick.But rested bodies and relaxed minds can be attained in modern times.And though the din won't go away, we can help kids thrive today." (P Teel) Many, if not most of our children's problems come from their inability to deal with stress in a healthy way. But a child is unlikely to know when he or she is overstressed and it's up to the parents to watch for tell-tale signs which may include: difficulties with sleep, health, mood and learning. Physical symptoms of stress or anxiety in children may include: recurring headaches, stomach pain and nausea, sleep disturbances, nightmares, bedwetting, decreased appetite and stuttering. Emotional symptoms of stress or anxiety in children may include: moodiness, difficulty with concentration (spaciness), scary thoughts, a tendency to worry a lot, low self-esteem, restlessness, clinging, aggression, stubbornness, not wanting to participate in family or school activities, being easily upset: crying, whining or excessive anger. If parents suspect that their child is over-stressed or anxious, they would be wise to simplify their child's life by cutting back on extracurricular activities and creating a home environment that is a sanctuary from the outside world. Each child is unique and even in the same family the number of activities that could be overwhelming for one child, might be quite comfortable for another. However, it's never possible to eliminate stress completely and we cannot (and should not) protect our children from every difficult experience. We can though, help our children to recognize and face their anxious feelings and react to them in a healthy way. Ways to Help Kids De-Stress Teach them to relax. Practice the 3 R's: teach kids to rest their bodies, relax their minds and refresh their spirits. Take a few minutes each day to practice self-soothing relaxation techniques such as progressive relaxation, attending to the breath, and visualization. Anticipate problems that are likely to occur and give your children a chance use their self-calming skills. Have a cue that quickly and privately signals a child to use his relaxation skills to become calm or to focus. It could be a word, or a physical cue. Teach them to be active. Try to ensure that your child has at least thirty minutes of moderate-intensity exercise each day. Be a role model for an active lifestyle. Find fun, outdoor activities that you can do together as a family. Do slow sustained stretches in the evening before bed. Teach them to turn it off. Limit television and video viewing time, as well as time spent playing video or computer games. Monitor TV shows, avoiding violent shows, those that are fast paced, and material that is inappropriate for your child's age and level of maturity. Turn all electronic equipment off at least an hour before bed. Dubbed "The Dream Maker" by People magazine, Patti Teel is a former teacher. She has created an award winning children's audio series and is the author of The Floppy Sleep Game Book , which gives parents techniques to help their children relax, deal with stress or fall asleep. To learn more and to subscribe to Patti's newsletter, visit her online at www.pattiteel.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

How You Can Help Your Child Form Their Own Identity By Sally Sacks www.sallysacks.com Children develop their identity by learning to know what they like about their environment, their way of dressing, their way of relating to others and the world. In order for children to develop an identity of their own, parents, the children's earliest programmers, must sponsor this development of identity by being aware of your child's actions and behaviors, and what those tell you about him/her. For example if your child has a cluttered room, and has to save everything, you probably have a sentimental child that doesn't like to part with things. If you cleaned your child's room and threw away "the junk" that they had too much of, you might be ignoring who your child is as a person. Children, not unlike adults, show their identity in many ways They show it through their pictures in their room, through the friends they like to associate with, through their dress, food choices, activity choices etc. They are giving us the clues about who they are, as well as taking from us certain things they admire, and incorporating those into their identity. Many parents, due to a lack of awareness, forget to ask children important questions that can give clues to their child's belief system, and value system, and really help them to sponsor a healthy sense of self in their child. For example, Miriam didn't like her daughter's taste in clothing, because it was different than hers, and she wasn't taught in her family to have her own identity. Every holiday she would buy her daughter what she liked, and the daughter wouldn't wear it. Mom would be disappointed and her daughter felt guilty. Leigh, the child, read magazines that mom disapproved of. Mom would get angry that her daughter was reading the magazine. However Mom never thought to ask her daughter what she liked about the magazine. That would give a clue as to why she was reading it, Mom simply didn't know to do this. I asked my son the other day what he liked so much about sports, and got such clues to his personality. It was great. He liked the teamwork, the goal setting, the movement, the success. This not only tells you about sports, it tells you about the child. Emotional awareness is becoming aware of who your child is, and offering them support in growing that self into a very well formed identity that will offer them the ability to make positive choices and decisions in their lives. To sponsor this healthy identity you need to: Be aware of your child's actions and behaviors and what that tells you about them. Ask questions about why they chose a topic, or picked an outfit, or read a certain book or magazine. Ask objectively without judgment. Give them choices about activities they would like to participate in. Offer them