Bringing New Life to your Lifetime Relationship: 3 Tips for Making Marriage Last Forever By Winn Claybaugh www.beniceorelse.com A good friend once shared the idea that people enter your life for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. A "season relationship" can happen with a new friend you meet on vacation. You have a wonderful time together but once you both head back home, the relationship is over. A "reason relationship" occurs with an individual who enters your life to teach you something, through either a good or a not-so-good experience. "Lifetime relationships" last a lifetime, plain and simple. Divorce statistics notwithstanding, marriage is still intended to be a lifetime relationship. Unless you categorize your marriage as a lifetime relationship, you risk missing out on something that could provide growth and love and serve both you and your spouse for many years to come. To make your marriage the lifetime relationship it's meant to be, you must constantly seek to grow and improve it. Unless you interject new beliefs, habits, and practices into your marriage, it can become old, boring, or stagnant. Here are three ideas for bringing new life to your lifetime relationship. Think Back Think back to all those wonderful, romantic things you used to do for your spouse or partner while dating. I believe that if everyone continued to do those things, we wouldn't have the divorce rate in this country that we do. I find it very interesting that when people have an affair, they start doing all those romantic, wonderful things with the "new" person in their life. Just imagine what would happen if they went home and did those things with their spouse instead. Write a Gratitude Letter What are you grateful for in your life? What events do you want to remember? There's something quite profound and empowering about making a list or writing a story about what's right in your life. When you stop to think about the good things in life, you'll feel nicer and be nicer, which will make you a nicer and better spouse. Your gratitude letter can begin with a mention of the most obvious things you're grateful for, such as family and friends. You could write about the gifts of your heart, mind, and soul; your worldly possessions; and your personal discoveries, benchmarks, and growth. You may even want to express gratitude for a painful experience that helped you be a better person or appreciate your family more. Write your gratitude letter, and acknowledge the experience and lessons you've been given in life. It's Never Too Late Journaling and letter writing are powerful ways to express thoughts, beliefs, and intentions of the heart. I believe it was author and speaker Marianne Williamson who taught me that it only takes one person to make the shift in a relationship that has gotten off track. Even if the other person decides not to participate, the work that you do to make your apologies, forgive yourself, and express your love and gratitude can be all that is required to proclaim, "That relationship is healed. I can now move forward with peace, love, and resolve." Winn Claybaugh is the author of Be Nice (Or Else!) and "one of the best motivational speakers in the country," according to CNN's Larry King. A business owner for over 25 years with over 8,000 people in his organization, Winn is the co-owner of hair care giant Paul Mitchell's school division. Winn has helped thousands of businesses build their brands and create successful working cultures. His clients include Southwest Airlines, the Irvine Company, Vidal Sassoon, Entertainment Tonight, Mattel, For Rent magazine, Structure/Limited/Express, and others. Winn is a frequent guest on national radio and a regular contributor to online publications. Visit www.BeNiceOrElse.com to sign up for his free monthly Be Nice (Or Else!) newsletter Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Bacteria Risks and Pregnancy By Dr. Alan Greene www.drgreene.com There are certain microscopic bacteria that can pose special health risks to pregnant women and to their babies. Although most people can safely eat food containing a type of bacteria called Listeria , pregnant women are ten times more likely to get sick if they eat those same foods. And if they do get sick, the infection can be devastating for the baby. The tricky thing about Listeria is that, unlike many bacteria, they can thrive at refrigerator temperatures. To be sure, ensure your partner avoids the following: Soft cheeses such as Brie, Camembert, feta, and Mexican queso fresco, or any cheeses with blue veins. Most hard cheeses are fine, as are pasteurized cream cheese, cottage cheese, cheese spreads, sliced cheese and yogurt. Foods from deli counters (prepared salads, meats, and cheeses), unless they are heated to steaming right before eating. Hot dogs, packaged cold cuts, meat spreads, pate, smoked seafood, and leftovers, unless they are heated to steaming right before eating. Canned or shelf-stable products are generally fine. Raw or unpasteurized milk during