When Your Child is the Bully: Five Important Issues to Address By Derek Randel www.stoppingschoolviolence.com "The phone rang one night last week and it was Mr. Scott, my son's math teacher. He was informing me that my son, Ben, was hitting other students and even threatened Mr. Scott. In our home, we do not like this math teacher very much because he is always picking on Ben. Why would my son bully anyone? We are an affluent and loving family." If a teacher calls home with these concerns, should a parent be upset with the teacher? Should they immediately take their child's side? Why would they listen to a teacher and assume that the teacher is correct? Unfortunately, this is what is happening too often. Maybe we should consider there might be some truth in what the teacher is calling you about. If your child's teacher calls telling you that your child is bullying others and threatening the teacher, then this needs to be a wake up call. I would recommend to any parent if they're told their child is a bully to look for the following: Uncontrolled anger, history of discipline problems, intolerance for differences, violent or aggressive behavior, expression of violence in writings or drawings, cruelty to animals, and destruction of property. These are just a few of numerous telling behaviors. Threatening a teacher should get your attention and get the child expelled. Over a five-year period in the United States, 1.3 million teachers were victims to non-fatal crimes at school. This is a growing problem that needs to be addressed. In Ontario, Canada, 40% of teachers report being bullied by students. In Finland, nearly one in five Finnish teachers and one in three principals are targeted with bullying and mental violence by students' parents. In the United Kingdom, 61% of teachers have experienced verbal insults and threats and 34% had been subjected to "physical aggression". This is a serious problem that no parent should take lightly. Five steps to take: Discuss the topic of firearms The easy access to firearms has led to numerous school shootings and accidental shootings. It would seem like a common sense move to keep them away from children. Unfortunately, this is not always possible. You must talk to your child about this topic. Owning a gun is fine. However, they need to be locked and placed in a secure location. Having trigger locks is also a good idea. The topic MUST be brought up in discussions with your children. Control the amount of violent television shows and video games. There's evidence that people become less sensitive to violence after observing it over and over. When children play violent video games for an extended period of time, the following can occur: Tendency to be more aggressive More likely to have confrontation with their teachers Possibly encourage fights with their peers Decline in school achievements Increases in aggressive behavior because violent acts are continually repeated throughout the video game. Repetition has long been considered an effective teaching method in reinforcing learning patterns. The interactive quality of video games differs from passively viewing television or movies because it allows players to become active participants in the game's script. Players are rewarded for their violent acts by moving up levels resulting in playing for longer time periods. Parenting skills can be addressed Most of the time, bullies are also victims and it could be coming from the home. Are you, your spouse, or a sibling a bully at home? Does your child frequently get criticized at home? Is there an abusive parent in the home? Does anyone yell or use name-calling or put-downs? Many times we do not recognize the habits we have. However, addressing our parenting can make life much more enjoyable for all. Address supervision Is there a lack of supervision at home? Maybe the child has too much time alone. Children get into more trouble between the hours of 3 p.m. and 6 p.m. because of having too much free time. Limit your child's unsupervised time. Also, spend more time with your child and their friends by inviting their friends over while you're home. Work with the schools, not against the schools Meet with school officials. Let them know there is a problem and ask them, "How can we work together to solve this?" Realize this may just be a wake up call that should be stopped before it becomes a huge habit. Working together with the teacher and principal should be more helpful than working against each other and passing the blame. This is extremely important because we won't have to face this situation alone. They may have dealt with this topic numerous times in the past. Yes, your child could be a bully. We want to prepare our children for the real world and not protect them from it. Bailing your child out from consequences can lead to you needing to bail him out of jail in the future. Students must be held accountable for their actions. Derek Randel is a parent coach who speaks nationally on how to remove the yelling from your home and how to protect your child/student from bullying and school violence. Derek has been seen on many television shows and is heard on radio shows around the country. He is the author of Stopping School Violence and was nominated for a Disney American Teacher Award. He also is a certified stepfamily coach through the Step-Family Foundation. For more information visit www.stoppingschoolviolence.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

