Great Costumes for Less! By Tawra Kellam LivingOnADime.com/ You can really come up with some cute and clever ideas for costumes, even if you don't feel particularly creative. Don't wait until the night before Halloween to start your costumes. Look at the people and things around you and ask yourself how " how can I recreate this?" Look at thrift stores and garage sales for costumes. Go ahead and buy the costume or piece of a costume if the price is right. You really can't go wrong spending $0.25 on a piece of costume. Even if it doesn't work you haven't lost much. Costumes can be very simple and still make a big impact. For example, instead of the usual witch robes, drag out your elegant black dress and add a witch hat with a veil of spider webbing stretched over your face. Cover the spider web with plastic spiders. For a man, a nice suit and tie and a funny mask makes a good simple costume. For a couple: get a REALLY big sweatshirt, both of you get in it and be Siamese twins! Some examples of costumes for kids are: Sunflower - For the body, use a white sleeper or sweatsuit. Paint the child's face yellow, adding black spots to simulate seeds if you like. Make a flower to fit on the child's head out of felt or glue sunflowers on a white hat. Angel - Again use a white sweatsuit or long white dress for the body. Make wings out of heavy white poster board and paint the edges gold. Attach tie straps to them that go around the shoulders. You can also shape a metal clothes hanger into a wing. Make two wings, hot glue fabric around them and add straps. Pea Pod - Cut 2 small foam balls in half with an electric knife or a knife with a serrated blade. (Note: Do this BEFORE attaching them to the child!) Wrap in green fabric and pin them to the front of a green sweat suit. Make a hat out of 2 shades of green felt and a little brown felt for a stem. Lion - Buy a yellow hat or dye a white hat yellow. Buy long brown fake fur, yellow fake fur and a yellow sweat suit. You can get fake fur at your favorite fabric store. Add brown fur to the top of the hat (for a mane), hot-glue yellow fur into a long tail, adding a poof of brown for the end. Pin the tail on the back of the costume. Make an oval of the fur for the child's tummy and use eyeliner for whiskers. Dalmatian - Pin black felt dots onto a pair of white sweats. Paint black polka dots on the child's face. Add more polka dots to a white hat, make some black felt ears and add black shoes to finish it. I Paint, Therefor I Am - Glue a copy of a painting with a face on it on a piece of cardboard. (Ex. Mona Lisa). Cut out the face and then put their face in instead. Race Car Stroller - Decorate a stroller as a race car by adding fabric or paper racing stripes and a number. Add two flashlights for headlights, plus some reflector tape. If you want to get really creative, add a wind foil, a foil covered paper towel roller for an exhaust pipe or whatever else your clever mind conjures up. Cut asteering wheel out of cardboard for the child to hold. Your child can wear whatever clothes he wants. Just add an old helmet or baseball cap worn backwards. Think of themes for all of the kids in the family. It can be fun for all the kids to dress up in costumes that complement each other. Some sample themes are - super-heros, vegetables, candy bars, rabbit family (or other animals) or cartoon characters (i.e. Mickey Mouse, Minnie and Donald Duck). They could also dress in pairslike a mouse and cheese, a plant and a watering can or doctor and patient. The sky's the limit. Christmas theme: One child could go as a present, another a Christmas tree, another Rudolph and the 4th as Santa. Ideas for how to make the costumes: Rudolph - Dye an old pair of sweats brown. Put a light brown felt tummy on the shirt, make a set of cardboard antlers and paint the child's nose red. Present - Wrap an old box that is big enough for the child to wear. Cut out the bottom of the box and make holes for the arms and head. The child can wear a turtleneck stretch pants underneath it. Christmas Tree - Cut two pieces of cardboard into the shape of a tree. Make two one for the front and one for the back. Hook them together with a piece of string over each shoulder. Paint the pieces green with latex paint and attach old tinsel and ornaments with hot glue. Make a star head piece by gluing glitter to a cardboard cutout or use a Christmas tree angel as a head piece. Santa - Trim a pair of red sweats with white fake fur and a large black felt belt. Make a beard with more fake fur, top off with a Santa hat and add a little "Ho, Ho, Ho" for good measure. Of course if all else fails you could wrap the child head to toe in aluminum foil and send him as a frozen burrito... Tawra Kellam is the author of Dining On A Dime: Eat Better Spend Less. For more free tips and recipes visit her web site at LivingOnADime.com/ . In 5 years, Tawra and her husband paid off $20,000 personal debt on an average income of $22,000 per year. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