pregnancy, including goat's milk, and foods that contain unpasteurized milk. Raw and partially cooked eggs, meat, and poultry can harbor other unwanted visitors. In addition to Listeria , be cautious about E. coli , salmonella , and Toxoplasma by doing the following: Cook ground beef until no pink is visible, and be sure pork and lamb are well done. For turkey or other poultry, cook thoroughly to 180deg; F (with a thermometer). Cook eggs until both the whites and the yolks are firm. Soft scrambled eggs aren't a pregnancy treat. Remember hidden sources of raw or partially cooked eggs, such as cookie dough, unpasteurized eggnog and Hollandaise sauce. You've heard not to change kitty litter during pregnancy to avoid Toxoplasma. This is good advice, but pregnant women can also pick up Toxoplasma from unpasteurized milk and undercooked meats. Be sure milk is pasteurized and meats are cooked to at least 150 degrees F. Even if cooked food is safe, microorganisms can still live on hands or utensils while cooking. Wash before and after handling raw foods. Always wash cutting boards, kitchen surfaces and utensils after use. Dr Alan Greene, author of Raising Baby Greene , is a graduate of Princeton University and the University of California San Francisco. He is a Clinical Professor at Stanford University's Packard Children's Hospital. In addition to being the founder of www.DrGreene.com , he is the Chief Medical Officer of A.D.A.M., and the Pediatric Expert for WebMD. He is the Chairman of the Board of The Organic Center and on the Advisory Board of Healthy Child Healthy World. Dr Greene appears frequently on TV, radio, websites, and in print including appearances on The Today Show, Fox and Friends, The Wall Street Journal, Parents Magazine, and More >>

School is in Session and the Bully is Back By Derek Randel www.stoppingschoolviolence.com School started this week. As the Sanders ate dinner, Rick just moved his food around without eating. The nine-year-old looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. His parents knew something was wrong, but he just kept repeating, "nothing is wrong" to all their questions. At bedtime, he finally let out what was bothering him. The same four boys from last year started bullying him again. The Sanders were very lucky that Rick told them what was happening because most students will not tell their parents. Most students are worried about being retaliated against, humiliated even more, and how their parents will react. The Sanders have built a relationship around communication so Rick knew his parents wouldn't go ballistic. As a former teacher, I have seen parents handle these situations in many different ways. Most are expectedly upset and emotional, but coming into the school blaming, threatening, or accusing the staff is not the way to get results. You can expect your child to tell you not to contact the school because he thinks it will make the situation worse. However, you are your child's advocate and it may be necessary to contact the school. What is most important is to go into the school and let them know there is a problem. You need to work with the school staff since you're on the same side. Working together instead of attacking each other will work much better and will be easier for your child Here are six important steps to follow whenever approaching the school about bullying: Document each bullying incident. Look at it this way#151; if it is not documented, then it didn't happen. Include helpful information such as when, where, and who. Your child needs to keep this record if he expects it to stop. Contact your child's teacher even if you're asked not to. You do not have to tell your child you did this. If you cannot go in the school, then call or email him/her. There is a chance that he/she is completely unaware of what is happening. Being calm, supply the teacher with your information. Contact the school's administrative office in writing if you're not satisfied with how the situation is being handled. Request a meeting to discuss your documents. When meeting with the administration, ask for a written copy of what was discussed. Schools will usually tell you that they cannot discuss the discipline of another student with you, but still document what transpired in the meeting. If your child is being bullied, then it is obvious that what is being done is not working. Continue going up the ladder to the superintendent and school board. Too many children are being bullied without anyone getting involved. Everyday 160,000 students do not go to school because they are intimidated. This is unacceptable. Don't quit if you're not satisfied; see an attorney if needed. You can also contact the police about filing charges against the bully and then follow this by contacting the media. Too many students consider school a living hell because they are being bullied. Being a victim can lead to depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and much more. If you do not receive the desired results to end the bullying, then another option is to pull your child out of that school. You can pull your child from a public school at any time. Consider all options for their education, but keep in mind that all students need to feel wanted, safe, and successful. Derek Randel is a parent coach who speaks nationally on how to remove the yelling from your home and how to protect your child/student from bullying and school violence. Derek has been seen on many television shows and is heard on radio shows around the country. He is the author of Stopping School Violence and was nominated for a Disney American Teacher Award. He also is a certified stepfamily coach through the Step-Family Foundation. For more information visit www.stoppingschoolviolence.