No-Cost StressRelievers for Getting Through Tough Times By Winn Claybaugh www.beniceorelse.com Somedays, it seems like bad news just keeps coming. Unemployment is up. Thestock market is down. Gas prices are up, down, and up again. You maynot be able to control these things, but you can control your reactionsto them#151;and you can do it without spending a dime. Try these quick,easy and free stress busters. Humor and Laughter If it's true that high stress can lead to physical calamities, thenperhaps it's also true that humor and laughter can heal. In his book Love, Medicine, and Miracles Dr.Bernie Siegel wrote that humor not only may have the potential torelieve pain directly, but that it also diverts your attention andhelps you relax. In truth, it's not stress that causes physical problems; it's the wayyou react to stress. Instead of letting stress make you ill, how aboutusing humor and laughter to help you heal? When you laugh and have fun,your body releases natural opiates called endorphins, the ultimate naturalhigh. Finding humor and laughter when you're all stressed out may seemlike a difficult task, but like anything else, it can become a habit ifyou practice long enough. Go Through the Motions To build your levels of happiness, joy, purpose, and fulfillment,sometimes you might have to go through the motions of offering yourselfgifts that you don't believe you deserve. If you knew your sweetheartwas having a bad day, you might draw a nice bath, light candles aroundthe tub, and place special salts or oils in the bathwater. Maybe you'dplay soft music, turn down the lights, and turn the telephone ringeroff. You'd then greet your sweetie at the door to grab her briefcase orpurse, hand her a glass of wine, and send her in for a stress-meltingbath. You'd do that for a lover, but when was the last time you treatedyourself with such respect and love? My challenge for you and for myself is to just go through the motions.Tonight you might be sitting in that bathwater thinking, "What on earth am I doing here?"That's okay. Eventually, actions become habits, and habits become partof your personality, which builds your character and turns you into thetype of person you were always meant to be: filled with happinessinstead of stress. Let's Be Clear I used to believe that if I had a grievance, an opposing opinion, or alegitimate complaint with someone, I had to bite my tongue in order tobe perceived as a nice guy. On those rare occasions when I chose totell the person how I felt or how they'd wronged me, I felt as though Iwas attacking them. And I'm not the attacking type, so I learned tokeep it to myself. If you believe in a mind-body connection, as Ifirmly do, then you know that bottling things up leads to stress,uneasiness, and disease. You're obviously going to have disagreements on occasion. To keep frommaking yourself unhealthy, practice being clear with people. If youhave a disagreement that needs to be resolved, remember to keep itbetween the two of you, discuss it in private, stick to the facts, andstay focused on your desire to restore harmony and retain therelationship. Bottom line: All three strategies will help increase your nice factor,and being nice is a surefire way to help get rid of your stress. Winn Claybaugh is the author ofBe Nice (Or Else!) and "one ofthe best motivational speakers in the country," according to CNN'sLarry King. Winn is the co-owner of hair care giant Paul Mitchell'sschool division. His clients include Southwest Airlines, the IrvineCompany, Vidal Sassoon, Entertainment Tonight, Mattel, For Rent magazine,Structure/Limited/Express, and others. Visit www.BeNiceOrElse.com to sign up for his free monthly Be Nice (Or Else!) newsletter. Permissiongranted for useon DrLaura.com. More >>

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It's True Moms: Technology Can Spell Salvation This article was brought to our attention and we thought it may help you#133; Think you're not a tech-savvy mom? Don't underestimate your digital know-how. 10 Tips columnist Laura T. Coffey shares tech-related advice that can make your life as a mom easier. Read: It#146;s true, moms: Technology can spell salvation More >>

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Five Things Nature WillTeach Your Child By Mark J. Stevens www.luisasnature.com Deep in the woods, something small is lurking and just waiting to bediscovered. Leading children into the arms of nature will expand theirhorizons and help make them become well-rounded individuals. Here are 5things your children will learn by interacting with nature: JOY: The varying strength ofair blowing on leaves will teach yourchild the joys of the subtle differences of sound intensity floatinginto their ears. The gifts of rotating seasons will enlighten theireyes with ever changing surprise. The smells of wood or a passing skunkcan excite the smallest of explorers and teach them the effects ofdiffering wind direction or dampness. Sticks and stones come in manyshapes, sizes and consistency. Once your children appreciate thediversity below their feet, each outing into nature will be a joyousoccasion. SHARING: If you talk to yourchildren about your discoveries in naturetogether, they will learn the very valuable skill of sharing. Just siton a log and look at a tree or long grass or a caterpillar or at theclouds and talk to each other about what you see and feel. If yourchild enjoys silence, you can discuss the walk through the woods or inthe fields