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What Parents Need to Know AboutEating Disorders By Abigail Natenshon, MA LCSW, GCFP Author of When Your Child Has An Eating Disorder, A Step-by-Step Workbook For Parents And Other Caregivers A Parent's Dilemma and Response Even the most competent parents feel confused, inadequate, and guilt-laden in the face of their child's eating disorder. Parents typically do not know how to determine whether or not their child has an eating disorder, and if so, what, if anything, they should do in response. Misguided by the many myths and misconceptions surrounding eating disorders, diet and nutrition, the needs of adolescents, the psychotherapy process, and the assumptions that they may be to blame, parents fear losing their child's love or making matters worse by raising and pursuing uncomfortable issues. In healing their child, parents need education about eating disorders, guidance and support, as well as permission to be parental in assisting their child to heal. Parents need to know what they are doing right; they need to learn to become fully responsive to, and supportive of, the changing needs of the recovering child and family. Empowered and proactive parents ultimately create a deeper and more meaningful emotional connection with the child, supporting recovery as well as the parent/child relationship from this time forward. Intervening with your child may be the greatest investment that parents can make. Not only that, it could save his or her life. What eating disorders are about - Contrary to popular belief, eating disorders are not essentially about food, eating, or weight management. The assumption that anorexics under-eat and bulimics overeat and purge is simplistic, describing only isolated aspects of highly complex, multi-faceted and integrative diseases. Anorexia, bulimia, and compulsive overeating are diseases with chemical, genetic, emotional, behavioral and social implications for the afflicted individual as well as for the family. They are indicators of emotional inflexibility and the patient's inability to face and cope with adversity, of developmental tasks not yet achieved and/or cognitive distortions capable of derailing the child's effective development into adulthood. Characterized by a preoccupation with weight and a pathological fear of becoming fat, erratic or inadequate food intake reflects excesses, disregulation, and a lack of control in life spheres that extend beyond eating and weight control. For the patient, the symptoms of eating disorders create an illusion of control and stability in response to the normal vicissitudes and unpredictability of daily living, making them particularly hard to give up. At the root of dysfunctional eating behaviors lies in the emotional issues that underlie and drive them; full recovery will require changes in behavioral patterns as well as emotional functioning, resulting in an improved relationship with food, the self and others. Eating disorders; Definitions - Anorexia Nervosa represents a pathological fear of being fat, leading to food restriction and at times, purging and over-exercising. The condition is often accompanied by a distorted body image and the absence of the menses. Bulimia Nervosa is the repeated cycle of erratic eating, bingeing followed by purging, and/or fasting or excessive exercise to compensate for the intake of calories. Bulimics often abuse laxatives, diuretics or diet pills and typically struggle with other forms of addiction. Binge-Eating Disorder or Compulsive Overeating is characterized by eating when not hungry or without regard to physiological cues. Binge eaters report the inability to stop or control the behaviors. Deprivation-sensitive binge eating arises out of excessive dieting or food restriction; addictive or dissociative binge eating represents a form of self-medicating or self-soothing, with behaviors evoking tranquility or numbness. EDNOS stands for Eating Disorders Not Otherwise Specified; this diagnosis describes eating disorders whose symptoms do not precisely fit the descriptions found within the APA Diagnostic Manual. Over 50% of eating disorders fall into this category. Things you may not know about eating disorders - Eating disordered individuals typically are of normal weight, and often appear to be the picture of health and self-discipline. One cannot necessarily recognize an eating disorder through physical appearance alone. Dieting or food restriction is the worst way to lose weight and can be harmful to the metabolism. In most instances, parents are not responsible for causing eating disorders in their children, but when enlightened and empowered, proactive parents can become instrumental in facilitating their child's recovery. Not every eating quirk represents an eating disorder. The distinction between pathology and benign idiosyncrasy in eating patterns lies in the motivation or purpose behind the behaviors. Using food for reasons apart from satiety, nourishment or sociability deserves vigilance and possible response. Eating disturbances in the very young child is generally the result of anxiety and compulsivity, sometimes in combination with the child's imitation of significant adult role models. Adolescent and adult eating disorders are driven by unresolved issues of power and control, identity, self-esteem and body image disturbance. Eating disorders are curable in 80 percent of cases when treated early and effectively. Abigail Natenshon, MA LCSW, GCFP is a psychotherapist who has specialized in the treatment of eating disorders with individuals and families for the past 37 years. The founder and director of Eating Disorder Specialists of Illinois, she is the author of the classic workbook When Your Child Has An Eating Disorder, A Step-by-Step Workbook For Parents And Other Caregivers . As a Guild Certified Feldenkrais Practitioner, Natenshon pioneers in using body-centered techniques to augment and promote body image awareness, acceptance and healing. View her three interactive web sites: www.empoweredparents.com , www.empoweredkidZ.com and www.treatingeatingdisorders.