When Parent#146;s Disagree on Discipline By Armin Brott www.mrdad.com Dear Mr. Dad: My wife and I discipline our children in very different ways. Oftentimes it leads to us arguing in front of them. What can we do to prevent this? A: When parents have different disciplining styles, there#146;s bound to be dissention and arguing. Tension#146;s a given anytime two or more people work on the same project but each take a different approach. Co-parenting is similar to any other partnership. Each person brings to the table what#146;s been learned along the way. As parents, we#146;re influenced by the disciplinary approaches we experienced growing up, and we tend to apply them to our children#151;often without first talking them through with our partner. Imagine a baseball team#151;eager to win a game#151;but guided by two coaches who follow different rules and dish out contradictory information. Imagine the tension and the reactions of the players as they witness the coaches quarreling. When you and your wife fight in front of the children, you may not be aware of the ways in which they are affected. Some children may learn #147;that must be the way people resolve conflicts.#148; Others may learn how to play one parent against the other, which causes even more confusion and distress in the family. The bottom line? You and your wife should try to get on the same page. That#146;s the best way to stop arguing with your kids as witnesses. Here are some strategies that can be helpful: Agree on a signal to alert both of you that the conversation is, or is about to, get too heated and needs to be halted. Make a commitment both to honor and act on the signal. You might walk away and have an agreed-upon cooling off period. Or set a time to revisit your differences in opinion. Or write down what you#146;re feeling and later share it with your partner, who might better understand where you#146;re coming from. Create your own family #147;rulebook.#148; Write clear, reasonable, attainable rules (for both parents and kids) about what behavior is acceptable and what isn#146;t. Your family, like a baseball team, will be more successful when you have clear guidelines. Consider taking a few parenting classes together. That way you#146;ll have a common parenting experience to draw on. Hearing how other people parent (and why) can give a fresh perspective on what you want for your own family. Even though we may have learned how to parent from our parents, as adults we benefit from learn new skills. Seek a professional third party if you can#146;t find ways to work together in the areas you want to improve. Sometimes an outside perspective helps us understand the underlying reasons for disagreements. Remember your successes. During your marriage, you and your wife have undoubtedly successfully negotiated many situations#151;with each of you both giving and taking a little until you reached some middle ground. You also be successful at ending arguments in front of the children if you really want to . It won#146;t be easy, but it will be rewarding. And your children will be the ultimate winners. Having said all that, it#146;s important not to go overboard in trying to avoid arguments. Having small squabbles in front of the kids#151;and then resolving them peacefully#151;can actually be good for them; it shows that it#146;s possible to disagree with someone you love, and that relationships don#146;t end just because people are quarreling with each other. Armin Brott bestselling books including the recent release Fathering Your School Age Child have helped millions of men around the world become the fathers they want to be#151;and their children need them to be. His most recent is Fathering Your School-Age Child. Armin has been a guest on hundreds of radio and television shows , writes a nationally syndicated column, #147;Ask Mr. Dad,#148; and hosts a weekly radio show. He and his family live in Oakland, California. For more information visit www.mrdad.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

"Pick Me Up Mommy" Ten Reasons to Hold Your Toddler By Joanne Baum Some parents begin to think that toddlers shouldn't be held as much as they were holding their babies a few months ago. But I think that's largely a misperception. Toddlers still need a lot of holding. Think of life from their perspective: They've just discovered a whole perspective on the world from their legs instead of their knees. They can see more, climb more, explore more - which is heady fun stuff and scary to them when they touch more things that go "crash" and break or fall and thump. They need reassurance that where their brains are taking them is safe. They need more explanations of the new encounters they don't understand. And they need holding and nurturing so they feel safe and can go back out there and explore some more... Why They Need "Arm Time" They need reassurance that where their brains are taking them to is safe. They need explanations for the new experiences they don't understand. They need holding and nurturing so they feel safe and can go back out there and explore some more. Toddlers still have "needs" for closeness and holding. Toddlers are not as independent creatures as they may seem at times. Toddlers are still very young and holding, when they ask for it, it's still important to do with a generous heart. Parents are feeding their child's self-esteem, confidence, trust, and sociability by holding them when they ask for it. A child usually asks for holding when they need some security, closeness and human connection. The world is still a pretty foreign place to them and that need for human connection, to feel secure; to feel safe is important to their developing beings. If you hold a toddler with resentment, or mixed feelings, the toddler will feel your unwillingness and that may make him feel more insecure and want to be held more - so when you do hold your child, hold your child lovingly, willingly and with compassion and a desire to give that child exactly what she needs. I think toddlerhood is too young to stop a child from asking for "uppys" It's a time to willingly give uppys. If your child is too heavy for you, then tell your child you'd love to cuddle with him on the coach or in a comfy chair instead of holding him as you walk around the house. But give your child the cuddles he/she is asking for them. You're nurturing your child and it's good for your child to get those needs for nurturing met. If it feels like it's "too much" for you, ask yourself if you've been ignoring or neglecting your child's requests for other kinds of attention, or pre-occupied with work/personal things and unable to give your child as much as your child needs...If so, realize that your young child needs a lot from you. When you became a parent, hopefully you signed on for becoming and being a great parent, not just a barely adequate one. Feel good that your child feels safe enough to ask you for 'uppys'. Also, remember - this parenting thing goes really fast. Before you know it your child won't be asking for "uppy" anymore. And before you know it you'll be fondly remembering the cuddly times and wishing your child wanted more cuddles. By adolescence, you won't be cuddling nearly as often and that comes sooner than you think when you're looking at your toddler and wondering if your body will ever be yours again. Joanne Baum, PhD., LCSW, has been a therapist, parenting coach, educator, and writer for over thirty years. Her latest book, Got the Baby Where's the Manual?!? won the 2007 IPPY Gold Medal in Parenting. You can find more information on her web-site: www.respectfulparenting.