SOUND CHANGES#8482; Six Sound Strategies to Stress Less By Ellen Simon, M.S., M. Ed., LPC www.imadulation.com Stress happens in your body but starts in your mind. In addition to the perception of danger or life threatening events, there are two thinking habits that activate the stress response in the body. The first is negative attention, or focusing on what you don't want/like, rather than what is good, right or challenging in a growth producing way. The Law of Attraction will bring into your life that which you focus on and play on the movie screen of your mind. The second common habit to induce stress is an insistence and needing that things be a certain way, rather than preferring the same. Insistence on things being a certain way implies an attachment to a particular outcome, and thus sets you up for disappointment. If instead you prefer an outcome, you still identify your wishes and desires, yet this attitude contains energy of letting go. Preferring carries an element of trust in the unfolding of life and the confidence that whatever happens, you have the resources and ability to handle life. It's better to have what you need than to need what you want. The 6 strategies to stress less and enjoy life more follow: Thinking healthy - focus on what you do want rather than what you don't want, let go of insisting or clinging to a particular outcome. Where are your thoughts? Are you focusing on what is wrong? Or is your awareness on the solution or even on the blessing that if often revealed down the road? Are you turning your wants into needs? When you NEED what you WANT then you create unnecessary stress. Try shifting your needs into preferences, relaxing, breathing and looking at the big picture. Breathing - breathe in fully and completely let go of your breath. Breathing is a metaphor for life. Take it in fully and let go of what you do not need. Moving - stretch your body and keep it flexible and resilient like your mind. Awareness - maintain a consciousness of your habitual patterns. If something is not working, cease the pattern and make another choice. Communication - be assertive, state your truth with harmless intention and allow another to have a truth that may differ from yours. Respect your needs and celebrate diversity in your loved ones. Sound Sleep - crucial to managing stress and feelings of well-being. If needed, create a routine for yourself that includes a soothing and calming ritual before bed. If there is something on your mind, talk to a friend or journal - get those feelings out of your body and onto some paper or into a friend's ear! Meditation prior to bedtime can create a nice transition to sleep. A spray of lavender or nutritional supplements may be considered to support a healthy sleep. Keep in mind these six strategies as you remember that you are the choice maker. One of the few things you can choose is what thoughts you entertain and how you respond to life!! copy; 2009 by Ellen Simon www.imadulation.com. Permission to reprint if left intact. Ellen Simon is a nationally recognized expert in the field of mind body health. Ellen's unique brand of audio programs is in use in hospitals and health care facilities across the country. Author of over 25 titles this article is adapted from Food for Thought(r) a 6 audio CD set. For more information visit www.imadulation.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

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What to Do When Your Partner Has Become Your Enemy By Sharon Rivkin, M.A., M.F.T. www.thefirstargument.com Where has all the love gone that you once felt for your partner? Do you seem to fight about everything? Has your partner become your enemy? How did it happen? The process of "building a case against our partner" begins quietly and unconsciously, so we hardly notice what we're doing. The emotional battle often begins after the honeymoon phase of a relationship and reality has set in. Suddenly the one who could do no wrong, can't seem to do anything right. The one who used to make us happy is slowly becoming the enemy...someone to defend against and distrust. We're certain they're doing things just to annoy us and make us angry. We retaliate by doing things to them that get the same result. Slowly we have forgotten that we love our partner and now wonder what to do. One of the most important things to do to begin to regain the love you once had for your partner is to start giving them the benefit of the doubt, like you would a friend or even a stranger. In order to do this, remember these three things: Step out of yourself and listen to your partner. What is she/he really saying if you weren't already expecting the worst and waiting to defend yourself? Example: Your partner is upset that you've come home late and says, "Here we go again, you're late for dinner and you didn't even call me." Your first reaction is to defend yourself with excuses of why you're late. Instead, just listen to your partner...when we're busy talking, we don't really hear what our partner is trying to communicate. You may see that your partner is simply trying to tell you that she/he's hurt, and not that you're a bad person. By holding back your defenses and addressing your partner's upset, a conversation can ensue rather than a defensive arguing match. In this situation, apologizing for being late, listening, and seeing the situation from your partner's point of view would dramatically alter the dynamics of the situation. Don't take everything your