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Culture of Divorce: How Our Moral Values Affect Our Children By Brian Orchard www.vision.org Over the past hundred years or so, there have been changes in moral values that influence marriage, personal development and family relationships. But it may surprise you to know that the harmful effects of divorce on children were documented almost 400 years before Christ. If divorce is so prevalent, so acceptable a thread in the social fabric of Western culture, have we perhaps missed some rather significant developments paralleling its increase? The definition of the word "divorce" means the dissolution or ending of a marriage before the death of either spouse. In The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce (2000), Judith Wallerstein, senior lecturer emerita at the University of Berkeley's School of Social Welfare, asks, "What about the children? In our rush to improve the lives of adults, we assumed that their lives would improve as well. We made radical changes in the family without realizing how it would change the experience of growing up." Over the last 40 years an increased acceptance of divorce has produced profound changes in our attitudes about marriage and family. The roles of men and women not only changed with industrialization and urbanization in the 20th century, but also during World War II when women entered the workplace. The birth control pill gave women control over fertility; and wages earned brought greater decision-making ability in family relationships. These societal changes brought freedoms that previous generations did not have. During the 1970s, the divorce rate doubled as young folks' attitudes on fidelity, chastity and commitment became very different from those of their parents. The change created less of an incentive to work out marital difficulties. Wallerstein's landmark 25-year study has deeply convinced her of the long-term effects of divorce on children: "Divorce is a life-transforming experience. After divorce, childhood is different. Adolescence is different. Adulthood-with the decision to marry or not and have children or not-is different. Whether the final outcome is good or bad, the whole trajectory of an individual's life is profoundly altered by the divorce experience." The harmful effects of divorce on children were documented in the Bible almost 400 years before Christ. There, we are told that God hates divorce. (Malachi 2:16.) Marriage is a covenant. It is not independent agreement: "Because the Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously; yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant" (verse 14) This passage notes that the wife is not an inferior but is a companion in whom the husband should take delight. Marriage also assumes a sexual union, and this union is much more than just a physical experience; it is the union of mind and spirit. This relationship between husband and wife is essential to a healthy family relationship. "A central finding to my research," says Wallerstein, "is that children identify not only with their mother and father as separate individuals but with the relationship between them. They carry the template of this relationship into adulthood and use it to seek the image of their new family." Except in the case of premature death, marriage embarked upon in youth is intended to remain into old age. The marriage-covenant relationship is intended to produce children and to provide them with the physical-mental nurturing young, developing minds require. This is precisely the basis of the injunction recorded by the prophet Malachi against ancient Israel. They were destroying the security of future generations by dismantling the marriage relationship-and so are we. Divorce weakens a basic building block of society. Children of divorce are affected to greater or lesser degrees. They carry the impact on into adulthood and in turn affect the next generation. Wallerstein notes, "It's clear that we've created a new kind of society never before seen in human culture. Silently and unconsciously, we have created a culture of divorce." Perhaps it's not too late for us to rethink divorce and society's moral values and how our family relationships affect our culture and the generations to come. Brian Orchard is a pastor with 34 years of family counseling experience. He is a father and grandfather and has worked with youth programs in the U.S., Australia and the Philippines. You can read more articles on family and relationships at www.vision.org . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. . More >>