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Use Nature to Boost Your Child's Learning By Mark Stevens www.luisasnature.com Nature can play a big role in helping your children advance their learning. There are many activities you can do with your child to help him or her mentally and emotionally grow during the outdoor season. Exploring parks and nature preserves, travel, and observing plant and vegetable growth in your own garden are excellent ways for children to expand their minds and learn about life. Exploring parks and nature preserves Get out on the path or trail with your children and see just how many plants, birds, and other growth and animals they can discover. Parks and preserves are usually great places for bird watching. Have your kids use their ears to detect the birds' location, for example. Once they spot a particular bird, have them note the different characteristics they observe: eating habits, color, song, twitching tail, type of flight. On another outing, you can ask your children to choose a tree and note the growth and insects that rely on its bark. What kind of leaves does the tree have? Is it tall and thin or wide and short? Does it bear fruit? If there is a river or ocean nearby, is it low or high tide? What color is the water? What is lurking in or near the water or in the nearby woods? Traveling through nature While on the road with your kids, talk to them about what they see outside the car windows. Take turns pointing out something in the landscape. Once this exercise gets tiring, don#146;t just give up and watch your kids play video games for the rest of the trip. Put an audio book in your car#146;s CD player and let your minds paint a picture of the action and setting that your ears take in. You can then discuss those stories just as you would any goodnight story you read to your children. Sharing nature through your observances from the car and taking in an audio story or two together not only promotes learning, it also strengthens the family bond. Observing plant and vegetable growth in your own garden Growing a garden with your children gives them a lesson in nature and in understanding where our food comes from. Why do we till the soil? What tools do we need? Plants need water just like we do. Talk about that and about the many other aspects of gardening with your children. What characteristics does each of the vegetable plants have? Why do the bees fly to the blossoms? Let your children practice their math skills: number of plants, different plant species in the garden, branches on individual plants, weeds remaining to be removed. Teach your children about the benefit of using compost in the garden. Lead the way to your children's learning experience in nature. Before long, they#146;ll be pulling you off the couch with their green thumbs. Mark J. Stevens, author of LUISA'S NATURE (Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing, Spring 2008), is a news journalist currently working in Europe. Fluent in French, Spanish, and German, he has enjoyed extensive travel much of his life. Shaped by the rural New Jersey setting of his youth, Mark continues to explore the richness of nature with his wife and two children on the outskirts of Munich, Germany. He also belongs to several parenting and nature organizations in the U.S. and Europe. For more information, visit www.luisasnature.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Dr. Greene's Top Parenting Dos and Don'ts By Alan Greene, MD www.DrGreene.com Each day I see parents trying their best to do what's right for their families, but no one has the perfect guidebook that tells parents what to do. Here are the top eight solvable problems that I advise parents to remedy today. Do#133; Have confidence in your parenting style. Don't#133; Worry about what your parents or the neighbors or your child's teacher thinks about your parenting style. Create a parenting style that makes you comfortable and relax. Do#133; Create an exercise program for yourself. Don't#133; Skip it because you don't have the time. Kids follow our example. If we're not exercising, they won't learn to either. So take care of yourself and teach your kids to do the same. Do#133; Take the time to create healthy love foods for your family. Don't#133; Settle routinely for food isn't helping them build