afterwards. Words are a good way for your children to sharetheir experiences with you or their friends. But they can also draw apicture of their favorite spot in nature #150; another creative way ofsharing their experiences. SENSE OF ACCOMPLISHMENT: Giveyour children some tasks to achieve innature. Start with simple tasks such as finding a pinecone or acorn.Then move on to more difficult challenges such as finding threedifferent-colored lichen or moss or insects. Go at your child#146;s pace.It makes no sense to overwhelm children with impossible challenges.They should have fun while successfully completing a task and gainingknowledge. This will instill a sense of pride in your children. CURIOSITY: Plant tomatoes andflowers in the backyard with yourchildren. Let them till the soil, put the seeds in the dirt and waterthem. You will not only see the tomato plants grow gradually, but yourchildren#146;s curiosity will grow in leaps and bounds. Ask them how theirplants are coming along and you will see their sense of pride andcuriosity abound. They will regularly run out into the yard to see howtheir plants are doing. They will learn how the soil, weather andinsects affect their plants. Similarly, by asking your children somesimple questions about the birds and the terrain along any given trailyou will open your children#146;s eyes and make them curious. They willsoon be asking questions that even you will have to research to getthem the right answers. GRATITUDE: When taking a walkwith your children along a stream or neara lake or simply in the rain, the topic of water will come up at somepoint. Once your children learn about the source of water, they willgain an appreciation for a simple glass of water that they need tosurvive. They will learn how individual parts of ecosystems areintertwined and will develop gratitude for our oneness with nature. Ifyour children have the opportunity to take a walk with you through thedesert or in a dry climate, their appreciation for the basic elementsof nature such as water will grow even more. You can inspire your child to keep a journal of his or her naturediscoveries. The combination of exploring and writing will be a sourceof learning that will grow in time like branches on a tree. The pageswill be replete with words of joy, sharing, sense of accomplishment,curiosity and gratitude. Mark Stevens, author of LUISA'S NATURE (Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing,Spring 2008), is a news journalist currently working in Europe. Formore information, visit www.luisasnature.com .Permission granted for useon DrLaura.com. More >>

Make Yourself Dispensable By Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman Are you at all interested in raising a thirty-year-old Nintendo player who lays around your house all day eating cold pizza and sucking up diet Pepsi? Probably not. If your are like many of the parents who attend our parenting workshops, creating a thirty-year-old video game player is not high on your list of parenting goals. Our prediction is that you are probably a lot more interested in raising a responsible, caring, conscious youngster who somewhere between the ages of eighteen and twenty-five, is capable of leaving home and living successfully on their own. Raising a responsible young adult, one who can function effectively in today's world does not happen by luck, coincidence, or magic. It occurs only where parents set out to make it happen by working diligently and purposefully throughout a child's life to see that the child learns about independence, responsibility, and personal power. It happens where and when parents work intentionally to make themselves dispensable in a child's life. Are you interested in making yourself more dispensable so your child can become more responsible and independent? If so, use the suggestions below to will help you move closer to your goal of raising an independent, autonomous, fully functioning young adult. 1. Believe that making yourself dispensable is your main job as a parent. If you believe that your job is to be needed, that your central role is to do for your children, you will have a difficult time implementing the ideas that follow. Helping doesn't always help. Sometimes it creates learned helplessness. When you do for your children the things they can do for themselves, you are over-functioning. Over-functioning begins with the belief that my children need me to do for them. Change that belief to--- my job is to help my children do for themselves. 2. Refuse to do for your children what they can do or can learn to do for themselves. Do you do laundry for a teenager? Do you pack your fifth grader's lunch? Do you tie the shoes and zip the coat of a six-year old? Do you look up phone numbers for your fourth grader? If so you could be over-functioning.Remember, the more you function, the less your child has to. 3. If you want a behavior, you have to teach a behavior. Children do not naturally know how to bring in firewood, clean the fish bowl, set the table, dry the dishes, or take their own dishes to the sink after dinner. If you don't teach behaviors, you could end up doing them all yourself. 