A New Dog with Old Kids by Colleen Pelar, CPDT, CDBC www.LivingwithKidsandDogs.com We adopted a dog recently. Edzo is a 2-year-old Norwegian elkhound. He's sweet, social and gentle, and I have not seen one worrisome behavior in the time we've had him. My kids are really excited to have him in the family. My three sons have been raised with dogs and have attended more bite-prevention events than they care to remember. They know how to be respectful and kind to dogs, so they've been a little puzzled by some of the rules I've set in place to help Edzo adjust to living in our home. Supervision. We were told that Edzo was housetrained and did not chew household objects. As a dog trainer, I spend a lot of time talking to people about housetraining and about cleaning carpets. I really hate cleaning carpets. If I can help it, there will be no housetraining accidents, so we have to treat Edzo as if he were an untrained puppy and set him up for success. The first few days, I kept him very close by and would use his leash to tether him near me. Once I felt confident that he was reliably eliminating in the yard and not prone to chewing up random objects, I began giving him a little more freedom, which meant that instead of keeping him in my sight, I was leaping up and following him each time he moved. More freedom for him meant less for me. I've gone back to living with a toddler, giving Edzo room to explore while providing the supervision necessary to ensure that he doesn't get into anything he shouldn't. When I cannot supervise Edzo for a few minutes, I've asked my 15- and 12-year-old sons to do it. They know that if Edzo has an accident or chews something on their watch, they'll be doing the cleanup. So far, so good. Edzo has had no accidents in the house and has only destroyed one sponge ball he found behind the couch. Quieter Play. Our 7-year-old labrador is unflappable. When the kids chase each other through the house, he barely lifts an eyebrow. Edzo, on the other hand, needs some time to adjust to living with five people. He needs to learn that kids can be loud without being scary. The boys are doing a pretty good job of remembering to modulate their play, but I've had to remind them a few times. I'm not at all worried that Edzo would bite them for being too rambunctious, only that they might unintentionally frighten him. The goal is to have a dog that loves kids and is unfazed by their antics, so it's worth toning things down a bit for the short term. Downtime. Every now and then, Edzo wanders into his crate, lies down on his cozy bed, and takes a nap. I am happy to see him choosing downtime on his own. I love when dogs learn to self-regulate their arousal levels. At times, I have also put him into his crate and closed the door for an hour or so. It's really important that new dogs be given some downtime to rest up and be ready to have more new experiences when they wake. Keep in mind that everything in your household is new to the dog and that if the dog has never lived with kids, he'll be introduced to some behavior he's never seen before. When's the last time you invited adult guests over to play hide and seek or to build a fort out of couch cushions in the living room? Kids are different. Dogs can adapt well to change, but it's important to give them a balance of busy and quiet periods. Meeting Friends. My 10-year-old son excitedly called all of his friends to tell them about his new dog. One of them wanted to come over at a time when I would be at work. I told Brandon that, while I'm sure Edzo will be delighted to meet his friends, I must be present to orchestrate the introductions. I want to be sure that Edzo doesn't jump on anyone and that the kids learn the proper way to meet a dog. I encourage children to let the dog sniff their hand and then to pet the dog gently under the chin or on the neck, but never on top of the head. It's natural for people to reach over a dog's head to pat him, but it's very disconcerting for the dog to have someone reaching toward his blind spot. I seize every chance to teach kids how to make dogs like them, and meeting friends for the first time is a prime opportunity. Edzo is a fantastic dog. He's fitting in beautifully with our family-in part because I've insisted that we take the time to ease Edzo into our routines and to help him adapt to a busy household. A little advance planning and extra effort on a parent's part can go a long way to having a dog that loves kids. Colleen Pelar, CPDT, CDBC, author of Living with Kids and Dogs . . . Without Losing Your Mind , is America's Kids and Canines Coach. Colleen has more than 15 years' experience as the go-to person for parents trying to navigate kid-and-dog issues. Because every interaction between a child and a dog can be improved by a knowledgeable adult, Colleen is committed to educating parents, children, and dog owners on kid-and-dog relationships. For more information visit www.LivingwithKidsandDogs.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Six Tips for Less-Stress Parenting By Paula Statman, M.S.S.W. www.kidwisecorner.com . Nobody ever said parenting was easy, but here are some practical tips for how to worry less and enjoy parenting more. Find a pediatrician you like. In many ways, your pediatrician is like a partner. In fact, some women say that during the first couple of years, they talked to their pediatrician more than their husbands! Choose a pediatrician who offers practical advice and knows how to listen. Remember, there are no dumb questions when it's about your child. Also, it is a good idea to interview several pediatricians and choose the one that best matches your childcare philosophies. Incorporate time-saving products and services into your daily routine, when you can. Without a doubt, parenting is one of the richest and most satisfying roles we play. It is also filled with repetitive, routine tasks that can zap our best energy. There has been an explosion of modern conveniences designed to save you time and sanity. For example, tear-free shampoos can help avoid bath-time