a strong body and mind. What children eat is vitally important and the foods they learn to love when young will often be their favorites as adults. You can create healthy love foods for them by what you feed them now and give them a life-long gift. Do#133; Give your kids a good multi-vitamin each day. Don't#133; Trust our food sources to provide all the nutrients kids need. Most kids don't eat 5 servings of fruits and veggies a day. Even if they did (and I do encourage at least that many) our food's nutrient density has gone down. Kids need a good multi-vitamin each day to round out their nutritional needs. Do#133; Stay consistent with your rules. Don't#133; Let whining wear you down. If you want a child to sleep in her own bed, then letting her sleep in your bed "just this once" is going to make it much harder later. Do#133; Think about the things that matter. Don't#133; Pick the wrong things to worry about. You need to pay close attention to some things, like your kids' safety. But don't sweat the small stuff even if it means your kids sleep in their street clothes instead of pajamas. Do#133; Take advantage of today. Don't#133; Wait until tomorrow to build life-long memories. Time flies. Plan something every season that your kids will look forward to year after year. Do#133; Pay attention to both your perspective and your child's. Don't#133; Lose sight of your needs or theirs. If we focus too much on whatever children want, or too much on what we want, they miss out on learning both to give and receive. Dr. Alan Greene, author of Raising Baby Greene , is a graduate of Princeton University and the University of California San Francisco. In addition to being the founder of www.DrGreene.com , he is the Chief Medical Officer of A.D.A.M. He is the Chair of The Organic Center and on the Advisory Board of Healthy Child Healthy World. Dr. Greene appears frequently on TV, radio, websites, and in print including appearances on The Today Show, Good Morning America, Fox and Friends, The Wall Street Journal, Parents Magazine, and US Weekly. Dr. Greene is Clinical Professor of Pediatrics at Stanford University's Packard Children's Hospital. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Working with Nature to Stimulate Your Child#146;s Senses By Mark J. Stevens www.luisasnature.com From the first week of our child#146;s birth, we encouraged her connection to nature through all of her senses. Her ears perked up at the sound of the nesting birds#146; melody. Her eyes opened to the vastness of a mountain lake and her perception increased gradually with each passing week as we said the names of the plants animals, insects, stones, etc. She smelled and felt the grass, leaves, flowers, and water as we passed through our surroundings. She later tasted the berries we picked for her along the way. And she is still always intrigued by the sound of a passing brook. We use our imagination to inspire and develop our senses every day. Here are some of the ways you can help your child do so, too: Follow your nose: Make sure you clarify to your child that he should only eat things you give him. But once you know how to navigate to the edible mushrooms, berries, and vegetables in the woods and fields, it#146;s snack time! With time, you will realize how many little snacks you can enjoy with your kids along the way. In addition, pack a little picnic with bread, cheese, and fruits. If you are exploring near a clean stream, have a drink to supplement the drink you have with you. Have a bite: Without warning kids can suddenly hit their limits and patience begins to wane rapidly. Too often parents try to dictate in this moment how they want their child to behave. Unfortunately, the barometer is rising and our wishes will almost certainly fall on deaf and increasingly angry ears. As soon as you notice the struggle, begin to take the child aside to a quiet location and try to reason with them. For example, #147;I don#146;t want to take a bath#148; can become a conversation about whether to take a bath or shower. In these crucial early moments, giving kids a small choice can go a long way toward preventing a potential meltdown. Open your eyes: Look at those little ants and caterpillars below you. It is likely that your child will discover them before you anyway. After all, kids are closer to the ground than you. Give the animals or insects a name. Encourage your child to hold them or even to say #147;good morning,#148; as our daughter used to do to the ants near our house. Talk about the different color of lichen on the trees or moss on the forest floor. This will encourage your child to observe even closer and to get dirty making new discoveries of their own#151;opening not only her eyes, but her mind and other senses. Touch and feel: Fill your hat with acorns, grass, wheat, sticks, and stones. Ask your child to feel the things in the hat#151;first while looking at the objects. Ask them what each object feels like. Then ask them to touch the objects without looking at them and to guess what they