4. Refrain from answering for your child. We recently overheard a conversation where a friend approached a parent and child and spoke to the child, asking her a direct question, "How are you doing today, Maria?" The mother responded for the child replying, "She's not in a very good mood today." The silent message the parent delivered to the child was: "You don't have to speak up for yourself. I will take care of you." When the doctor asks, "Why are you here today?" the neighbor inquires, "What was you favorite birthday present?" or grandma wants to know, "How do you like school this year?" stay out of it. Allow children to answer for themselves. 5. Teach your child to ask for help. One way to do that is to not help them until they ask. Parents often rush in with help before the child has articulated a desire for help. Why would a child ever need to ask for help if help always arrives without asking? 6.Teach children to solve their own problems. Do not say,"Don't say anything to your mother. I'll handle it for you. I know your mother well and I can catch her in a good mood." Say instead, "You're going to have to handle this with your mother. Let me teach you what I know. I generally try to catch her in the afternoon because she gets real busy in the morning. If she's having a bad hair day, forget it. Also, she responds better if you make it sound like a suggestion rather than a demand. Hopefully, these tips will help. I know you can handle it." This style of speaking announces to your child that you believe in him and that you see him as capable. 7. Refrain from rescuing children from experiencing the legitimate consequences of their actions. Do not rescue, save, bail them out, let them slide, accept excuses, or fail to hold them accountable for the choices they make. When you refuse to protect children from the choices they make, you allow them to take responsibility for their lives. Raising responsible children is not an easy task. It takes effort, energy, and persistence. You can do that best when you take steps like the ones listed above to make yourself dispensable. Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman are the co-authors of Teaching the Attraction Principle to Children: Practical Strategies for Parents and Teachers to Help Children Manifest a Better World. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for educators and another for parents. To sign up for them or to learn more about the seminars they offer teachers and parents, visit their websites today: www.thomashaller.com and www.chickmoorman.com or visit www.uncommon-parenting.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Getting A Second WindAt Romance By Emily Sue Harvey www.renewalstories.com How many of us know that male and female ways of saying "I love you"can vary as widely as grilled steak to scrambled eggs? And bothapproaches are exquisitely profound. And how many know that as theyears pass and the children marry and leave, romance can be evenhotter? Hah! You didn#146;t expect that, did you? It's true. Romance can be just as exciting after you get your secondwind. How to do that? I asked my husband, Lee, which memories of mylove offerings through the years have really stuck. At the same time,as a love exercise, I replayed those moments when his tributes to mecaused the moon and stars to glow brighter. How many of us know that itis this gender-uniqueness that gives romance sizzle and endlessdelights? The phenomenon is universal...and timeless. Despite culturaldistinctions, boiled down to man/woman affairs, romance is a deliciousgift. One that needs, from time to time, to be cultivated and nurtured. How to Get A Second Wind at Romance: Masculine Ways to Say I Love You: BE THE PROTECTOR: Nothing says to a woman "you are loved" like her man's protectivestance. He is her rescuer by taking charge when things get rough. Likecar trouble and a busted water pipe. And, in my case, helping balancethe checkbook. Lee#146;s mind is more mathematical than mine is and he's mywalking calculator (while I'm his spell checker). At other times,during tragedies and loss, his presence is like that of a goldenknight. Those strong arms and rumbling voice do magic to lift mywounded spirit. All these add up to a dynamic role: hero. BE WILLING TO CHANGE: My spouse grew up in an alcoholic home where chaos reigned. For years,he fought his demons of mistrust and anger. Because his love for me wasso strong, he sought help in conquering those demons. Throughcounseling and therapy, he emerged a man's man who knows who he is andisn't threatened by anybody or anything. A man who can submit to suchscrutiny and humility is, in my book, a real hunk. VALIDATE HER: Daily, my spouse let's me know that I'm important to him. That I am nota threat to his sense of self and masculinity. That my love offeringsto him don't go unnoticed. He thanks me for every caring gesture. Thismorning, as I went about tidying up the kitchen, he sat down at thetable and read from Proverbs 31, prefacing it with, "this is you," andwent on to extol the virtues of the virtuous woman. I grinned wheninstead of the wife sitting at her spinning wheel, he had her sittingat her 'computer.' Ahh. Modern day life. He tells me daily how"beautiful" I am and how lucky he is that I chose him. Several times aday, in fact. What woman can resist such affirmations? TOUCH OFTEN: How many of us women know that his touch is like no other? We need thatmasculine stroke, gentle yet territorial and protective. It's the onethat wakes up and finely tunes our sexuality. Makes us think "what aman!" Ahhh. Need I say more? Feminine Ways to Say I Love You: NURTURE: Surprise! Sexual overtures did not lead Lee's parade of memorablelove-gestures references. Rather, he expressed appreciation for thenurturing role