food and clothes choices, within reason of course. Compliment them on their personal style. Listen to their ideas openly, and don't force your ideas on them. Offer them suggestions, without controlling their ideas and behaviors. Make sure you know your identity, and have the confidence to let your child have theirs without criticism and judgment. Create activities that help them identify who they are. Recently my daughters made collages. They cut out pictures of everything that symbolized them, and then reviewed each others. Then they personalized it even more and hung them over their bed. Have them create a family party .or one with some friends. Ask them to plan it and design what they want. What kind of food, music atmosphere would they like? The healthy identity of a child is their key to knowing and seeking what they want in life. Sally Sacks, M.Ed is a licensed psychotherapist, with 20 years of experience, counseling individuals, children, families and couples. Sally is the author of How to Raise the Next President , a groundbreaking parents' guide to teaching and instilling in their kids the qualities they'll need to be happy, successful and productive, no matter which path they choose in life. Sally offers personal and group coaching and can be reached through her website at www.sallysacks.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Comforting Your Fearful Preschooler By Dr. Caron B. Goode www.acpi.biz Have you ever woken from a dream that was so vivid you had to convince yourself it wasn't real? During those first unsure moments you are unable to separate dream from reality. Eventually, past experience allows you to ground yourself in the here and now. Unfortunately for preschool children, they lack this experience and often suffer at the hands of irrational fears and nightmares. Preschool children do not have the ability to distinguish between fantasy and reality. In their minds if they experience it, it is real. For me, this fact was driven home after my four year-old spent the evening with a neighbor. My friend and next door neighbor, Sharon, invited my daughter to her house for movie night. They ordered pizza, fired up the VCR, and settled in for a little one-on-one time. When I picked my daughter up, she was unusually quiet. I just assumed she was tired from her girls' night in. The rest of the night was uneventful and quiet. Too quiet. Normally, my daughter postponed bedtime with endless requests for stories, drinks of water, and questions. That night, after her story, she turned to the wall and I didn't hear another peep from her. Like I said, too quiet. The following morning she peered at me over her cereal bowl and asked, "Why doesn't my heart glow?" Hmm. I responded with, "But your heart does glow. It glows when you laugh and when you smile." Not completely satisfied with the answer, she went back to contemplating her oatmeal. We rinsed the dishes and dressed for the day. While helping wrestle on her sweatshirt, I noticed my daughter seemed apprehensive. Her head was bowed and she was staring at her bare chest. I was stumped, and asked if there was something wrong. "I can't see my heart glow," she replied. "When the light goes out you die. I don't want to die." Figuring one of the older neighborhood children had told her a tall tale; I assured her that her heart did glow and that she was not going to die. "But it doesn't," she spit back. "I watched it all night, and my heart doesn't glow. Not like E.T.'s, and when his light went out he died. Ask Sharon. She saw it too." Sharon. Movie night. E.T. Now everything was starting to make sense. My daughter did not question what she saw in the movie. She saw it, therefore, it was real. What she did question was what she didn't see, a light beam in her chest. She had stayed up all night searching for it in the dark. When it didn't materialize, she assumed she was dying, like E.T. I cradled my fearful four year-old and explained that it was just a movie and that movies were make believe. The look on her face told me she wasn't buying it, so I quickly changed tactics. "E.T. is an extra terrestrial," I said. "Do you know what that is?" When she shook her head no, tears sprinkled my face. "An extra terrestrial is a person from another planet. You don't look like E.T., do you? No. That is because you and E.T. are made differently. You have long blonde hair and he doesn't. He has crooked fingers and you don't. His heart glows and yours doesn't." Then I held her, massaged her head, told her I saw her heart glow everyday I loved her. It took a while, but eventually my daughter stopped looking for her heart light. Her search and her fear, however, reiterated to me that preschoolers are very literal people. What they encounter, whether it is a dream, a movie or a book, is real to them. Therefore, it is important that parents exercise empathy and approach any fears with a literal awareness. Here are few tips that will help you comfort your fearful preschooler. Monitor Your Child's Exposure. One way to handle fears is to head them off at the pass. When choosing a book, movie or television show for your child, preview it first. Look for fantastical images or ideas that may be frightful for a young child. Try to imagine how you would respond to the material if you could not distinguish fantasy from reality. Adult Reasoning is not Comforting. Preschool children do not have the mental processes necessary to understand adult reasoning. Therefore, to tell them a movie is make believe, a book is just a story or a dream didn't really happen is not comforting. It is what you know to be true, but it is not your child's truth. Instead, concentrate on comforting your child with empathy. Tell them you understand that they are scared and that fear is an awful feeling. Let them know that you are there with them and will protect them for as long as it takes for the fear to subside. Use Soothing Words and Comforting Touch. When your child is afraid, use soothing words and