partner says PERSONALLY. In other words, don't just react impulsively from JUST your emotions. Let your head help you to think about the situation and what's been said, rather than assuming your partner is trying to hurt you. To help you NOT just react from emotions (taking a remark as a personal attack), try asking yourself these simple questions: How might I respond to my partner if I did not take what she/he is saying personally? What if what she/he is saying ISN'T about me? If this was true, would I hear her/him differently? Would I respond differently? Example: Your partner's had a hard day and has been unable to talk to anyone about it. Then you walk in and start talking about your day. All of a sudden your partner is angry that you never listen. If you take a minute to THINK about the situation, without immediately reacting, you may realize that your partner did have a hard day and needs to be HEARD, not necessarily that you NEVER listen. By not reacting to your own hurt, you might be able to be there for your partner...and then they're more likely to be there for you. Again, a potential argument could transform into an intimate conversation. What if I didn't see my partner as my enemy? How would I respond if I still loved/liked my partner? How did I respond in the beginning of our relationship? Do you want to be right or do you want a resolution for the argument? Do you want a healthy relationship? The healthiest relationships are the ones where both people can be right and have the opportunity to express their feelings and be heard. It only takes one person to change the pattern of the relationship. Be that person. Stop attacking and putting your partner on the defensive. Begin with an act of kindness to yourself and your partner by giving them the benefit of the doubt. By doing so, you begin to change the pattern of your relationship from negative to positive, from attacking to understanding, from fighting to intimacy, from enemy to friend, lover, and partner. One act of kindness goes a long way, leading to a different and healthier way of communicating. Sharon M. Rivkin, Marriage and Family Therapist, and author of The First Argument: Cutting to the Root of Intimate Conflict , has worked with couples for 27 years. Her unique insight into the first argument was featured in O: The Oprah Magazine and Reader's Digest , and has attracted people throughout the United States and abroad for consultation, workshops, and courses. For more information on Sharon Rivkin and her book, or to contact her, visit www.sharonrivkin.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Four Ways to Keep Family Harmony By Emily Sue Harvey www.renewalstories.com History itself affirms that the family is the foundation of society. It is the glue that holds together civilization itself. Block by block, it builds nations. But the most important place for family is inside each of us; it is who we are. We're living in days when the traditional family is challenged to the hilt. More than ever, parenting and nurturing roles are important and necessary. Like an orchestra, each family member is an instrument, with notes that blend the unit. Four Ways to Stay in Family-Tune 1. Fill Your Place My father's sudden, accidental death drove this home to me. My biological mother died when I was ten. My wonderful stepmother, my other "Mom," was my surrogate parent from the tender age of eleven. Years later, when Dad died, the earth was yanked from beneath me. I wasn't certain, in those hours, who I was exactly, with 2 full siblings and three half-siblings. Oh, we'd never even used the 'half' term. We're extremely close. But was Dad, father to us all, after all, the glue? In my initial shocked state, the family unit felt shattered. But hours later, when I entered Mom's house (not Dad's anymore) I heard her call, "Susie," her voice soothing as she sailed like a porpoise and gathered me into her arms. "I'm sorry about Daddy. He's with your Mama now," she whispered, tears in her eyes. I was aghast at her selflessness in that moment. And my place in the family galvanized. I've seen family members vacate that space because some sibling, parent, or relative offended them. They were willing to abdicate their rightful position in the orchestra, creating dissonance and frailty of tone. The perception is yours. And only you can take your place. The orchestra is not quite right, a bit hollow, without you there playing your notes. 2. Play the Right Notes We all hit sour notes in our families. All of us miss opportunities to keep the family harmony solid. One way to do that is to simply 'be there' for each other. I'll never forget failing in that role. While in my teens, with a new boyfriend, my little sister asked me to please ask Lee, my beau, go get some toothache drops. His was the only car available at the moment. Her tooth hurt. Living in a rural area with no corner seven-eleven or pharmacy, I dropped the ball, not willing to ask Lee to aid in the problem. Looking back, I see that he would have gladly done so but at that time my insecurity prevailed. Later in the evening, an aunt came by, saw Patsy's problem and immediately drove to a neighbor's, borrowed the merciful pain reliever and administered first aid to my relieved sister. For years, I carried guilt. I've since tried to remedy that lapse. But it was a hard lesson learned about just being there. 