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Your Personal Productivity Personality and Self-Sabotage By Laura Stack, The Productivity Pro reg; www.TheProductivityPro.com Have you ever considered that your biggest obstacle to finding more time might be YOU? The way you react to the world may be the reason you stay overwhelmed. To fix this you need to look at your behavior, habits, and choices, and then figure out which ones to adjust in order to support your desired direction in life. Here are a few tips that can help you do just that. Control perfectionism. Realize that some things are good enough as they are. Instead of worrying about making things perfect, learn to leave well enough alone. Obsessing over small details can be deadly to your productivity. Refuse requests when appropriate. You don't have to say "yes" to everything, whether that involves accepting extra work or baking brownies for a kid's party. Set boundaries about what you'll accept, and learn to say no to yourself, too. Ask for help you need it. You're not a superhero; you can't do everything alone. Surround yourself with a team of helpers, and don't be afraid to delegate things that other people can do. Avoid procrastinating. You know what you should be doing, so get out there and do it. If you put it off until tomorrow, you'll just end up working harder at the last minute -- and both your energy and quality of work will suffer. Know and honor your energy levels throughout the day. Nobody has an unlimited supply of energy, so you'll have to learn how your personal energy levels ebb and flow in order to get through the day effectively. Communicate clearly to avoid confusion and rework. Good interpersonal communication will help you reduce unnecessary problems and wasted time. Share information, state your expectations up front, and be specific. Consistently meet and usually beat deadlines. If you get things done on time -- or preferably early -- you'll save yourself unnecessary stress, and your work will generally be of higher quality than if you waited until the last minute. Focus on completing one task before getting distracted by another. When you turn your full attention to a task, your output is increased, you perform better, less rework is required, and your peace of mind is enhanced. Maintain a positive attitude. Accept the responsibility for your own stress levels. While you can't control everything, you can look for the good in every experience, and learn to avoid "stinking thinking" in all its many forms. Stop trying to please all the people all of the time. Stop caring so much about what other people think. Being a people-pleaser is a debilitating pattern of behavior that can cause stress and ruin the productive pursuit of your own goals. As singer Ricky Nelson once pointed out, "You can't please everyone, so you have to please yourself." So take charge of your life. Learn to focus, stop beating around the bush, and don't be too proud to ask for and accept help if you need it. Most of all, kick the guilt habit. Guilt is a junk emotion that keeps you from unlocking your true potential. Stop "shoulding" on yourself, and get on with your life! copoy;2008 Laura Stack. Laura Stack ( www.TheProductivityPro.com ) is a professional speaker who helps busy workers Leave the Office Earlierreg; with Maximum Results in Minimum Time#8482;. She is the president of The Productivity Proreg;, Inc., a time management company in Denver, Colorado, that caters to high-stress industries. Laura is the bestselling author of the books Find More Time (2006) and Leave the Office Earlier (2004). Her newest productivity book, The Exhaustion Cure (2008, Broadway Books), is available for pre-order at Amazon.com. Laura is a spokesperson for Microsoft, 3M, and Day-Timersreg;, Inc and has been featured on the CBS Early Show, CNN, and the New York Times. Her clients include Cisco Systems, Sunoco, KPMG, Nationwide, and Microsoft.Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

The Boy Who Saved Thousands of Lives By Reg Green On the night, thirteen years ago, that my seven-year-old son, Nicholas, was shot we were on vacation, driving along the main road in Southern Italy between Naples and Sicily. He was asleep, propped up on the back seat next to his sister, four-year-old Eleanor, and I, driving beside my wife, Maggie, probably thought, as I often did on these long car rides: "How can anyone be this happy?" All this changed when a car that had been following us, instead of overtaking, ran alongside for a few seconds and through the night we heard loud, angry, savage cries - the words indistinguishable but clearly telling us to stop. It seemed to me that if we did stop we would be completely at their mercy. So instead I accelerated. They accelerated too. I floored the car, they floored theirs and the two cars raced alongside each other through the night. A few seconds later, any illusions that this was just a reckless prank vanished, as a bullet shattered the window where the two children were sleeping. Maggie turned around to make sure they were safe. Both appeared to be sleeping peacefully. A second or two later, the driver's window was blown in. But by now, we were beginning to pull away and at last they disappeared back into the night. It turned out later that they had mistaken our rental car, with its Rome license plates, for another that was delivering jewelry to stores. We raced on, looking for somewhere with