comforting touch to calm them. If your child has a nightmare, sit with him and massage his temples or stomach until he is able to return to sleep. Use low, smooth tone of voice to tell him he is loved, and know that simply having a parent with him until the fear passes makes your child feel safe and cared for. Be Respectful. While a child's fear may seem silly to you, it is very serious for them. Respect that and honor your child's fear. If you downplay it or tell the child they are being ridiculous, you are teaching them to not trust themselves. Fear is fear, no matter how irrational it may seem. Since preschool children can not differentiate between fantasy and reality, helping them overcome their fears can be challenging. Letting your child know he is loved, protected, and cared for can go a long way towards banishing his fears. That and the empathy that comes from remembering the weeks you spent hiding from flying monkeys after seeing the Wizard of Oz . Dr. Caron B. Goode is the founder of the Academy for Coaching Parents International, a training and certification program for parent coaches. In addition to duties with the academy, Goode is the founding editor of the website www.InspiredParenting.net , and the author of ten books, the most recent of which is Nurture Your Child's Gift . For more information on The Academy for Coaching Parents International or to sign up for academy announcements, visit www.acpi.biz . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Why Is the Teacher Giving My Kid MM's? By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller www.chickmoorman.com Six-year-old Carlos Melendez stood in line waiting as his first-grade teacher bid farewell to her students at the end of the school day during the second week of school. She was completing her ritual of placing a sticker on the hand of every child who had been good that day. As she reached out to give Carlos a sticker, he informed her, "I don't need a sticker to know when I've been good. I can tell on the inside." When Carlos's teacher complained about his attitude at parent/teacher conferences, Carlos's parents told her his statement was correct. They politely informed the teacher that Carlos's motivation to do well in school came from the inside and they preferred that she no longer use stickers with him. Karyn Murphy's parents recently received a letter from their child's third-grade teacher. It explained how many books their daughter would need to read in order to attend the class pizza party at the end of the month. The pizza party was the reward children would be receiving for their reading efforts. The letter instructed the parents to sign a form verifying her books and number of pages read. Karyn's parents returned the form to the teacher, accompanied by a letter of their own. It said, "Our daughter reads because she loves reading. Your program of rewarding children with pizza for reading teaches children that the reason to read is to earn an external reward. We feel this undermines her internal motivation of wanting to read for adventure, fun, and personal interest. We, as Karyn's parents, are not interested in a quick-fix style of motivation that results in many books read quickly to obtain a reward. We are interested in creating a lifelong reader. Pizza parties will not attain that result. Please know that we will continue to encourage Karyn's interest in reading our way and that we will not be recording the number of books she reads. We expect that she will be allowed to attend the party with her classmates." The parents in the scenarios above represent a growing number who are speaking and acting out concerning their dissatisfaction with the escalating educational practice of distributing stars, stickers, smiley faces, grades and other external goodies in order to control how children act. Most parents know that rewards produce short-term compliance. Any parent who has ever offered a child a trip to the movies if they clean their room knows that. And external rewards are incredibly easy to use. The problem is that many parents and some teachers do not know that external rewards do not produce lasting change. In fact, these extrinsic reward systems often have the reverse effect. They teach children that the reason to act responsibly, read, study, or behave altruistically is to get rewarded. This fails to help children develop an internal reason to do the desired behavior. So when the reward is ended so does the behavior. An increasing number of parents are beginning to realize that the more rewards are used, the more they are needed in the future, and as children grow in age and size, it is necessary to increase the size of the reward. These parents are concerned because the quick-fix control systems of rewards often used in schools teach that learning is something one does to get an MM, a gold star, or your name on the board rather than as something that is important for its own sake. If intrinsic motivation has been carefully nurtured by the parent and does exist within a child, it is overridden as children learn to rely on the external control offered by teachers looking for quick and easy answers to their frustrations. Offering children rewards for acting responsibly, learning a number of spelling words, or sitting silently at the school assembly assumes that these students have no interest in acting that way without the rewards. It shows a lack of trust of children and an unwillingness on the part of the adult to invest the time necessary to give reasons, teach the desired behaviors, or display patience while children learn from their mistakes. Rewards are being used by teachers who are looking for an easy way out, a way that does not require teaching children the compelling whys to do the desired behavior. Rewards only create a temporary change in behavior. They do not alter what children believe or how they feel about an activity. They do not create self-motivated, self-directed, critical-thinking, reasoning children with a strong internal set of values. Rewards teach children to do what is necessary to get the reward and no more. Creativity, thoroughness, and risk taking suffer. Children learn to play it safe, take shortcuts, and get done. Parents like the Melendez's, and Murphy's are beginning to ask questions about the practice of dispensing rewards. Are the teachers who use them developing self-responsible children or youngsters who obey without thinking? Have the teachers thought about the long-term effects of the practice, or are rewards just a convenient way to gain compliance? How interesting and relevant is the assigned task if the teacher has to give my child a reward to do it? The Melendez's and Murphy's have moved past just asking the question, why is the teacher giving my kid MM's? They are doing something about it. Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman are the authors of The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or to obtain more information about how they can help you or your family, visit their website today: www.personalpowerpress.com Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com More >>

Moving Mom and Dad By Cheryl Riggs www.lifecheckonline.com Helping your parents move from the home they have lived in for many years is difficult. Normally, this move is not made by choice, but due to the death of a spouse, an illness, accident or other negative event. It also often signifies the loss of independence if they are being moved in with a adult child or into a community setting. No, making this transition is not easy, but it can be manageable if you keep these things in mind. Keep the Memories Before you begin the process of dismantling the house, have someone take lots of photos. Every family seems to have one person who enjoys putting together albums, so give them these house photos, and some older photos of family activities that have taken place in the home through the years. Assign them the task of putting together a small (no larger than 6" x 8") album that can be given to your parents as they settle into their new home. This album will be a comfort when they miss their house and help them recall good time within its walls. If they are moving to a community setting, this album can also be shown as an introduction to other people as they establish friendships. Schedule Time to Plan If your parent is moving from a long term residence, there will almost certainly be a built up accumulation of stuff. Thinking that it can all be sorted out in a few days when your siblings are in from out of town is unrealistic and will lead to overly tired cranky disagreements about "who gets what". It is better to schedule a few hours when mom or dad can help and get a general idea of what will be moved, thrown or given to a specific person. This session is the highest and best use of sticky notes - use them liberally on every item as it is discussed. At this point, do not argue with your parent if he or she wishes to take more than will fit where they are going or they want to get rid of antiques and move press-board furniture. It's their stuff and their life - let it go. Even in cases where dementia is present, making these decisions together will make the process easier for everyone and provide needed closure for your parent. Taking the time to do a scale drawing of the new residence prior to this session may also be helpful in the decision making process. It will be a visual reminder of the fact that as much as your mom would like to keep her dining room hutch, the space will not permit it. You can then help her decide which member of the family would be the most appropriate as the recipient. There is no shame in renting a storage unit for a short time until final decisions or distribution can be accomplished. Just make sure that someone is in charge of paying the rent and you assign a timeline for completing the task. Get Some Help Unless you have a patient relative who can devote many hours to the process, it is often wise to hire help. If you are a member of a church or other community group, there may be a stay-at-home mom or older woman who is available to help. You are looking for someone with great organizational skills who can handle the physical aspects of moving and can work well with your parents. A church group or non-profit organization may also have volunteers willing to work on a garage sale if you are willing to donate a portion of the proceeds. Two professional organizations are also available. The National Association of Senior Move Managers is a group that specializes in assisting families with this process, they are online at www.nasmm.com . The National Association of Professional Organizers also has members who specialize in helping organize a move. They can be found at www.napo.net . Both of these organizations have members that can also help dispose of unwanted merchandise and organize an estate or yard sale which may help pay for their fees. They may also provide move in and set up services in your parent's new home which can especially helpful. Having an outside person involved can help ease family tensions as they will provide a go between during this stressful time. Face it with a Smile Even the most meticulous of housekeepers may let down their standards if they are ill or their eyesight is failing. Therefore, when you move a piece of furniture and find more dust than Oklahoma in the 1920's, it may be hard not to react negatively. Be kind and try not to make a big deal about anything including personal medical supplies, 28 years of stored newspapers, or food in the pantry older than you are. Having people rummage through their bathroom cabinet is probably more embarrassing for them than for you. Helping your parents retain their dignity through this process should be a goal that you take seriously. After all, they were there for you through your teen fashion years - you owe them. Your acceptance and a big smile on your face, even when you don't feel it on the inside, will make this transition easier for you and your parents. It's not an easy task, but handle it with love and compassion. Cheryl Riggs is the owner of RCI Consulting, LLC and is committed to helping families cope with aging and preparing for the future. Her 20 years of experience in non-profit and small business management gives her a broad base of knowledge in many areas. She is a Certified Senior Advisor with a degree in Business Administration from Azusa Pacific University, a Master's of Science in Gerontology from USC, a credential in Fundraising from the University of California Riverside and a member of the National Association of Professional Organizers and is a licensed Realtor in California. For more information visit www.lifecheckonline.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