I play in his life. In particular, he enjoys the nice,clean home I provide for him. So all that mundane cleaning activity isnot in vain, huh? My taking care to prepare his favorite foods giveshim pleasure, as does his always having clean clothing to wear. ENCOURAGE: I was surprised when Lee told me I played a big role in the formationof his ethics. That my encouragement and validation, through the years,helped shape his ideals. I try to daily thank him for who he is andwhat he is in my life. Too, I express my joy that he chose me. I amhumbled by the fact that this has such an impact on his life. I, too,have tried to change with time and circumstances. To be adjustable is ablessing, not only to my spouse, but to myself as well. BE HIS PARTNER: Another surprise: my taking an active role as his teammate is high onLee's accolades totem. That I stand shoulder-to-shoulder with him inlife, facing and fighting the same challenges is gratifying andsupportive to him. The financial arena is one in which teamwork andcommon goals are essential, one we work at. Each partner is equal inpower. We don't have the same strengths but somehow, mystically, in thefinal analysis and resolution, they meld and blend until we don't knowwhere one ends and the other begins. SEXUALITY AND GROOMING: Aha. Here it comes. I was delighted to know that my grooming habits hadnot gone unappreciated. My care to keep myself clean, fresh-smelling,and attractive paid great dividends. Yep. It really, really did. Itgoes hand in hand with being sexually appealing, from both mine and hisend of the romance. He, too, treasures my touch. Yes, he really, reallydoes. After all, this is the bottom line in a passionate relationship. Isn't love fantastic? Romance can be renewed all throughout life. Yes,indeed, it can. All that's needed sometimes is that second wind tospark it back to life! Emily Sue Harvey writes to make a difference. Her upbeat storieshaveappeared in dozens of anthologies including Chicken Soup for theSoul,Chocolate for Women, From Eulogy to Joy, A Father's Embrace, TrueStory, Compassionate Friends Magazine, and Woman's World . Emily Sueserved as president of Southeastern Writers Association in 2008-2009.Peter Miller's NY Literary and Film Agency represent Emily Sue. Herfirst novel, Song of Renewal, published by Story Plant, will bereleased in the spring of 2009. For more information visit www.renewalstories.com .Permission granted for use onDrLaura.com. More >>

SOUND CHANGES#153; Write Your Own Love Story By Ellen Simon, M.S., M. Ed., LPC www.imadulation.com Valentine's day is that time of the year when we think about hearts,flowers, cupids amp; mostly love. As human beings, we have a natural desire, a need to feel loved. Wecrave this feeling and look for it, even in places where it does notexist. We look for love in food and drink, in objects and activities.Yet this feeling of love originates within your heart and is mostdelightful when shared and mirrored by another. Living in the light oflove breeds confidence, strength, joy and serves as a great cushion forthe bumps and bruises of life. So how can we have more love in ourlife? We increase love when we cultivate in ourselves: The capacity and desire to be kind The capacity and desire to bring joy The capacity and desire to ease pain The capacity and desire to allow each other to be free Romantic love may bring forth images of Romeo amp; Juliet,Antony amp; Cleopatra, John amp; Yoko. And who doesn't wish for theglory of exalted love? How will you get more love on this Valentine'sDay and the days hereafter? It starts with how we treat each other,which can serve to enhance or diminish the warm tender feelings andintimacy that love creates. The images you hold in your mind can serve to fan the flames or squelchthe passion. Realizing that love is a conscious choice creates for youlife's greatest opportunity. The benefactors of this choice will beyour loved ones- your significant other, your children, parents, familyand friends, even strangers on the street can benefit from a genuinesmile and heartfelt good wishes. And you will benefit most of all. Youand only you are responsible for choosing the path of love. Start by using your creative imagination to choose loving images thathelp cultivate more loving feelings. You can just as easily choosenegative thoughts that will lead you down a very different path. Whenyou realize the power of this choice your life will change. Choose loveand use your intention to: Be Present - let go of the past let go of worry about the future Show appreciation and joy being in the presence of your beloved Demonstrate compassion and the ability to relieve suffering inthe other Let go of pride and be willing to share your feelings and ask forwhat you need Forgive and let go of past hurts. Remember and nourish the qualitiesyou appreciate and love in others rather than focus on what you do notwant or what you think is wrong. The more you think about what youappreciate and love, the more it will grow in your life. Feelinggratitude for life opens the heart to love. This Valentine's Day,rather than waiting for love to find you, may you find love waitingwithin you. Take cupid's arrow and redirect it towards your heart andenjoy a day and a lifetime of renewed hope, happiness and love. Ellen Simon is a nationally recognized expert in the field ofmind bodyhealth. Ellen's unique brands of audio programs are in use in hospitalsand health care facilities across the country. Ellen is the author ofover 25 titles. This article is adapted from Food for Thoughtreg;, a 6audio CD set www.imadulation.com .For more information visit Permission granted for use onDrLaura.com. More >>