lights and people. As it happened, there had been an accident on the road and the police were already there. I stopped the car and got out. The interior light came on but Nicholas didn't move. I looked closer and saw his tongue was sticking out and there was a trace of vomit on his chin. One of those bullets had hit him in the head. Over the next two days his brain slowly died and all the brightly-colored dreams of a young idealist, who had planned to do such deeds as the world has never known, died too. For a while, Maggie and I sat silently, holding hands, and trying to absorb the finality of it all. I remember thinking, "How am I going to get through the rest of my life without him?" Never to run my fingers through his hair again, never to hear him say, "Goodnight, Daddy." Then one of us - we don't remember who but, knowing her, I feel sure it was Maggie - said, "Now that he's gone, shouldn't we donate the organs?" The other one said "yes," and that's all there was to it. It was just so obvious: he didn't need that body anymore. There were seven recipients, four of them teenagers and two others the parents of young children. One, Andrea, was a boy of 15 who had had five operations on his heart, all of which had failed. By now, he could scarcely walk to the door of his apartment. Domenica had never seen her baby's face clearly. Francesco, a keen sportsman, could no longer see his children play games. Two of the teenagers, Anna-Maria and Tino, had been hooked up to dialysis machines for years to ward off kidney failure, four hours a day, three days a week, and already aware that they might never become adults. Silvia was a diabetic who was going blind, had been in multiple comas and couldn't walk without help. Finally, there was a vivacious 19-year old girl, Maria Pia, who was in her final coma from liver failure. Since then, all seven have had new lives. To think of just one of them: Maria Pia, who bounced back to health, married in the full bloom of womanhood and has had two children, a boy and a girl - two whole lives that would never have been. And, yes, she named her boy Nicholas. More than that, the story captured the imagination of the world. In Italy alone, organ donation rates have tripled, so that thousands of people are alive, many of them children, who otherwise would have died. Obviously, an increase of that magnitude - not even remotely approached in other developed countries - must have a variety of causes, but it seems clear that Nicholas' story was a catalyst that changed the attitude of an entire nation. Organ donation goes beyond even life-saving surgery, however, to a new level of understanding. A young woman from Rome wrote this to us: "Since when your son has died, my heart is beating faster. I think that people, common persons, can change the world. When you go to the little graveyard place please say this to him, 'They closed your eyes, but you opened mine.' " Reg Green is the father of Nicholas Green, a seven-year-old California boy who was shot in Italy in a botched robbery in 1994. The decision by Reg and his wife, Maggie, to donate his organs led to a worldwide increase in awareness of the shortage of donors. Since then the Greens have campaigned around the world, producing documentaries, writing articles and giving speeches. A made-for-television movie, "Nicholas' Gift," starring Jamie Lee Curtis, was made of their story. Reg, who was born in Britain, is a journalist and has written two books, "The Nicholas Effect" and "The Gift that Heals." Reg Green has just written a new book, called "The Gift that Heals." For more information visit www.nicholasgreen.org . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Children Need More Protection By Nancy Carlsson-Paige www.nancycarlsson-paige.com ''The Bourne Identity,'' an action spy thriller based on Robert Ludlum's best-selling novel, is a box-office hit. It's got martial arts-style fights, violent combat with esoteric weapons, and chase scenes that excite lovers of the action-movie genre. To them it's great entertainment. OK. But ''The Bourne Identity'' is not a movie for children. So why is this movie rated PG-13 (''some material may be inappropriate for children under 13'')? Because the film ratings board is made up of people who are handpicked by the movie industry and work for it, because the ratings are given according to criteria that have never been made available to the public, and because the industry wants the lowest ratings possible in order to maximize profits. Decisions about who buys those tickets at the box office and whether or not a movie is good for them to see will always be in conflict with the bottom line. In the last few years, we have seen a ratings slippage. Movies once rated PG-13 are now PG, and movies once rated R are now PG-13. Both the quantity and the intensity of violence in films rated OK for kids to see have increased. In the PG-13 movie ''The Mummy,'' for example, eyes and tongues are ripped out, arms are chopped off, and people are shot to death and burned alive. In ''Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones,'' rated PG (''some material may not be suitable for young children''), a father is decapitated, and his boy finds the severed head in a helmet. And this isn't the half of it. In September 2000, the Federal Trade Commission published a landmark report showing how the movie industry has routinely marketed violent entertainment to children under the ages considered appropriate by the industry's own rating system. The report described a host of unethical marketing practices used by the industry to draw children into violent entertainment. One common way is to market violent toys linked to movies rated PG-13 or R to children as young as 4. This was done with ''Godzilla,'' ''Tomb Raider,'' ''Starship Troopers,'' ''Small Soldiers,'' and ''Spider-Man,'' to name just a few. Often, toys linked to these movies are also linked to other media such as television shows and video games. These toys and their merchandising campaigns draw children into a culture of violence from a young age and help lay the foundation for violent behavior in later life. Two years ago, six major medical