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Fighting Fair: Three Rules to Keep in Mind James Bardot www.angrydivorces.com Shakespeare's oft-quoted line, "All's fair in love and war," may be true, but it shouldn't be interpreted as license to do whatever we feel like-at least not if having a happy marriage is our goal. If you want to be happily wed, you will need to establish and follow some basic ground rules for resolving your differences. We might call this Fighting Fair. When a man and woman join together in matrimony, differences will invariably arise, but like two coaches, two business heads, or two civic leaders, though their points of view may disagree sharply, they are still joined in a common goal, which is to promote and support their organization. Likewise, in marriage, when disagreements arise, the end goal of spouses should be to resolve those differences in a way that will strengthen, not weaken their union. Yes, it can be challenging sometimes, very challenging, but that's a truism of any worthy endeavor in life. No one rises to the top of their career without a continuous application of effort. And even then, one false step can undo years of dedicated work. It's a delicate balance and one that requires constant vigilance, but the end product-a happy marriage-will yield dividends far beyond the efforts we put in. It's really not that complicated. In fact, all you need to do is agree on a few simple guidelines. Most couples find that this requires only three: First, know that any healthy resolution of problems is going to require the participation of both spouses. One person alone can't do it. You could liken it to two people carrying a stone; if one side lets go, the rock will surely fall-and falling rocks cause damage. Simply put, without a mutual desire to succeed as couple, the relationship has little hope of surviving. The second rule requires that you not let your conflicts spill over into attacks on your partner. Sneers, criticisms, insults, "the silent treatment" and other ploys designed to hurt the other person will only intensify your differences and drive you further apart. The third rule of Fighting Fair is to keep it private. Nobody wants their dirty laundry aired in front of others, and violating this rule becomes especially painful when our private affairs (and faults) are exposed by someone we love. Of course it will help tremendously if these rules are established early on, before bad habits have a chance to fester, but more importantly, spouses must honor not just the rules, but their intent as well. For instance, if one of the ground rules is to not shout at each other, and instead of shouting, one spouse walks out of the room in anger, it's obvious to all that the rule-respecting the other person's opinion-has been violated. Once these three boundaries (working out problems together, showing respect towards each other, and keeping it private) have been established, the actual mechanics of problem solving can take any number of forms. For example, one couple agreed on the day they married never to go to sleep until every disagreement between them had been resolved. "We found that we both liked our sleep and learned early on to resolve our differences quickly," said the smiling wife of her marriage 63 years strong. Another couple made a rule to go for a walk when things got heated and avoid looking at each other while they talked things out. "One of the things that attracted me to my wife was the fact that she was a mediation attorney," said the husband. "Before we married, she laid out plan for us to resolve our differences and those rules have kept us on an even keel for 14 years!" A third couple agreed from the onset that they would never, under any circumstances, divorce. (Dr. Laura's exceptions are abuse, addition, affairs.) That security alone gave the couple the courage they needed to confront every problem, knowing that no matter how great their disagreements, the marriage itself was safe. Fighting isn't necessarily bad. In fact, it can make the marriage bond even stronger, if done in a healthy manner: the greater the history of successful resolutions, the greater the chances of resolving the next one, when it arises. On the other hand, if your fighting is done in an unhealthy manner, the better solution may be to simply walk away. The end result will likely be the same, and you will have saved yourselves a lot of grief in the process. James Bardot, author of Angry Divorceacute;s Anonymous , has founded several companies, holds two patents, and has worked as a private investor and business coach. Recently, he served on the Executive Committee of Tech Coast Angels, the nation's leading group of private investors in technology startup ventures. After two unsuccessful marriages, James turned his attention to bringing greater public awareness to the preventable damage caused by divorce and helping couples find the happiness they seek. He conducts workshops and is available for speaking engagements. James is the devoted father of three boys and lives in Southern California. For more information, visit www.angrydivorces.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>