Ten Things Your Relatives Will Be Looking For - Frantically - In An Emergency By Cliff Ennico www.creators.com "My Mom passed away just before the holidays. There are three children, and we get along really well, but we all live in different cities and none of us live near Mom. Right after the funeral, the three of us gathered at Mom's house to try to figure out how we were going to split up things, but we couldn't find a copy of her will. Heck, we couldn't find ANYTHING in the mess she left behind! After two days of trying to find important papers and valuables, we just gave up and hired an estate appraiser to go through everything and put together an inventory, which is going to cost us all a fortune. There has to be a better way. Do you know of any resources that can help? You never know just how much stuff piles up around the house until somebody dies and you have to get your hands on important papers quickly. The best will in the world won't be worth the paper it's printed on if you can't find the bloody thing. If you truly love your relatives, and want to make sure the right things happen when you die or become seriously ill, put together a list of important papers and valuables and where they are located in your house. Then, give copies of the list to one or two relatives who are organized, unemotional and likely to "take charge" after your death or serious illness. Here are 10 of the most important things that should be on that list: Your Current Will. You would be AMAZED how many people put these in their safe deposit box. This is a bad idea, because a bank won't let you have access to a relative's safe deposit box unless you can show them copies of "letters testamentary" appointing you executor of the estate. And guess what? You can't get "letters testamentary" from a probate court without a copy of your relative's will! Keep your current will somewhere in your home, and make sure the attorney who drafted it keeps a copy in her office. Also, be sure to destroy all prior wills so there is no confusion about which one is current. Insurance Policies. Especially your life and disability policies, as many of these require you to notify the insurance company within a few days of a relative's death or disability if you plan to make a claim. Also, homeowner's policies may have "schedules" listing valuables, artwork and other heirlooms. Tax Returns. These are among the first things your estate attorney will ask for when you die - try to keep your federal and state income tax returns for the past five years in one place. Bank and Brokerage Account Statements. If you bank electronically, make a list of the banks where your accounts are located, the account numbers, your computer passwords, and the name and telephone number of a contact person at the bank who knows you personally. Do the same for brokerage accounts. Be sure to include the locations of any safe deposit boxes. Retirement Accounts. Your IRA, SEP, 401(K), pension or other retirement plan account numbers should be noted, along with the name and telephone number of the bank or financial institution that serves as "trustee" of the account. Your Good Jewelry. Do you really trust a local jeweler to help your relatives figure out what's "costume" and what's not? Family Heirlooms. If you want something to go to a particular relative and haven't made a specific bequest in your will, say it in your list - if your relatives get along, they probably will honor your wishes even though they're not legally binding. Your House or Apartment Keys. Only one or two of your most trustworthy relatives should have these, or know where they are. A client once told me that when his grandmother died, one of his cousins got access to the grandmother's apartment within 48 hours of her death and removed all of her valuable antiques before most other family members even knew she had died. Because no one could prove that Grandma actually owned the antiques, the cousin got to keep them, although he isn't too popular at family gatherings nowadays. The Location of Secret Compartments in Furniture or Other "Hiding Places". Don't laugh! I inherited a fold-out desk from a maiden aunt who died in 1986, and only two months ago while cleaning it I discovered a hidden compartment containing love letters from her old boyfriends - circa 1922! Names and Telephone Numbers of . . . the attorney who drafted your current will; your accountant; your doctors (in case of sudden stroke or illness where you are unable to speak); your insurance agent; relatives and friends you wish to be notified of your death (be sure to include your profiles on any "social networking" websites); and the funeral parlor you wish to handle your remains. Cliff Ennico ( cennico@legalcareer.com )is a syndicated columnist, author and former host of the PBS televisionseries 'Money Hunt'. This column is no substitute for legal, tax orfinancial advice, which can be furnished only by a qualifiedprofessional licensed in your state. To find out more about CliffEnnico and other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit ourWeb page at www.creators.com .COPYRIGHT 2009 CLIFFORD R. ENNICO. DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS SYNDICATE,INC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>