3. Re-Tune Forgive the out-of-tune times. Patsy, my above-mentioned sister, married a Baptist minister. Years after my unconscionable lapse of mercy, she invited me to a "special service" at their little country church. Turned out the service was to honor those SPECIAL ONES in folks' lives. Patsy stood and began speaking. "I want to honor my sister, Susie, today. She's always been there for me. Always." She went on extolling virtues I was supposed to possess. Each word made me feel more despicable, like slithering through the floor cracks. Smiling, she presented me with the certificate bearing my name. Later, after service, I apologized again for that long ago night when she had a toothache. She looked puzzled. "I don't remember," she said, shrugging. "But I'll forgive you anyway. I only remember what a great sister you were, always validating and nurturing me." She didn't remember. I was forgiven. Wow. I felt renewed inside and out. It was re-tuning time! 4. It's Not All About Me Family is the ultimate, universal orchestra. Family is teamwork at its quintessential best. One reason it's so effective is that it's propelled by love. So why do families erupt into chaotic dissonance? It usually starts with a "what about me?" attitude. Granted, we're more relaxed with family, more prone to just let 'er rip with the let's play fair, now! And that's okay. We do, to a great degree, police each other within the family unit, do a regular power check and balance. It's when one or more members refuse to let go of the' what about me?'... long enough to do family/team negotiation. The scratchy dissonance grows in direct proportion to the self-absorption, the my way or the highway mentality. My mother's recent death required our six siblings to perform like the Boston Pops Orchestra regarding the proceedings of the probate, will, organization of estate sale, the actual estate sale, and distribution of the estate. Two sisters were more able to do the organizing. One, because of health problems, was not able to assist. Two brothers helped with the heavy lifting during organization and estate sale. One brother lived too far away to participate. And guess what? It was okay that four did most of the work. Unconditional love and teamwork made the entire process sound like the Hundred and One Strings Orchestra playing Debussy's Claire De Lune! So, tune up your love and take your place in the family band. Make music to the renewal of mind, spirit, and body! Emily Sue Harvey writes to make a difference. Her upbeat stories have appeared in dozens of anthologies including Chicken Soup for the Soul, Chocolate for Women, From Eulogy to Joy, A Father's Embrace, True Story, Compassionate Friends Magazine, and Woman's World . Emily Sue served as president of Southeastern Writers Association in 2008-2009. Peter Miller's NY Literary and Film Agency represent Emily Sue. Her first novel, Song of Renewal , published by Story Plant, will be released in the spring of 2009. For more information visit www.renewalstories.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Give Presence NotPresents By Thomas Haller and ChickMoorman www.personalpowerpress.com The holiday season is fast approaching and many parents are concernedabout the family financial situation and the money problems they may beexperiencing? As if rising food prices, stock market instability andskyrocketing health care costs weren#146;t enough, parents now have theadded concern of finding available money to put a few presents underthe Christmas tree or share a gift during the family's Hanukkahcelebrations. The giving of gifts is an honored tradition in most homes during theholiday season. Many parents are wondering what they will give thisyear as they tighten the money belt and attempt to weather thefinancial storm through the holiday. Perhaps the answer lies in the gifts that are given. Give children whatthey really want from their parents, presence not presents. Allchildren spell love T-I-M-E. What we can give to them is our attention,our availability, our mindfulness, our closeness, our time. Are you being fully present with your children? Can you let go of yourworry about money and the giving of gifts? Can you suspend your agendato focus on theirs? Can you learn to be there for and with yourchildren? Consider the following suggestions as a way to give the most importantpresent, your presence this holiday season. Be there regardless of what you are doing. The holiday seasonrequires an added measure of balancing kid's schedules, workresponsibilities, visiting family, cooking elaborate meals as well asregular requirements of keeping up with the laundry, etc.. When feelingpulled in several directions many parents turn to multi-tasking. We'resuggesting that you avoid the urge to multi-task and strive to stayfocused on the moment at hand. When you sit with your children, whetherit#146;s to play a game or read a book, give them your undivided attention. Make a "Be" choice. How you choose to "be" affects whatever youchoose to do. When you are with your children choose to be interestedin what they are interested in. Choose to be happy that you have thetime to focus on their needs and wants. Choose to be excited about thetime you have with them. Even when misbehavior occurs in your children,choose to be glad that you have the opportunity to help them learn anew behavior or a new way to communicate a desire or express a feeling. Focus on listening rather than telling. Children spend a greatportion of their day following directions such as, pick up yourclothes, make your bed, sit down, be quiet, go play, chew