groups - including the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Medical Association, and the American Psychological Association - got together and issued a statement on the effects of entertainment violence on children. After reviewing hundreds of studies, they found an overwhelming causal connection between media violence and aggressive behavior in some children. They also found that children who watch a lot of media violence can become desensitized to violence in real life. This makes sense. Children are more affected by the violent acts they see on the screen and less able to understand them in a context of character, motive, and plot than adults are. Because of this, children are especially vulnerable to the desensitizing effects of violence in entertainment. We have seen many worrisome examples in recent years of young people who can shoot classmates or inflict pain on others without any apparent feelings for them. A Gallup poll revealed that 86 percent of Americans think the amount of violence children see in movies is a serious problem. Six in ten adults say that the information provided by the Hollywood ratings system is inadequate for making judgments about appropriate entertainment for kids. A better system of rating movies is needed, as are controls on the unethical marketing practices identified in the FTC report. Those of us who push for these changes are warned of the danger in limiting freedom of expression. But when seven major media conglomerates own most of the media we consume, exercise almost unlimited control over most of the images to which we are exposed, and are free to market their wares to children without concern for what is best for them, do we want to stand by and claim that it is their First Amendment right to do so? What about the rights of parents and children to live without the pervasive presence of violent media images in their everyday lives? Children are vulnerable. They do need protection. It is not good for them to be exposed to images that make hurting other people look like fun, that encourage them to play with violent toys designed to reenact violence they've seen on the screen. We need to take steps to create a better and healthier entertainment climate for children. A reasonable start would be to restrict the marketing to children of toys and products linked to movies rated for older age groups and to create an independent film ratings board, one that operates outside of industry control. When you think about what the stakes are and what we already know about how violent entertainment affects children, these seem like small, long-overdue baby steps. copy; Copyright 2002 Globe Newspaper Company. Nancy Carlsson-Paige is a professor of education at Lesley University and the mother of Matt Damon, who plays Jason Bourne in "The Bourne Identity." Nancy Carlsson-Paige is a professor of early childhood education at Lesley University and a research affiliate at Lesley's Center for Children, Families, and Public Policy. Nancy has co-authored four books and written numerous articles on media violence, conflict resolution, peaceable classrooms and global education. Her latest book is called Taking Back Childhood: Helping Your Kids Thrive in a Fast-Paced, Media-Saturated, Violence-Filled World . For more information visit www.nancycarlsson-paige.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Buying Tips for Women: Never Be Oversold Again By Kelly McCormick www.mccormickteam.com "How did I spend double what I had budgeted?" Is that scenario familiar? Today, more than ever, many women find themselves up against sellers determined to squeeze every penny out of their wallets. The reason is very simple. Worldwide, women now make up the largest buying group in existence. Female Buyers, Beware Many companies are working overtime to understand what women really need and want from their products and services. They are also striving to sell in ways that fit a woman's unique buying style. Unfortunately, in addition to the conscientious sellers trying to hone in on a woman's needs, there are countless vendors tripping over themselves in hopes of making a quick buck. They have caught on to the fact that there is significant spending power in a woman's wallet. Even if the seller doesn't have exactly what a woman needs, they're determined to sell her something... anything . They see the opportunity as ripe for cashing in-at a woman's expense. Give Voice to Your Opinions Should you approach the buying experience as if preparing for a battle? No. However, as women we do need to get more comfortable in stating with confidence what will and won't work for us. Saying NO hasn't always been easy for women. Throughout history, speaking out about what we did or didn't want often meant standing out-and not in a good way. Many societies view women as a calm presence in the world. Traditionally part of our role has been to keep the waters smooth. We are revered as the mediators and peacekeepers of the human condition, of which we can be proud. That is, until we pay the metaphorical price. Saying NO can be uncomfortable. The common fear is that saying NO will offend someone. Worse yet, saying NO could alienate us from others. To avoid creating any hard feelings or difficult situations, many women will steer clear of saying NO, regardless of the cost. Maybe I Will and Maybe I Won't Women can be the mistresses of ways to skim around issues. We should get an award for the number of carefully crafted ways we can indirectly say NO without ever uttering the letters N and O. The predicament this creates is one in which our indirect communication only points out that we can be swayed into saying YES. When a woman doesn't set a definitive boundary, what she consciously or unconsciously communicates is that her stand isn't a firm one. Sellers know that moving her from an indirect NO to a direct YES is an easy probability. Many sellers are up for that challenge. Avoid Sending Mixed Messages We can't fix what we don't recognize. Women tend to use qualifiers when we speak. Qualifiers can be words or statements that instantly change the message about how certain we are about something, the