battles; home-cooked meal delivery services ensure a nutritious dinner on the table. Of course, some of these luxuries may not fit in your budget, but decide where it makes sense to invest a little money to gain some time to do things that matter to you. Who said busy moms can't read a book, take a long leisurely bath, or go to a yoga class? Balance each day to include something you enjoy. Time saving tools can help. Plan ahead for tomorrow. To make your morning less hectic, spend a few minutes at night making tomorrow's bottles and cups, picking out clothes, packing an "on the go" bag, etc. Make a to-do list so you don't forget important errands. All children, even younger ones, can participate in this routine. In the course of managing your time well, you are teaching them valuable skills such as planning ahead, organizing, and problem solving. Establish a predictable night-time routine and create comforting rituals. Reading, singing or a warm bath at the same time each night will help your child understand it is time to go to sleep. Let your child use a safe comfort object to provide security. Keep an "open door" policy to make your child feel connected to you at night. The cuddling and intimacy of your evening routine will help your child say good bye until morning as well as create precious memories for you. With older children past the "read-me-a-story" stage, take a few minutes to relax with them. Most importantly, before you leave their room, tell them how much you love them and how glad you are that they are yours...no matter what kind of day it's been. Avoid power struggles. Children don't want to interrupt their playtime to do something we care about, like putting toys away. Help your child cooperate with you by easing into transitions with plenty of notice, by allowing them to make choices ("Do you want to put this sock on first or the other one?") and by turning routine tasks like getting dressed into games and contests. You may not want to see the world through your child's eyes when you are in a hurry. But, that extra minute you invest can mean the difference between a temper tantrum and a hug. Play is a powerful antidote to stress. I always say, "Where there is flexibility and forgiveness, fun's not far behind." Forgive yourself for the unfolded baskets of laundry and the leftovers for dinner. Design flexible schedules for yourself and don't let your to-do lists push you around. Parenting offers wonderful opportunities to rediscover and enjoy the child within you. Playing and laughing with your children not only deepens your relationship with them, it lightens your load and reduces your stress. Paula Statman, M.S.S.W. is an internationally respected educator, speaker and award-winning author. Her practical, positive approach to raising safe and strong children has benefited hundreds of thousands of parents. Paula is a repeat guest on Oprah and the Today Show , has appeared on over 200 radio and television programs, and is featured in publications such as Parents, Child, Redbook , and USA Today.com. The founder and director KidWISE Institute, Paula lives in Oakland, California with her husband and daughter. For more information visit www.kidwisecorner.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Are Homework Expectations Realistic For Our Children? By Sally Sacks www.sallysacks.com I become increasingly concerned when I see the expectations being forced upon kids nowadays. It seems that so many kids are cutting themselves, a newer form of stress reduction, and engaging in other escapist, avoidant behaviors to dodge the pressure cooker they live in every day called school. Teachers are pressured by state requirements, they, in turn, pressure the kids, and the parents become pressured by the teacher and the school's expectations. Sometimes the expectations are over the top, and your job as a parent is to realize when that is happening and when the expectations are reasonable. So many kids tell me that if they miss a day or two of school, they are so far behind, that they say, "Why bother," and subsequently get a poor grade. Kids get sick, and they should feel that they can take the time they need to get well. Many parents are worried, even at the fourth grade level when homework isn't done and grades are not A's and B's. If the child isn't motivated to come home after school and begin two hours of homework, they are worried they have a slacker, a lazy kid. I work eight plus hours a day and I don't usually come home looking for more work to do. Let's put things into perspective. Children need to know that they have to do homework to make it through school, and most kids, unless they have serious academic limitations or other learning issues, will attempt to do it. If they downright refuse to do any homework, even a reasonable amount, then you have another problem that needs addressing. Maybe they really don't understand the work, and aren't telling you. Maybe they need a different school. Maybe there are emotional issues to be examined. Let them pick a time that's best for them, and you help them structure that time. If they get restless, and need a break, let them take a break. As long as they return to it, that isn't a problem. It is important for parents to admit that most young kids don't love homework and think of creative ideas to help them through it. Here is what not to do in helping your child with homework: Don't ask them to do homework as soon as they get