with yourmouth closed, stop picking on your brother, hang up your coat, brushyour teeth. The list of commands seem unending. Remember, children havevaluable things to say too. Many times parents get so focused ontelling that they forget to listen. Value your children#146;s opinion.Allow opportunities to vent. Embrace their point of view. Invitesuggestions. Listen to their voice. Connect physically. Touch is a powerful way to communicate "Ilove you." Get close and touch your children#146;s heart with a warmembrace or a gentle squeeze of the shoulder. Snuggle under a blanketand read together. Go for a walk and lock hands. Wrestle on the livingroom floor. Distribute hugs, smiles, winks and an occasional high five. Connect emotionally. Feelings are always more important thanthings. Create an environment where it is safe to be emotional.Encourage the expression of feelings. Allow your feelings to extend toyour children as you share traditions, reflect on holidays past andgather as a family. Have empathy, compassion and understanding. Unplug from the electronic world. The television, computer,video games, and ipods have the potential to create a disconnect frompersonal interaction. Unplug, turn it off, and walk away. While ridingin the car unplug the headphones, turn off the DVD player and tell yourchildren a story about the day they were born or about a favoriteholiday memory. Shut down the computer, turn off the x-box and play agame of chess, checkers or monopoly together. Stand up, walk away fromthe TV and go shoot baskets, skip rope, or ride bikes with your child. Play by the kid's rules. Play with your children at theirlevel. Build mud pies, jump in rain puddles, roll down a hill, sprayshaving cream on the kitchen table and join in the creation of artisticdesigns. Cover the driveway in sidewalk chalk. Let your children takethe lead and change the rules of a game if they want. Know that play,no matter how childish or silly it may appear, is an investment inconnecting with your children. Play regularly and remember the reasonfor play is to play, not to win. Make a commitment this holiday season to give the best gift you cangive by being present in your child's life. Be active and interactiveon a daily basis with your children. Be the parent you were called tobe. Give your presence. Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of The 10Commitments:Parenting with Purpose . They are two of the world's foremostauthorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. Theypublish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or toobtain more information about how they can help you or your group meetyour parenting needs, visit their website today: www.personalpowerpress.com .Permission granted for useon DrLaura.com. More >>

Money Talk: The 10Best Things You Can Say to Your Children about Money Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman www.personalpowerpress.com Many parents do not know how, do not want to, or lack the communicationskills necessary to talk to their children about money in general. Sowhen a money crisis develops, the potential to pass fearful andnegative attitudes towards money to the next generation increases. How effective are you at talking about money? What words do you usewhen you talk about money in front of or directly to your children?Below you will find a list of the ten best things you can say to yourchildren about money. Use it to gage your money talk skill level. 10 Best "It's allowance time. Everybody get your envelopes!" Oneof themain reasons for having allowances is to teach children aboutbudgeting. The envelope system will help you do that. Children areconcrete thinkers. That means if it is not in their hands, it is not intheir minds. Envelopes will help you make the teaching of budgeting aconcrete process. Label envelopes with several budget areas, includingsavings, investment, charity, and spending. Children can divide theirown allowance by placing the amount of money they choose in theappropriate envelopes. "I'm willing to pay part of it." This phrase is usefulwhen yourchild wants something that exceeds the budgeted amount you hadearmarked in your budget. If you had $80 set aside for sneakers andthey want a pair that costs over $100, this sentence defines yourlimit. It also invites the child to take responsibility for coming upwith the difference. It curbs feelings of entitlement and allowschildren to take ownership for achieving their desires. In addition, ifsome of their money is invested in the article, they are more likely totake care of it. "Did you bring any of your money?" This money talkquestion ishelpful for those situations where children ask impulsively for thingswhile you are shopping. It helps them to see that they need to haveforethought in the money purchases they make. "The car needs to be washed. What do you think that's worth?"Thepurpose of a child's allowance is so they can learn how to spend, save,and use money. If they want or feel they need more money than theallowance provides, there are additional ways to get it. Doing out ofthe ordinary jobs around the house, over and above their normal chores,is one way for them to earn additional income. This will help theminternalize the concept that if they want more they can work more. "Help me figure out the tip." This type of money talkhelpschildren in several ways. In addition to providing a real life exampleto use basic math skills, it also gives children the awareness of thecost of the meal so they can