four most common being "sort of," "kind of," "I think," and "I guess." Most of us are unaware of how often we slip into our sentences these phrases that scream out "I'm really not sure about my decisions." When we do utter them, they quickly reveal how a woman really feels. Just as quickly, they alert the seller to turn up the heat in order to make a sale. Those sellers are waiting to hear qualifying statements like these: "I like this house. There are many things that could sort of work for our family." "You're right. It's a good color on me, even though I was kind of thinking of trying something else." "I think this product will work." "I guess I could try it and see if I like it." Taking a Stand There are gracious ways to deliver a NO: Cushion NO between thanks "Thanks. But no thanks." Be clear and concise "This isn't what I was looking for." Express gratitude "However, I did appreciate the time you took to explain everything to me." Some sellers won't take NO for an answer, at least not right away. Your best course of action in this situation is not to defend your position. Your explanations will only provide an opening for a persistent seller to mount a counter-selling attack. As an alternative, keep repeating the statement, "Thanks, but no thanks." Eventually you'll be heard. If you run across a seller who does have your interests at heart, they may offer more products and services, even after you've graciously said NO. Even so, if you sense they are truly committed to finding what's right for you, hold on to that seller for life. You've found a gem. Final Thoughts The best way to ensure that you aren't oversold is to deliver a clear and direct NO. In doing so, you set boundaries for yourself. Becoming more aware of your communication patterns allows you to communicate more effectively. It also makes saying NO, graciously, much easier. Now you are doing business on your own terms-under NO uncertain terms. Speaker and entrepreneur Kelly McCormick's insider secrets on women and sales have proven to increase selling success on both sides of the counter. Frequently quoted in national media, Kelly offers insightful and entertaining presentations. Her How to Sell to Women and Selling Skills for Women sessions are a hit with corporations, businesses, franchises, and associations, both nationally and internationally. Kelly is the author of the soon-to-be released book OutSell Yourself - Breakthrough the Top 7 Selling Challenges. Born in Canada, Kelly now resides in Southern California. For more information, or to sign up for Kelly's Communication E-tip, visit www.mccormickteam.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Toddler Time into the Terrific Twos: Nine Tips for Maintaining Your Sanity By Joanne Baum, PhD The Parenting Maven www.respectfulparenting.com You no longer are operating in that sleep deprived state. You rarely have spit up on your clothes. You've got the diaper thing down pat, and now your child is beginning to voice his or her concerns, desires, needs, and wants with actual words, sometimes more forcefully than others. You have patience, but it only goes so far, and you're occasionally wishing there was a button to push and mum your child for a few minutes of quiet time ....Down time? Do you remember that? When you could sit on the deck and read for a few hours without interruption... where going on a date with your spouse was not a major financial investment... when babysitters were not even on your radar screen... when skiing was something you did spontaneously...and when this wonderful small human being was not even in your life and you saw parenting as an adventure you were going to embark on as a lovely image in slow motion with a pink haze filter of love looking so alluring. Now your life is more of a fast paced jumble with you at the center playing juggler with too few arms and hands....Who knew? Not to worry - all new parents are in the same position, loving most of it and wondering, at times, how long is 18 years or what did I get myself into.... Nine Tips for the Juggler Parent of a Toddler or Terrific Two Year Old Remember to slow down, watch your child carefully, and be in awe of and in awe with your child, all he is learning and all she is experiencing. Let your child re-introduce you to the world of child time, filled with wonder and awe. Respect your child's individuality. Watch how your child copes. Marvel at his ingenuity, enjoy her creativity. See how your child manipulates through a day. It's all still new and challenging to you and your child. Appreciate your child's moods. Appreciate your child's efforts to interact with the world around him. Understand your child's challenges and frustrations, and avoid some of them. Watch for your child's signals that he is hungry, lonely, tired, needs to be changed, or frustrated and try to avoid those times by anticipating them in advance and circumventing them with fewer errands, healthy snacks, respecting nap time as necessary for your child to rejuvenate herself. Avoid "stimulation overload", which translates into doing too much or being exposed to too much visual and/or auditory stimulation, so your child has to let out the extra stimuli in the form of a tantrum, screaming or other behaviors that are telling you you've pushed your child too much and he or she needs a quiet break. Incorporate time outs into your family routine. You can all take them when you're too emotional to react kindly or gently. Go sit someplace, figure out what's bothering you, and how you want to handle it differently. Then exit out, go back to your family, and share what you've figured out with them. You'll be able to enjoy each other again. Anyone can ask anyone else to please take a time out so you can have a pleasant time together. It's not punishment, it's meant to be a time you can cool out/calm down, by yourself, and come back with a different, lighter attitude. Toddlers and two year olds are incredibly curious small human beings. Their brains are firing off connections at an incredible rate. They are led by their curiosity - don't squelch it, it's the way they learn. Encourage your child's explorations in safe ways. Marvel at the way