off the bus. Don't assume that they aren't overwhelmed by the amount, and are just lazy. Understand that most kids don't love homework Don't compare them to others and push them with your own anxiety Many successful people in life didn't love homework Keep in mind your child's age and motivation to get homework done Don't overlook the strengths of a kid who doesn't think certain things are necessary to learn. That may be true. That kid may have many independent strengths! Don't forget to help them when you can. They need support. Some of the work is very difficult Don't forget what being young was like for you. What To Do To Help Kids With Homework: Do help them find a time that works for them to do it. If they are having trouble with it, troubleshoot as to why. Ask questions. Do help them find solutions, and acknowledge their negative feelings or difficulty. Spend time with them when you can, showing enthusiasm toward their subject. Expect rebellion and procrastination. It will happen. Keep calm about their consequences if they can't get it done. They will eventually learn how to handle this. If you push too hard, you will get your children to lie about doing it. Show calm when they are filled with anxiety. Hire a tutor if they need more support. Love them and believe in them, even when they are not doing what you feel they should be to get ahead. Sally Sacks, M.Ed is a licensed psychotherapist, with 20 years of experience, counseling individuals, children, families and couples. Sally is the author of How to Raise the Next President , a groundbreaking parents' guide to teaching and instilling in their kids the qualities they'll need to be happy, successful and productive, no matter which path they choose in life. Sally offers personal and group coaching and can be reached through her website at www.sallysacks.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com More >>

Love is Good Insurance By Paula Statman www.kidwisecorner.com Love is not only a wonderful gift to give your children. It's good insurance. Here's why: showing your love helps keep them safe. It tells them they are worthy of love and respect and shapes their expectations of how others should treat them. For example, a child who feels loved will be less likely to look for love in the wrong places...from the wrong people. It's a documented fact that kids who feel loved don't accept affection from just anyone who offers it; they accept it from those who respect them and their personal boundaries. Kids who have an unwavering belief that they are loveable and worthwhile know they don't have to "earn" someone's love by doing something they don't want to do. On the other hand, kids who are hungry for affection are more likely to believe that they don't deserve to be loved and that love has a price tag. So, telling our kids we love them every single day -including those days when we question why we became parents - is good insurance. It makes our kids less vulnerable to being exploited. It shows them that they are treasured and worth treasuring. It makes them feel cherished and special. And that's how we want them to feel when they go out in to the world. Here are some examples of how to express your love and appreciation anytime, anywhere. Things you can say : I love you. I am so lucky that you are mine. I'm so proud of you. You are very special to me. I love spending time with you. Things you can do : Show your pleasure in being you son's or daughter's parent. Let your child know that parenting is something you enjoy, not a dreary chore that exhausts you. This means taking good care of yourself so that you have enough to give. It also means finding good support, so that you don't become resentful about your responsibilities as a parent. Learn about your child. Nothing is more validating for a child than having a parent who understands him. You are an important observer of your child's behavior and the key person to help him deal with his questions and concerns. This might mean that you take parenting classes, so that you become "fluent" in your child and learn how to guide and support him. Appreciate their special qualities. This doesn't necessarily refer to artistic or athletic ability. It also includes personality traits that make them good human beings, like kindness, intelligence or compassion for others. Appreciate what is within your child as well as what can be seen by the world. Care about and get involved with their interests, whether it's school, baseball, ballet or any other activity. The more they see your interest, the better they feel about themselves. Ask for time off work to attend events. Say 'yes' to volunteering. Show up in your kids' lives as their number one fan! Take time to listen to your child, wholeheartedly without distraction. Being listened to and understood is something all children seek. It is also what sexual predators use to find their next victim; they look for children who feel lonely or misunderstood or believe they have no one to talk to. Posing as a special, caring friend, who is interested in every word the child has to say, they fill a gap in the child's life that is often left by a parent. Make sure that you are a person your child comes to, who listens, understands, and believes him or her. Giving your child this kind of attention is worth its weight in gold. Invite him/her to spend time with you, just the two of you. Make a date, schedule it and don't postpone it due to work