appreciate what is being provided forthem. Learning about tipping also gives children the message that beingappreciative for the service provided is expressed in the form of atip. "Oh, I think you gave me the wrong change." Allow yourchildrento overhear you telling cashiers or waiters when the change isincorrect. If you were short changed it models sticking up foryourself. If you received too much change, your words demonstratehonesty and communicate integrity around money. "Our charity jar is almost full. What should we do with themoneythis time?" Teach the charity habit by contributing to a charityjarregularly at allowance time. Set a goal as a family as to how much youwant to accumulate during a specific time frame. Watch as the jar fillsup with the individual family contributions. Decide together where todonate the money. Give your children opportunities to have input onthis important decision. "Wow! I found a quarter. The money just keeps on coming."Money comes to us in a variety of ways and inunexpected times and places. Finding a coin on the ground is a signthat the universe is continually active in providing money for thosewho are open to receiving it. Stay open and allow the AttractionPrinciple to bring you money even in the smallest of ways. It is a signthat more it is on the way. Appreciate what you receive verbally sothat your children can hear your gratefulness. "Bummer. Sounds like you have a money problem. What can you doabout it?" This piece ofmoney talk communicates to children that the current money problem theyface is their problem. It informs them you will be the supportivelistener, but not a rescuer. With this style of language, you alsoremind yourself that there are times when allowing children toexperience the consequences of their actions and choices is the bestway for them to learn. "You don't have to wait until you're a grown-up." Childrencan makemoney, own a business, save money, invest in the stock market, and giveto charities. Money is not just for adults. It is for anyone who hasparents that are willing to help their children become financiallyliterate. Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of The 10Commitments:Parenting with Purpose . They are two of the world's foremostauthorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. Theypublish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or toobtain more information about how they can help you or your group meetyour parenting needs, visit their website today: www.personalpowerpress.com .Permission granted for useon DrLaura.com. More >>

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'Yes' is a Good Thing - In Moderation By Laura Stack, The Productivity Proreg; www.TheProductivityPro.com Have you ever found yourself trying to make plans with a friend, just play with the kids, or do something fun for yourself, only to find your planner so full that "maybe next month" is the best you can do? If so, you probably have that old Ado Annie syndrome...you're "just a girl who cain't say no." We all want to feel like great parents, accomplished at work, and like we're giving back to the community. It is human nature to want success and to please others. It's good to feel that way - to be ambitious, to be busy, and to get things done. But how much is too much? "Yes" is a good thing - in moderation. Productivity doesn't mean filling every moment of every day with tasks that further some agenda. Prepare yourself for upcoming burnout if your schedule is so full that there isn't time for family, friends and yes - YOU. Because you are good at what you do, people will always ask for your help and your input. They want you to join another board, sew the costumes for the school play, or write the homeowner's association newsletter. Just because your calendar has a blank spot, it doesn't mean you have to say "yes" when someone wants to fill that time. Look at your priorities and take the time to set boundaries for yourself so that you only take on the tasks and activities you truly can and want to complete. What activities on your task list can you outsource? What can you eliminate completely? You know you're going to get a call or email soon saying "will you...?" Be prepared. Take a deep breath and say it with me - "No." See - it wasn't that hard, was it? Well, it may take some practice, but you CAN do it! It's OK to say "no" without guilt and without apology. Give yourself that permission right now. Your time is valuable. You simply have to leave some of it for yourself to enjoy those things in life which bring you pleasure and joy. That's the kind of time that is the juice which "recharges your battery" so that when you are on task you can be productive. Give yourself the gift of some time. You're worth it. (c) 2008 Laura Stack. Laura Stack ( www.TheProductivityPro.com/blog ) is a motivational speaker who helps busy workers Leave the Office Earlierreg; with Maximum Results in Minimum Time#8482;. She is the president of The Productivity Proreg;, Inc., a time management firm specializing in productivity improvement in high-stress organizations. Since 1992, Laura has given presentations on improving output, lowering stress, and saving time in today's workplaces, for companies such as Microsoft, Starbucks, and 3M. She is the bestselling author of The Exhaustion Cure (2008); Find More Time (2006); and Leave the Office Earlier (2004). To have Laura speak at your event, call 303-471-7401. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>