are. This improves your child#146;s sense of feel and his differentiation between different textures. Soon, your child will be gathering new objects and expanding on his or her sense of touch. Also, sit down and feel the wind blowing against your hand and hair. Your child will likely do the same. This will inspire his ears to do their part as well. Hear the magic: Not only will your child feel the direction in which the wind is blowing, but she will hear the effects of the wind on objects surrounding her. Your child can hear the branches swaying in the wind or the rain pitter-pattering on the leaves on the forest floor. Your child#146;s ears will be touched by the waves on the lake caused by the wind. When there is practically no wind at all, the birds, the bees, and the flowing stream will enchant your child#146;s ears. When simply taking a walk, what does the crunch under your feet on different terrain such as wood, stones, leaves sound like? What is that noise off in the distance#151;thunder, a falling tree, a howling wolf? Getting your kids out in nature is the first step to awakening your child#146;s senses for a lifetime of joy and learning. This encourages creativity, independent thinking, and an appreciation for the natural world. About the Author: Mark J. Stevens, author of LUISA'S NATURE (Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing, Spring 2008), is a news journalist currently working in Europe. Fluent in French, Spanish, and German, he has enjoyed extensive travel much of his life. Shaped by the rural New Jersey setting of his youth, Mark continues to explore the richness of nature with his wife and two children on the outskirts of Munich, Germany. He also belongs to several parenting and nature organizations in the U.S. and Europe. For more information, visit www.luisasnature.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

RELAXATION: Be the Master of Your Universe By Laura Stack, The Productivity Pro www.TheProductivityPro.com/blog It may seem a tad paradoxical, but you can't be productive if you don't know how to relax. Leisure activities and relaxation like reading, talking, playing games, and other non-gadget pastimes can reduce your stress levels and increase your energy. Step off the merry-go-round. If you've recently undergone a particularly busy spell, you may be addicted to going full-throttle. When your mind's sick and tired of working, but your body can't stop, you need to slam on the brakes. Understand that rest isn't a bad thing. You don't feel guilty about going to the bathroom, so why feel guilty about resting? While too much rest can cut into your productivity, an occasional break is necessary to top up your energy reserves. Set aside some "me" time. Pamper yourself occasionally; it's okay to think about yourself and do something simply for the pleasure of it. It's not about being selfish; it's about self-care and energy replenishment. Don't feel guilty when you play. When you're playing, don't dwell on what you could be doing instead. Be present in your play and enjoy yourself. After all, if you wait until all your work is done before you play, you'll never play. Don't be a workaholic. If you're a workaholic, get help. Too much work can literally make you sick. You're likely to burn out, which can lead to depression, excessive physical and emotional stress, and a shortage of physical energy. Learn to unwind. If you find yourself unable to relax after a stressful day, try progressive relaxation for 30 minutes. It quiets your mind, and it's particularly helpful if you suffer from insomnia. Take regular vacations. Stress and leisure are inversely proportional: the less leisure time you build into your overall life, the more stress you'll experience -- and that translates into less energy. Take all the vacation time you're due. Don't jam up vacations with work. Work and play are meant to be separate, so make sure they stay that way. A working vacation isn't a vacation -- it's work. The quality of a vacation isn't measured by the output, so leave your cell phone, Blackberry, and laptop at home. Learn to take it easy to you can become more productive than ever. This might sound like something Zen, but the truth is that even seemingly quiet, relaxing uses of free time are energy-builders -- not energy drains. copy; 2008 Laura Stack. Laura Stack ( www.TheProductivityPro.com/blog ) is a motivational speaker who helps busy workers Leave the Office Earlierreg; with Maximum Results in Minimum Time#153;. She is the president of The Productivity Proreg;, Inc., a time management firm specializing in productivity improvement in high-stress organizations. Since 1992, Laura has given presentations on improving output, lowering stress, and saving time in today#146;s workplaces, for companies such as Microsoft, Starbucks, and 3M. She is the bestselling author of The Exhaustion Cure (2008); Find More Time (2006); and Leave the Office Earlier (2004). To have Laura speak at your event, call 303-471-7401. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Silent Mentoring By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller www.personalpowerpress.com "Hello Jasmine," Mrs. Roberts said as she passed the thirteen-year-old middle schooler in the hall between classes. Deliberate and sustained eye contact accompanied the simple greeting. Jasmine nodded and both student and educator continued on their way toward individual destinations. The scenario above appears to be a typical exchange between a teacher and her student, the kind of thing that occurs routinely in any middle school, on any day, in any part of the world. In reality, this meeting is far from typical. Mrs. Johnson does not have Jasmine as a student and the greeting was planned deliberately with specific intention. It was part of a much larger effort called Silent Mentoring. Silent Mentoring is a program currently being implemented by many schools who are concerned about students who do not appear to be connected. These isolates have few friends and spend much time alone. They eat by themselves, study by themselves, and walk the halls by themselves. They seem to be on the outside looking in and are never really part of the action. Silent Mentoring is an effort by professional educators to reach out to these students and connect. Students are identified as candidates for this program based on observations made by teachers, administrators, and counselors. The students are not told that they have been selected. They are matched with a volunteer educator, one who does not currently have the student in class. Not every teacher in these schools participate. Once the educator and student are matched up the educators are expected to make three reach out efforts a week. Reach out strategies can include morning greetings, asking the student how he liked the assembly, or commenting on the book the he selected in the media center. Other strategies that are detailed in the Silent Mentoring handbook include; A.Sending "I noticed" Statements. "I noticed you like to wear red." "I noticed you read a lot of sports books." "I noticed you got here a little late this morning." "I noticed" is not designed to evaluate as in "I noticed you did a good job." It is intended to deliver an important message, "I see you. You are not invisible here." B.Touch with Your Eyes Use sustained eye contact. Eyes say, "I care about you. You are important to me." C.Engage in Proximity Behavior This strategic placement move puts you in the proximity of the student you wish to influence. Purposefully be in the vicinity of that student more than you normally would. Making a conscious effort to be around him or her shows interest and concern. And this happens simply by your presence. D.Smile Do this with intentionality. Be genuine and sincere. E.Use Names The sweetest sound in any language is the sound of your own name. "Good morning, Juan." "Melinda, you look like you are in a hurry." "Is this seat taken, Tevi?" Silent Mentoring takes its name from the fact that no formal announcements are made that the event is happening. There is no structured time in which it has to occur. No newspaper articles are written. No sound bites are delivered. The entire process is pretty much a secret. Silent mentoring happens best and has the biggest impact when students least expect it. That's why students are not assigned to their regular teacher. If the reach out program is implemented in the classroom students often think it is being done because it is your job. After all you are their teacher. You are being paid to like them. Reach out in the hall, in the lunchroom, and at the basketball game. Do it if you run into the student downtown or in the mall. Do not require students to respond. You might say "hello" and get nothing back. Eye contact and smiles may not be returned. Keep reaching out anyway. You are touching this student on some level whether you see the results or not. Do you know an isolated student who feels that no one likes them? Do you see someone who doesn't seem to fit in or belong? Are you aware of someone who needs some connectedness in their life? Do you know that for relationships in general can improve for this student she has to develop a relationship with someone and realize that someone likes her? Guess who has the best chance of becoming that person for this student? Why not be a Silent Mentor? Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman are the authors of Teaching the Attraction Principle#153; to Children: Practical Strategies for Parents and Teachers to Help Children Manifest a Better World . They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for educators. To sign up for it or to obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your professional staff development needs, visit their website today: www.personalpowerpress.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