or some other demand in your life. Make time with your child a regular thing, rather than a special occurrence. Time invested now will bring major returns in the long run. Celebrate your child. Look for creative ways to send the message that you feel like the luckiest parent in the world. Make a big deal of your kid, without spending a ton of money. Have a party "just because" or as a surprise, create a day devoted to your child's whims and wishes. It can be as simple as putting a loving note in their backpack: "I'm thinking about you and can't wait to hear about your day!" Expressing love and affection this way can take unlimited forms. The key is to find fun ways to share joy and laughter in your relationship and show how much you appreciate and cherish your child. Paula Statman, M.S.S.W. is an internationally respected educator, speaker and award-winning author. Her practical, positive approach to raising safe and strong children has benefited hundreds of thousands of parents. Paula is a repeat guest on Oprah and the Today Show , has appeared on over 200 radio and television programs, and is featured in publications such as Parents, Child, Redbook , and USA Today.com. The founder and director KidWISE Institute, Paula lives in Oakland, California with her husband and daughter. Visit www.kidwisecorner.com for more information. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

How Is Your Child "Smart?" By Rae Pica www.movingandlearning.com Helping a child to utilize his own special strengths and skills may mean looking beyond what the policy makers and society typically consider "smart." Or as developmental psychologist Howard Gardner has put it, you shouldn't be trying to determine how smart a child is; rather, you should be trying to determine how a child is smart. Gardner wrote an influential book called Frames of Mind: The Theory of Multiple Intelligences . In it, he contends that intelligence isn't a singular entity that can be measured only with paper and pencil. Rather, he says, we each possess many different kinds of intelligence, in various combinations and to varying degrees. To date, he has recognized nine different intelligences, all of which he's identified through a rigorous scientific process. For our purposes, though, the important point is that Gardner describes an intelligence as the "ability to find and solve problems and create products of value in one's own culture." Although Gardner intended his work for the field of developmental psychology alone, an interesting phenomenon happened: educators pounced on the idea. Why? Because for generations they've witnessed multiple intelligences in the children with whom they've worked. Although our society most values the linguistic ("word-smart") and logical-mathematical ("number-smart"/reasoning) intelligences -- the two intelligences measured by IQ and other standardized tests -- teachers could see that many of their students had other gifts, other ways of "learning and knowing." In addition to the linguistic and logical/mathematical intelligences, Gardner has identified the visual/spatial (an understanding of how things orient in space), naturalist (determines sensitivity to one's environment), existentialist (belonging to people who question why they exist), interpersonal (the ability to relate well to others), intrapersonal (knowing oneself well), musical (a fascination with sound and the patterns created by sound), and bodily/kinesthetic (the ability to solve problems or create with the body or body parts). It's important to remember that each of us possesses all of these intelligences but, as mentioned, to varying degrees and in different combinations. A surgeon, for example, has highly developed logical/mathematical and bodily/kinesthetic intelligences; the former incorporates the scientific aspect and the latter the meticulous use of the hands. Where do your child's strengths lie? Does your son love to putter in the garden with you? He may be strong in the naturalist intelligence. Does your daughter create art everywhere, using everything from building blocks to mashed potatoes? Her greatest strength may lie in the visual/spatial intelligence. Is your child constantly dancing, indicating a developing bodily/kinesthetic intelligence, with some musical intelligence thrown into the mix? When you're tuned in to a child's passions, skills, or intelligences -- whatever we may call them --you can support their development and offer the child encouragement. Biology will certainly have played a role in her interests and strengths, but the mainstream culture and the home culture are also influences. And since the mainstream culture -- society and the school system -- focuses on only two intelligences, you can help provide some balance in a child's life. This will be especially important if her strengths don't happen to lie within the linguistic or logical/mathematical intelligences. As Gardner and his followers point out, it's difficult to identify special skills when we don't introduce young people to a variety of experiences. When the focus of schooling is on so few subjects, how is a child to discover passions that lie beyond such narrow boundaries? How is a child to unearth a love of landscape design, note a talent for composing, or cook up a desire to be a chef if his experiences have been limited to grammar, numbers, and technology? One other point of which you should be aware: a child will use different