your child's mind works. Focus on your child. Answer all her inquiries and all his questions completely so you can share your knowledge and insights about the world with your child. Respectfully parent your child and become an awe-full parent - filled with awe and understanding. Respect involves listening to, considering, liking, enjoying and being in a mutual, interactive relationship with your child. Dr. Joanne Baum is a therapist, speaker, author, mediator, and columnist. With more than thirty years of clinical experience Dr. Baum specializes in issues faced by couples, parents, families, and individuals. Joanne does parent coaching in person, via phone or e-mail. Dr. Baum also works as a divorce coach, child specialist, and Child and Family Investigator for divorcing families. Joanne is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, a Board Certified Diplomat in Clinical Social Work, and a Certified Alcoholism Counselor, Level III. Dr. Baum has authored four books including her recent book, Got the Baby...Where's the Manual?!? She has a private practice in Evergreen, Colorado. For more information visit www.respectfulparenting.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

PMS and Pain By Jesse Cannone, CFT, CPRS www.LoseTheBackPain.com It's no secret that many women suffer through their monthly periods, experiencing cramps, bloating and lower back pain, to name just a few. But a large number of them-estimated at anywhere from 30 to 90 percent-also endure the symptoms of premenstrual syndrome (PMS). Most women feel some discomfort before their periods. But if you have PMS, you may feel so anxious, depressed, or uncomfortable that you can't cope at home or at work. What causes PMS? No one know for sure what causes PMS or why some months are worse than others, but PMS is often linked to the changes in hormone levels that happen during a woman's menstrual cycle. PMS is not caused by stress or psychological problems, though these may make the symptoms worse. "We probably don't get nearly enough magnesium from out diet," says Dr. Carolyn Dean, who specializes in managing and healing commonly misdiagnosed and chronic conditions such as hormone imbalance, and mood swings. "The Recommended Daily Allowance for magnesium is 350-400 milligrams (mg) per day, but for optimal health you may need twice as much." Dean, who serves on the medical advisory board of the Healthy Back Institute, suggests taking magnesium supplements to prevent or ease PMS symptoms, including back pain due to water retention. She recommends magnesium citrate and taurate, as well as spraying on magnesium oil that is absorbed through your skin. Some researchers have found that calcium levels are lower in women with PMS and that calcium supplementation may reduce the severity of symptoms. One study, for instance, reported that 300 mg of calcium carbonate four times a day significantly reduced bloating, depression, pain and mood swings. How is PMS diagnosed? There is no single test to diagnose PMS, but because thyroid disease is common in women of childbearing age, and because some of the symptoms of PMS-such as weight gain-are similar to symptoms of thyroid disease, your doctor may do a thyroid test. This can help rule out a thyroid problem as the cause of your symptoms. Often, a doctor will suggest that you keep a diary to track your symptoms for a few months. How is PMS usually treated? Medicines that are commonly prescribed include diuretics to help the body rid itself of extra sodium and fluid, which can ease bloating, weight gain, breast pain, abdominal pain, and back pain. Antidepressants can help with the severe irritability, depression, and anxiety that some women have with PMS. Doctors often prescribe birth control pills to help reduce some PMS symptoms by evening out hormone levels during your cycle. Experts also suggest making some simple diet and lifestyle changes. These include eating more complex carbohydrates (such as whole grain breads, pasta and cereals), more fiber and protein, and more foods rich in potassium (such as fish, beans, and broccoli). Other things you can do: cut back on sugar and fat; avoid iodine salt (to reduce bloating and fluid retention) try sea salts, eliminate or cut back on caffeine and alcohol, get at least eight hours of sleep each night, and get regular aerobic exercise-even a short walk every day can help. In fact, research has shown that frequency-rather than intensity-of exercise can decrease PMS symptoms. Are there alternative treatments? According to a 2004 study in Journal of Alternative and Complementary Medicine , a drugless intervention that may provide relief from PMS is something called "external qigong." First, a little background: Human qi comes from two primary sources: one, your parents; and, two, essential substances in nature such as air, water, and food. Both of these qi sources-inherited and acquired vital energies-are refined and transformed by our organs. By eating a healthy diet and breathing fresh air, the theory goes, the body extracts their most valuable essences and uses them to help form the vital energy. Following these simple principles are the first steps towards creating a healthy balance in the body. In external qigong, a trained practitioner directs his or her own qi outward, with the intention of helping patients' clear blockages, remove negative qi, and balance the flow of qi in the body, thus relieving pain and helping the body to rid itself of certain diseases. Scientists in South Korea report that qigong can improve many of the symptoms associated with PMS, and that it may work as well as more traditional methods of relief. Other techniques-such as breathing exercises, meditation, aromatherapy, and yoga-focus on reducing stress and promoting relaxation. It this regard, it is also advisable (where practical) to schedule events you expect will be stressful-that big family reunion, for example-for the week after your period. And because many women seem to be more sensitive in the weeks before their menstrual period, relaxation experts suggest setting aside personal time to unwind, let out pent-up emotions, and focus on things that will nourish your spirit. You may also want to try evening primrose oil, a plant oil that contains gamma-linolenic acid, which is an omega-6 essential fatty acid. Gamma-linolenic acid is involved in the metabolism of hormone-like substances called prostaglandins that regulate pain and inflammation in the body. Other natural remedies commonly used for PMS: ginkgo, vitamin E, royal jelly, dandelion, wild yam, oligomeric proanthocyanidins(OPCs), uva ursi, St. John's wort, progesterone cream as well as Proteolytic Systemic Enzymes. Always check with your healthcare provider before taking anything new. About the author: Fitness expert and best-selling author, Jesse Cannone, CFT, is the co-owner of www.LoseTheBackPain.