School's Out, I Thought it Would Stop: Bullying at Summer Camp By Derek Randel www.stoppingschoolviolence.com My ten year-old son, Kevin, was sitting at dinner last night playing with his food. I could tell something was wrong. Finally, he let it out, "I thought I wouldn't be picked on, at least for the summer." It turns out that he was being bullied again at day camp. I contacted the camp director and informed him of what Kevin told me. His response was, "We didn't see anything so there is nothing we can do." If I understand this correctly, at least one of his campers is scared to return to camp and he says there is nothing he can do about this situation? This is not acceptable. I believe there is a lack of concern at the administrative level and a lack of training and support for the counselors. Most camp counselors are high school or college students. How much do they know about recognizing, addressing, and preventing bullying? Many people believe bullying is something that happens to all children and#8232; we're just making a fuss over this. They will get over it, right? Maybe we should just tell them to grow up and handle it? Wrong. Adults shouldn't be ignoring it. We need to stop the "boys will be boys" mentality. Signs Something Might Be Wrong Discuss these areas with your child and their counselor if you suspect he/she is being bullied. Notice if he always seems very hungry. Maybe someone is taking his lunch or lunch money. Does she have a fear of going to certain activities? There is a reason she may have this fear: it could be her dislike for the activities, she may not be confident about the craft, or possibly, she is being bullied. Does he have missing belongings or torn clothes? You may want to look at whether this is his normal pattern or completely out of character. How often does this happen? Does he have lots of bruises or cuts? Does she play alone or with friends while at camp? Does he have stomachaches, headaches, anxiety, sleeplessness, depression, and flashes of anger or hostility? Does he need to see the camp nurse often? Options for Parents and Counselors: Our job as parents, teachers, and counselors is to provide tools for #8232;our children to handle bullying. Empowering your camper to handle each #8232;situation is the best way to get involved. We want the victim to know that the bullying is the problem, not him. He has the right to feel safe and secure at all times. Tips for Counselors: Talk to the campers about feeling safe. This is the easiest place to start, but most do not do this. #8232;Encourage the child to report any bullying incidents to you. Validate your camper's feelings. It is normal for the victim to feel hurt, #8232;sad, and angry. Ask the camper how they have tried to stop the bullying. #8232; Coach the camper in alternatives: playing in a different place, playing a different game, staying near a#8232; counselor, and looking for new friends. #8232;#8232; Avoidance can also be an excellent #8232;strategy. Encourage the child to seek help from all camp personnel including the #8232;support staff. #8232;#8232;#8232;#8232; Teach about self-respect. A good topic for open discussions is: why does someone else's opinion of you count more than your own? Avoid labeling or name-calling. Model the behavior you want. Counselors must model desired behavior. Hazing, name-calling and making fun of campers cannot be permitted. What to Look for in a Summer Camp We want our children to feel wanted, safe, and successful at camp. Here are a few items to discuss with the camp director before signing your child up. Ask about camp supervision of children. This has been found to be of prime importance. Low#8232; levels of camp supervision, particularly on the playground, locker rooms, and in#8232; cabins, need to be addressed. The camp climate needs to be one of warmth and acceptance of all#8232; campers. Counselors' attitudes toward aggression, skills with regard to#8232; supervision and abilities to intervene can change how campers react to each bullying #8232;situation. How much training do the counselors receive? Counselors have reported that locker rooms are prime locations for bullying. How many counselors are placed in the locker areas? There needs to be at least two because one counselor shouldn#146;t be in the locker room or showers alone with campers. Good communication between the camp and parents is very important. How often do the counselors talk with the parents? Does the camp have group discussions about bullying? This topic needs to be out in the open. How does the camp staff address bullying incidents? Do they talk with the bully and victim separately or together? It needs to be done separately. #8232; Do they monitor the behavior of the bully and the safety of the victim on a #8232;camp-wide basis? All personnel need to be involved. If the counselors are#8232; not aware of who is bullying whom, then how will they be able to watch #8232;specifically for the bully or the victim? Just like in schools, bullies must be held accountable for their actions. Counselors must set limits and boundaries without using idle threats if they want to be taken seriously. Parents must ask their camp directors about their counselors#146; training. If you're uncomfortable with their answer, then there is always another camp for your child. Summers are supposed to be fun, and above all, safe. Derek Randel is a parent coach who speaks nationally on how to remove the yelling from your home and how to protect your child/student from bullying and school violence. Derek has been seen on many television shows and is heard on radio shows around the country. He is the author of Stopping School Violence and was nominated for a Disney American Teacher Award. He also is a certified stepfamily coach through the Step-Family Foundation. For more information visit www.stoppingschoolviolence.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