intelligences for different tasks. For example, if she makes up a poem to help her remember historical dates, she's using her linguistic intelligence. If she makes up a song, she's using her musical intelligence. If you ask her to find a way to fit all of the toys back on their shelves, she'll have to call on her visual/spatial intelligence. And if she has to add by counting on her fingers, she's using her bodily/kinesthetic intelligence to get the job done. That's why it's important to give her a chance to further cultivate all of the intelligences. Opportunities to dabble and play can provide that chance. At the preschool and elementary school ages, follow the child's lead, but don't get too invested in any one particular pastime. You certainly don't want to decide the rest of his life based on what you see in the earliest years. Children -- and their interests and skills -- evolve. And when he eventually discovers skills in many areas, as he's likely to do, he'll be able to make his own choices about his passions. That's why, whether we're talking about predominant intelligences, school grades, or the results of standardized tests, it's important to refrain from putting any labels on a little one. Instead, just know that the real standards for "smart" aren't found in school grades and test scores. Rae Pica is a children's physical activity specialist and the author of A Running Start: How Play, Physical Activity, and Free Time Create a Successful Child (Marlowe Co., 2006). She has shared her expertise with such clients as the Sesame Street Research Department, the Centers for Disease Control, Gymboree Play Music, and the President's Council on Physical Fitness Sports. You can visit Rae at www.movingandlearning.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Is Your Breast Cancer Going Undiagnosed? By Mike Esposito Breast Cancer strikes one in nine women in America and is a leading cause for morbidity and mortality. The gold standard for detecting breast cancer has been mammography and breast physical exam. The combination is very effective in detecting breast masses in most patients. However, in some women breast physical exam and mammography miss cancers. The lack of sensitivity of these traditional methods of detection is often due to the dense or nodular breast tissue. The dense breast obscure early cancers on mammography and nodular breast make it difficult to find a small cancer amid other benign lumps in the breast. Most breast cancers occur in women without a family history of breast cancer or in women without a genetic predisposition for cancer to occur. However, some women have known genetic makers which make them likely to develop breast cancer. These patients' cancers occur at a younger age and their cancers tend to be more aggressive. Aggressive cancers are faster growing and more malignant than normal making them harder to cure. These cancers need to be detected earlier to allow a better chance for cure. Mammography and breast physical exam may not detect cancer soon enough in these women to prevent them from presenting at a late stage. There is a modality and an exam available for years which has recently has gained much attention due to its great sensitivity for detecting early breast cancer. MRI of the breast is the most sensitive for detecting cancer before any other modality. The test can identify malignancies in even the densest breasts and can localize early cancers in patients with a strong family history or a genetic predisposition. The test is now considered essential in these patients or in any patient considered high risk. The downside of using MRI to detect breast cancer is that it can be too sensitive. The exam detects most things mammography does (with the exception of micro-calcifications) and much more. MRI finds so many suspicious lesions that many more biopsies have to be performed to exclude cancer. There are many benign lesions which would not have been seen or biopsied without MRI. These 'unnecessary' biopsies are acceptable to most women who have an elevated risk of developing cancer. The drawback is mainly financial. The costs for screening the millions of women each year that would need a breast MRI are great. The exam costs about one to two thousand dollars depending on where you live and what type of insurance you carry. It is about ten to twenty times the cost of a screening mammogram. Also, the biopsies which are performed because of the MRI findings have high costs associated with them too. They can range from a few hundred dollars for a simple biopsy to thousands of dollars for an open, surgical biopsy. Remember, these masses that are biopsied are often benign. The cost benefit ratio or the efficacy for breast MRI has determined and the test is warranted in any woman with risk factors described above. The test can lead to early detection and cure. Without it we will be losing lives which shouldn't be lost. Mike Esposito graduated with BS from University of Florida. Mike continued his Graduate Education in Nuclear engineering. He then entered Medical school at the University of South Florida. He then completed a four year radiology residency at USF and a subsequent fellowship in Neuroradiology at Duke University. Mike now is in private practice radiology in the Tampa area. He is married to wife, Kay with whom he has four children. For more information please visit www.mikeespositomd.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>