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Oops, I Forgot to Have a Baby By Orly Katz www.okcoaching.com That was the startling headline in one of the leading magazines: "Oops, I forgot to have a baby..." The subject was age 40+ women who suddenly realized that, in the race for career, success, and salary, something had slipped their minds. They'd forgotten to have children - to create a family nest alongside their career nest. The article explored the feelings of women who had devoted their entire lives to their careers and were now spending a good deal of their time and resources on fertility treatments that had no guarantee of success. A recent survey of hundreds of women in the U.S. touched on a highly sensitive issue: How do you define success in your life? What would give you a sense of satisfaction and peace? The respondents were married and single women, some of them also mothers. They were all employed, in a range of jobs and ranks - some business owners, others salaried employees, still others freelancers. You might be surprised to learn that the survey results added nothing new to what we've known all along. The things we most desire in our lives are the things that always seem to lie outside our grasp. The responses gave further evidence that women aspire to four ideals in their lives which, for them, are the keys to satisfaction and contentment: Time - time for their families, their partners, their friends, and, yes, for themselves. The pressures of our daily environment obscure everything else. We've got no time to breathe much less smile or just enjoy ourselves a little. Balance - Women seek balance between their work and their personal lives. They want to succeed at work without missing out on a life! They want warm, loving families at the same time they hold satisfying jobs. Control - Over themselves, over time, and over their future finances. They want to act, not react. Great numbers of women launch independent projects or become entrepreneurs. And 38% of all companies in the U.S. are owned by women! Purpose - Women want a reason to get up in the morning. They want to bring about change, to contribute, to feel a sense of purpose. Women want to fill themselves with energy, passion, and drive to do the things they truly believe in. Brenda Barnes was the CEO of Pepsi when suddenly, at age 43, she handed in her resignation. The Wall Street Journal devoted two whole articles to the story. The first discussed Barnes specifically. What motivated her to make this weighty decision? She was quoted as saying that after 20 years of missed birthdays, hotel stays, sleepless nights, and hours not spent with her husband and close friends, she decided it was time to stop. When else, if not now? She just set her mind to it and did it. The second Wall Street Journal article focused on reactions to Barnes' resignation. Who do you think was more supportive, men or women? You're right - it was men. They understood her reasons and backed her decision. Women, on the other hand, reprimanded her. They sent her letters with comments like, "How can you do this to us? Barbara Barnes replied by saying, "I didn't do this to you, or you, or you. . . . I did it for myself and my family. For me, the definition of success is choice. I choose spending more time with my family now. I don't want to miss another birthday. . . I'll now find something that doesn't force people to give up their lives for power!" I present women with six very simple codes for applying the Law of Attraction in their lives. According to the Law of Attraction, the things that we think about are the things we attract into our lives, for better or for worse. We, as women, have particular patterns of thought and behavior that prevent us from attracting into our lives the reality we desire - one of peace, quiet, and balance. Instead, we attract a reality of worry, tension, and guilt pangs. Isn't it time we made some changes? Here are a few questions to consider as you set out to apply the Law of Attraction: Are you in the right place? Are you doing what you really want to be doing?Do you strike a balance between what is nearest and dearest to you and all the rest? Or are you paying too high a price to maintain "all the rest?" Do you know why you get out of bed each morning? Do you have the impulse to do something that emanates from down deep inside - something you do enthusiastically, joyfully, passionately? Are you attracting into your life the things you truly desire or the things you would rather avoid? In other words, do you control your life, or does your life control you? I'm not suggesting, of course, that each of you quit her job tomorrow. That's not a viable option for most of us. But if you want to attract the reality you long for, you certainly should be doing some introspection, checking your priorities, and keeping these concepts in mind: time, balance, control, and purpose. Orly Katz MBA, is the founder of O.K. Coaching - The Women's Coaching Center, and is an international, life, business and career coach for women and an experienced workshop facilitator. Orly reveals the six Codes of the Law of Attraction in her new book: Women, Decode the Law of Attraction . Orly was born in Israel and is married and the mother of three. For further information about Orly's coaching programs, workshops, book, or to schedule her for a presentation, please visit her website at: www.okcoaching.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>