PG-13 Isn't For Young Kids By Nancy Carlsson-Paige www.nancycarlssonpaige.com ALTHOUGH THE recently released movie "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" is rated PG-13, it is being marketed to preschoolers through TV ads and movie-linked toys and merchandise. This kind of marketing is unethical and has been going on for years. The Federal Trade Commission, in its landmark report published in 2000, exposed the movie industry for marketing to children younger than the ages the industry's own rating system considers appropriate. Even so, the wrongful practice continues. Film companies have aggressively marketed PG-13 movies like "Hulk," "Spiderman," "X-Men," "Iron Man," and many others, to young children through toys, many of them violent, fast food tie-ins, TV ads, and merchandise. Promotions to young children are already underway for this summer's violent blockbusters "The Incredible Hulk" and "The Dark Knight," with hundreds of toys and child-targeted merchandise. I have interviewed hundreds of parents who say they feel exasperated and helpless by how films are marketed to their children. One parent, Nina, said to me recently, "My 5-year-old son, Jacob, saw the ad on TV for the "Iron Man" toy at Burger King, and now he's begging to get it and to seethe movie." Such marketing campaigns confuse many parents. The toys are labeled appropriate for young children and carry no information indicating that the movie may not be. The industry says parents should decide what's right for their children to see but then does everything to undermine parental choice and control. From my years studying child development, I know that entertainment violence can confuse, scare, and desensitize children. Young children don't see what adults see when they see violence on the screen. Violent images have a stronger impact on children because they can't put these images in a context of motive and plot or pull away from them by thinking about something else. Children can't be sure that the violence they see is pure fiction. Young children confuse fantasy and reality. Maybe this can really happen to them. Perhaps this frightening character can come through their window at night "Transformer" toys armed with heavy machine guns for 4-year-olds and toys poised with rifles and guns in both hands for preschoolers teach powerful lessons: Violence is fun. We do it for play. Violence is how you settle conflicts; the world is made up of "good guys" and "enemies," hurting others is OK - it's even entertaining. As teachers around the country report, children bring these "social lessons" into their relationships in school and into their play, and both become more violent. The American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Medical Association and other medical groups have reviewed research and issued warnings: Viewing entertainment violence increases aggression and antisocial behavior and desensitizes children to violence, hardening them to the pain inflicted on others. This is troublesome because we want children to learn empathy for others in the early years, not develop a numbness to how others feel. We have seen many worrisome examples in recent years of young people who can shoot classmates and inflict pain on others without any apparent feelings for them: We need government regulations that will stop the deliberate and unethical marketing of PG-13 films to young children. The Motion Picture Association of America could take action but it refuses to do anything. We need a film ratings board that operates outside of industry control. Regulations wouldn't limit choices for parents. They would still be free to take their children, no matter what their ages, to see the films parents choose. But the industry would no longer be allowed to interfere by enticing children with TV ads, toys, food tie-ins, and merchandise - with the decisions that parents want to make for their children. And if these harmful marketing practices were to stop, it would help the nation's children take a step away from violence toward greater empathy and a stronger sense of security and emotional well-being. Nancy Carlsson-Paige is author of "Taking Back Childhood" and a professor of education at Lesley University. For more information visit www.nancycarlssonpaige.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>